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AIBU?

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Original poster

Seven year old teased because he kisses me goodbye.

67 replies

Wheneverwhatever · 21/06/2015 23:47

My son has burstinto tears this evening when he told me he is upset that two classmates (year 2) teases him because he kisses me goodbye.
I am so annoyed that i would like to tell the mothers. I know these two boys, they are single children, so no contacts with girls and the amilies are very patriarcal.

I told my son he should just do what he feels. If he is happy to still give me a kiss before in the class, he should. If he wants to stop, he should not do it becuase of the friends. He said he likes giving me a kiss.

Help me, should i tell the moms of the two boys ? I am just annoyed they are growing boys with taboos and they like tease a friend just because he kisses his mu. Is seven that grown up??

OP posts:
Georgethesecond · 22/06/2015 07:48

Oh please don't involve the school, I know this is annoying you but it is really minor. Your DS will forget it long before you do. Kids tease. That's how it is. You just don't hear most of it!

BreadmakerFan · 22/06/2015 07:53

It's hostile to be bullying. If youncantntake it, don't do it.

WellErrr · 22/06/2015 07:54

Your son can learn to conform with accepted behaviour and may avoid being bullied. Or he can stick to his own preferences and probably will be bullied.

This. Sad but true.

Mehitabel6 · 22/06/2015 08:05

It isn't bullying- it is teasing and children need to learn how to deal with it. They will meet it in adult life- you have to rub along with all sorts.

Mehitabel6 · 22/06/2015 08:07

The parents job is to support your child, give them resilience and help them deal with life. Not step in and solve all problems for them. Talking to the teacher or other parents won't solve the problem in this case.

Mehitabel6 · 22/06/2015 08:08

Bullying is a different matter and needs to be taken seriously.

saintlyjimjams · 22/06/2015 08:23

I couldn't disagree more with the notion that you tell your child they have to be a clone of everyone else or they will get bullied. I have taught my children the opposite - they should find their own paths, although I have also told them they don't have to tell everyone everything (which is probably why I have a 13 year old son brave enough to have just started ballet, but sensible enough to have been very choosy about who he's told).

OP I taught my son some funny come backs to deal with teasing ('at least I don't have the iq of a ham sandwich' worked well in year 7 - also taught about being funny in the come backs & not agressive. Your son is young though & mine found teasing very hard to deal with at that age. Now 13 he has no problem with it at all and has managed that without turning into a clone of the cool kids.

LondonRocks · 22/06/2015 08:28

What? Conform or be bullied?!

Or, learn to stand up for yourself! Love what Worra's son said.

Jeez.

Mehitabel6 · 22/06/2015 08:43

Of course they don't have to be a clone or conform! They do however need to be resilient and have a response.
When I was growing up in a small cul de sac where we all played together we had one mother who was always telling us off for not getting on with her son but he was fairly impossible being an only child and used to his own way - he couldn't take the normal rough and tumble of children who didn't want to follow him in anything. His mother's interference did him no favours.
He turned out OK in the end- probably because he did have to learn to deal with things.
Many children get it from siblings who know exactly how to wind them up and use it!

PrawnToast12 · 22/06/2015 08:55

Anything that upsets your child to the point of crying after school is bullying in my opinion. Its not for us to judge what bullying is - it is how certain behaviour makes someone feel. Bullying comes in all different forms, and can escalate from teasing very quickly.

Mehitabel6 · 22/06/2015 08:59

The job of the parent is to make the child resilient and help them deal with it. Siblings deal out far worse! You need to get on with your peer group - you don't get that by mummy dealing with every little upset.
Teasing is not bullying.

Mehitabel6 · 22/06/2015 09:01

I am always shocked by the level of maturity expected by 7 yr olds when adults can't do it! The bullying on some MN threads is far worse than anything in a school playground!

3littlefrogs · 22/06/2015 09:05

This was a common phase at this age when my DSs were at school.
Rather than make a big deal of it, we just had a kiss and a cuddle before we left the house and a brief wave goodbye in the playground.

There are so many challenges as they go through school - children can be very cruel.

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 22/06/2015 09:06

7yo DS will only allow a kiss on the top of his head outside the school gates. 4yo DS2 insists on a proper hug and kiss at the door to his classroom.

