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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Seven year old teased because he kisses me goodbye.

67 replies

Wheneverwhatever · 21/06/2015 23:47

My son has burstinto tears this evening when he told me he is upset that two classmates (year 2) teases him because he kisses me goodbye.
I am so annoyed that i would like to tell the mothers. I know these two boys, they are single children, so no contacts with girls and the amilies are very patriarcal.

I told my son he should just do what he feels. If he is happy to still give me a kiss before in the class, he should. If he wants to stop, he should not do it becuase of the friends. He said he likes giving me a kiss.

Help me, should i tell the moms of the two boys ? I am just annoyed they are growing boys with taboos and they like tease a friend just because he kisses his mu. Is seven that grown up??

OP posts:

3littlefrogs · 22/06/2015 10:03

OP - my advice to you as a parent of 3, now grown up, DC, do not make a big issue of this. Do whatever you and your child feel comfortable with. Do not encourage your child to make rude comments back to other children - it will escalate and cause further problems.

If possible it is best to deal with teasing by adopting a cheerful, unfazed attitude, not getting into a slanging match.

Bullying is a different matter - I have experience of bullying too, but really - this is a phase boys go through and is best just ignored unless you feel there is actual bullying.

titchy · 22/06/2015 10:25

Yeah OP what was wrong with what the other mum said? You might be in danger of seeing a major issue where there really isn't one...?

And don't get your kids to tell the other one his iq is lower than a ham sandwich. That's really insulting.

A nonchalent shrug with a 'So what' is all that is needed. Anything else provokes a reaction.

DeeWe · 22/06/2015 10:26

I thought she sounded lovely too. I can't imagine it was meant in an ironic way. I've never heard that sort of thing said anything other than genuinely.

I thought when you were saying "the sort of mother" you were meaning that she was the sort of mother you could go and talk to as she'd understand.

SocialMediaAddict · 22/06/2015 10:35

I have 10 year old twin boys. One kisses me. The other one would rather stick pins in his eyes than kiss me in public.

Worra that made me laugh out loud. Reminds me of the time I said to a little blonde boy in the playground 'come on hurry get your stuff we are going home.' He looked at me really confused and said 'I didn't realise I was coming to your house today!'. At that moment I realised it wasn't one of my twin boys but their friend who looked just like them.

LikePirateEyeJavierDog · 22/06/2015 10:35

Give him a kiss before the other kids are around, then he won't feel like he has to choose between the two things. One less complication in his life. :)

WorraLiberty · 22/06/2015 10:37

Social at least you knew the child.

There may have been a completely different outcome if you didn't!!

SocialMediaAddict · 22/06/2015 10:41

Thread has moved on since I posted. The mum sounds lovely.

Kitsandkids · 22/06/2015 10:51

My 7 yyear old foster son still likes a kiss before school. In fact the other day he came running up to where I was waiting to see his younger brother go in and complained I'd forgotten to kiss him. I had kissed him but gave him another one anyway. As far as I know he hasn't been teased about it.

He has been teased about other things though. He was teased that his baseball cap with a picture on was 'babyish' so I bought him a plain one. He was also teased that his underpants were babyish so I bought him boxer shorts.

I wish he was confident enough not to care what other people think, but the teasing really upsets him so, although I tell him that as long as he likes something that's all that matters, I do try and help him fit in as much as possible, which is what he wants to do right now.

ImperialBlether · 22/06/2015 10:57

When my children got to the age where others had stopped kissing their mums in public, they would kiss me at home, before we left the house, then have a signal for "I've just kissed you" - they could do that at a distance and no-one would know.

Original poster

Wheneverwhatever · 22/06/2015 11:05

Ok, you have all given me food for thoughts.
Thanks again.
As I said, I will leave it for the time being.
Hopefully it was one off but if it happens again I will let me son decide what to do.

OP posts:

Mehitabel6 · 22/06/2015 15:53

They tease to get a reaction so don't give them one. titchy is right 'so what' is all that is needed- said in an unbothered way.
Every child needs to be able to get along with their peer group and they learn by their own experiences. I'm sure we would all like to wrap them in cotton wool so that no one ever says an unkind word but life isn't like that. It isn't good for them to be protected to that extent. They need time away from adults to relate to each other.
Of course you protect them from bullying, but teasing isn't bullying.

BackforGood · 22/06/2015 18:26

All of Mehitabel6's posts make a lot of sense.

Your job as a parent is to help your dc to understand that as they go through life some people will say daft things to them, and some people will say things that aren't very kind, or sometimes that are just downright daft. What the dc need to do is learn how to deal with that. You would be doing him no favours by going through life trying to resolve everything for him, by removing anything slightly upsetting - you will be giving him a FAR better start if you give him strategies to deal with things.

Agree with others that the other Mum didn't say anything offensive - I don't think it is "the other mothers" who are the issue here.

mileend2bermondsey · 22/06/2015 19:38

Worra I actually laughed out loud for about a minute at your kissing-the-wrong-kid post. Thanks!

NewFlipFlops · 22/06/2015 19:59

OP, I'd bet the mum mentioned the nice boy who kissed his mum, to her son, if your son was teased shortly afterwards!

MrsV2012 · 22/06/2015 20:15

@ worra poor lad haha!

My 12yo DS still gives me a kiss before school, DD2 (7) does too, but DD1 (10) thinks I'm the biggest embarrassment of a specimen to ever walk the earth, and actively ignores me until she's safely out of view of her friends

I wouldn't bring this up with the boys' DMs directly, as it sounds more like general classroom teasing, not bullying.

FWIW, most of the boys I've seen in my DD2 (Yr2) Class also kiss their Mums goodbye

DirtyDancing · 22/06/2015 22:23

My 18month DS has just really got into kissing and cuddling me big time. I get more kisses and hugs than anyone

But I feel so sad now- having the realisation that one day this may all stop and be really embarrassing! Booo hoo hope he stays to be a kisser!!

Mehitabel6 · 22/06/2015 22:35

It won't necessarily stop- they all find their own way. The important thing is that they find their own way without mother stepping in. They come through the other side anyway. It is a phase, like most of childhood.

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