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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Seven year old teased because he kisses me goodbye.

67 replies

Wheneverwhatever · 21/06/2015 23:47

My son has burstinto tears this evening when he told me he is upset that two classmates (year 2) teases him because he kisses me goodbye.
I am so annoyed that i would like to tell the mothers. I know these two boys, they are single children, so no contacts with girls and the amilies are very patriarcal.

I told my son he should just do what he feels. If he is happy to still give me a kiss before in the class, he should. If he wants to stop, he should not do it becuase of the friends. He said he likes giving me a kiss.

Help me, should i tell the moms of the two boys ? I am just annoyed they are growing boys with taboos and they like tease a friend just because he kisses his mu. Is seven that grown up??

OP posts:

Original poster

Wheneverwhatever · 21/06/2015 23:48

Sorry for typos.....

OP posts:

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 21/06/2015 23:50

My 11 year old still gives me a kiss bye-bye.
Not outside the school, as he goes on his own.
But every time he leaves the house.
I think I would just explain to your ds that some people do things differently.
Yanbu. I think you handled it well with your son.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 21/06/2015 23:51

Maybe have a word with teacher about general kindness/teasing?

WorraLiberty · 21/06/2015 23:56

Honestly, I think you need to stop over thinking the reason behind it.

Lots of kids (boys and girls) tease other kids for kissing their parents goodbye because they see it as 'babyish'...even though secretly they do exactly the same thing and probably have lots of cuddle time with parents at home.

If the teasing is getting to him then report to the school, but otherwise I would just roll my eyes and tell him to ignore.

When my eldest DS was in senior school (aged 13), he was going on a residential trip. As they were all getting on the coach, he gave me a kiss and a cuddle.

A couple of boys laughed at him and he turned to them and said, "What? Don't you lot love your Mums then?"

They immediately got defensive and said, "Yes, of course we do".

Then they dutifully kissed their mums (rather shame faced) and got on the coach quickly

WorraLiberty · 21/06/2015 23:58

And why does being 'single children' mean they have no contact with girls??

I have 3 boys who all very much have contact with girls...

Idontseeanydragons · 22/06/2015 00:05

I think it's something that some children grow out of then grow back into again IYSWIM.
DS is 15 and at around age 8/9 he wouldn't be seen giving me a goodbye kiss in public at all! But from 12ish he kind of got back into doing it again and now he will cheerfully come in from school with his mates and give me a hug. Or an affectionate pat on the head - he's quite a bit taller than me!

WorraLiberty · 22/06/2015 00:12

I'm sorry to take the thread off track for a second but I've just remembered this...

When my DS2 was in year 2 (aged 7), he was lining up in the playground with his class.

One of the Mums started talking to me and I didn't realise the line had started going in, so I panicked and kissed him quickly.

Only to discover I'd kissed a completely strange child and smoothed his hair gel down with my hand....while declaring "Love you, see you at 3pm!"

Poor little fucker must have been terrified all day, dreading home time

CainInThePunting · 22/06/2015 00:12

I'd just let the school know the DS was upset by the teasing, they will/should remind all pupils that bullying is unacceptable. Hopefully that will be enough but keep them informed if it carries on.
I think you handled it well.

BackforGood · 22/06/2015 00:31

No - do not go seeking out the parents of the other dc, that will just set your dc up for more teasing.

Teaching him how to deal with being teased (about anything - not just giving his Mum a kiss) will help him out in life a whole lot more.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 22/06/2015 00:35

If it is upsetting then it needs seeing into but approach the school rather than the parents. You don't want a slanging match,
Worra. I LMFAO, reading that,

WorraLiberty · 22/06/2015 00:37

Jackw · 22/06/2015 00:55

Children en mass are horrible. Your son can learn to conform with accepted behaviour and may avoid being bullied. Or he can stick to his own preferences and probably will be bullied.