It's all part of growing up, isn't it? Tell him to do whatever it is he wants to and ignore other people.

Mehitabel6 · 22/06/2015 09:24

I am very thankful that I was teased by siblings and in the playground and that I learned resilience and how to get in with all sorts ( without having to conform) it stands you in such good stead for adult life when you get the hard knocks and you cope. It is a gradual process as you grow up and learn to deal with things in your own.
I am not talking about bullying which you shouldn't have to deal with and needs sorting.
This was not bullying. It would be bullying if they grouped together and made his life a misery.
If OP tries to stop the teasing she will- but it won't make him any friends - the lesson there is to avoid him. (It might not even stop the teasing if the other parents think it a fuss about nothing.)

Mehitabel6 · 22/06/2015 09:25

Sensible approach wildrumpy.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 22/06/2015 09:27

I agree with Mehitabel6, teasing is not bullying and everyone gets teased occasionally so you need to teach your child to deal with it appropriately, otherwise it could develop into bullying.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 22/06/2015 09:33

I agree with Mehitabel too. He needs to cope with a bit of teasing without his mother wading in IMO. Keep an eye on it, to make sure it doesn't escalate, but other than that leave it and teach him how to cope with a bit of teasing.

Original poster
Wheneverwhatever · 22/06/2015 09:45

Hi.

Thank you everyone for your replies. I read all of them.
This morning, after a good chat at breakfast time (I involved also my 5 year old boy and I explained there will always be someone that teases them for one reason or another), Imy boy was serene.
He actually pull me down to kiss me when the school bell rung (I was busy talking a mum).
As I saw him relaxed I have decided not to talk anyone (either parents and school). I told him to tell me if someone upsets him with teasing again and we will take it from there.

In regards to the other parents..... Few days before my son came home complaining about the teasing, one of the mums of the two boys (the teasers) told me "How lovely your boy doesn't mind kissing you in the playground. M told me not to do it. He doesn't want to be kissed at all, he says it is disgusting to kiss a mum and when I do it he wipes his cheek"....
Few days later, my son was teased.

Can you see which kind of parents I am dealing with????

I would like another help please. Don't think I am stupid but I just want to say the right thing. Can anyone suggest what I should tell my boys on how to react to teasing? (Apart from "I love my mum" and "your iq is smaller than the one of a ham sandwich" Grin)

OP posts:
DeeWe · 22/06/2015 09:45

I remember being teased at about that age for kissing dm goodbye at the gates. I can't remember what I told dm, but I remember asking her to kiss me before we left home. That was the end of that one. No big issue, even though I was pretty sensitive and was bullied at times, that one was simple to solve and making a fuss would have made it worse.

However my 14yo dd still kisses me goodbye every morning in front of the school bus (it stops outside our house, so on our doorstep). Despite her being an easy target no one has ever said anything. I suggested when she started secondary kissing before she opened the door, and she was not happy with that.
Dd2 (age 11yo) refused a kiss on the basis she was too big in reception. However she will happily walk up the road with me holding her hand-she'll be the one to take my hand, dd1 would not have done that after about age 7yo.
Ds is 7yo and has just stopped coming for a cuddle and a kiss before he goes in. He presents his cheek for a kiss, but unless he's feeling a bit wobbly doesn't want a big hug. No one has said anything about it, and if they did he'd probably shrug it off as them missing out. Grin

Original poster
Wheneverwhatever · 22/06/2015 09:48

Again sorry for typos. My keyboard is not working properly

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 22/06/2015 09:51

Can you see which kind of parents I am dealing with????

Not really. She sounds lovely, the way she complimented your child Confused

Original poster
Wheneverwhatever · 22/06/2015 09:54

She was ironic first of all.

Also, she should teach her child that her mother is not disgusting.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wheneverwhatever · 22/06/2015 09:54

his morher

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 22/06/2015 09:59

Oh come on now OP, I think you're taking her words far too seriously.

Since time began, small children have been wiping kisses off their cheeks and saying 'Yuk', especially in public.

You know as well as I do that there's every likelihood, he meant the kiss was 'disgusting', not his Mother!