Honeymoonmummy · 22/06/2015 01:00

This makes me so mad! These kids are 7! Yes, definitely speak to the mums! I don't think that at 7 if a boy is told off by their parent for teasing, they would then tease more.

Minisoksmakehardwork · 22/06/2015 05:58

Jack, why should op's ds conform to a child's idea of 'the done thing' to avoid being teased? It's attitudes like that which hamper children from being who they want to be.

I'd speak to the school as it's happening on school grounds. The parents may well be mortified. But they might not see it from the same position as you. At least at school it can be addressed in a wider 'words can hurt' way rather than 'x's mum says you're being nasty to x'.

RachelRagged · 22/06/2015 06:03

Bless Him . It is lovely he wants to kiss you goodbye,

My 13 year old was never particularly a kissy child ,, however my youngest kisses me before he leaves for school, he is 11.

AuntieStella · 22/06/2015 06:27

Don't talk to the parents. That approach almost invariably stokes things, rather than solving them.

You could try talking it through with the school.

How to deal with peer pressure is a pretty constant theme during the school years.

NRomanoff · 22/06/2015 06:44

This sort of thing will happen all through school. If it's upsetting him, speak to the teacher.

I don't see what contact with girls has so with anything. My dd got teased a bit for kissing me as she went in. As I have a 4 year old that goes to the same school I walk her in school and I kiss her on the cheek and off she goes. If anything is said she gives a similar response to the pp above 'excuse me for loving my mum' , they shut up pretty quickly as they have no response.

As she has got older it's one from a kiss and a cuddle, to a quick kiss on the cheek. I think that's normal.

bigoldbird · 22/06/2015 06:48

When my youngest dd was 7 she had a Princess Jasmine swimming costume. A couple of her 'friends' had more grown up bikinis and made my poor dds life a misery until she told me and I ended up buying her something they approved of. I am still fuming and she is now 22. No Mumsnet in those days with good advice. I would go with having a word with the teacher about teasing/kindness.

I know this is not quite the same thing, but I am still seething all these years later and wish I had gone to the school. Feel slightly better for getting it off my chest and hope you and your lovely son are able to sort this out in a way that keeps him happy.

MythicalKings · 22/06/2015 06:53

Don't speak to the other mothers. It won't go well.

All DCs get teased at school, he needs to grow a bit of a shell. There's a thin line between teasing and bullying but I don't think it's been crossed.

TheUnwillingNarcheska · 22/06/2015 06:54

Ds2 still kisses me very publically and he is in year 4 and is in the minorty. Ds1 is in year 7 and kisses me before he leaves the house. It is an expression of love.

I think I would tell school just in case there are other teasing issues. At the end of the day some children can be mean and quite horrid. They will always find something to tease another child about, hair, clothes, shoes, their name, what they have in their lunch etc we just have to teach them how to deal with that.

beatofthedrum · 22/06/2015 07:11

I have a 7 year old who I kiss goodbye.
I'm also a teacher. If a parent of a child in my class was approaching other parents and coming for chats about such a minor matter I would think they were overreacting. This does not sound like bullying, sounds like age-typical teasing. Your role should be supporting your child in deciding what to say, not saying it for him to adults.

FarFromAnyRoad · 22/06/2015 07:31

@ worra - the phantom kiss-pest!

monkeysox · 22/06/2015 07:34

Worra, loved both of your stories. :-D

Op agree with others, don't make a big thing of it. Unless parents are your friends and you would chat anyway.

Ask him to ask them if they love their mums? Hope goes well today.

Mehitabel6 · 22/06/2015 07:38

Teach him to deal with teasing- children tease.

elderflowerlemonade · 22/06/2015 07:40

I don't see anything wrong with the 'I love my mum!' line but the 'do you not love your mum?' is a bit hostile and I personally think it's best to keep things light. I wouldn't kiss mine (8) at school - doesn't mean we don't love each other!

There is a woman who practically snogs her son before he goes in and he does get teased but it does turn my stomach so I'm not surprised!

worra!

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