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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this is rude

62 replies

dejarderoncar · 21/06/2015 21:37

I am a 70 year old lesbian with various physical problems. For many years I have rented a separate part of my house to a friend who is in her fifties. Friend has a new boyfriend, but also has elderly family staying with her at present.
I was away for one night recently, and said to her that she and bf could sleep in my room in my part of the house to give them a bit of privacy. They knew I would be back the following day, and know I am very rarely out late.

I returned the following day at 7.30pm to find them both in bed in my home. They made the excuse that they 'didn't think you'd be back yet', and slunk away like teenagers, but with no apology.

I have just changed all the bedding. AIBU to think that as I was kind (stupid)enough to lend them my bed, they could have left in good time, and stripped the bed ready fo me, as they had undoubtedly been having sex on my sheets?

OP posts:

lordsandladies · 22/06/2015 00:03

Are you the poster of that house in Nottingham? If not there are some oddly snippy OPs on here at the moment

justbatteringon · 22/06/2015 00:07

Your responses aren't very nice.
I understand that at your age you'd find it hard to change the sheets, I think I'd of asked my roommate to do it before they left and taken myself off for a coffee until the task was done.
If you thought them "fucking in your bed was eww" then why offer them your bed?
Learn your lesson from this and don't offer again.

JustHavinABreak · 22/06/2015 00:11

Your expectations regarding them getting out of your bed and laundering the sheets are not unreasonable at all. However your rudeness and aggression on here are completely unreasonable.

Call me homophobic or ageist or whatever other excuse you can dream up but the truth is that I don't care what you do to whom when you're in the mood, nor do I care whether you're 17 or 70. Sounds to me like you got annoyed about a real life situation and didn't deal with the real target of your ire and instead came on here to patronise and pick on anyone who would take the bait.

Italiangreyhound · 22/06/2015 00:14

Yes, they were very rude. And pretty stupid too because you probably won't offer again.

And how rude of some people to tell you what is relevant in your opening post!

TwinkieTwinkle · 22/06/2015 00:18

How was op's sexuality in anyway relevant to her post? It's not. Perhaps she is defensive about her sexuality due to her age, which is definitely fair. They're is no need to be so rude to people though.

Getthewonderwebout · 22/06/2015 00:19

YANBU OP. You did something kind and they were very rude. Pick your moment and tell your friend how annoyed you are about it. If she's decent enough, she'll realise she's in the wrong.

For what it's worth though, I think most people, regardless of sexuality, would find someone else's sex sheets unappetising. To have to handle said sheets goes above and beyond. Most women wouldn't leave period leakage on another persons bedding for that person to sort out. This isn't really different.

SurlyCue · 22/06/2015 00:44

the lesbian part I thought was relevant because I thought my friend would realise that sticky heterosexual fucking in my bed would be something a little bit eeew for me,

Hmm, i wonder how it would come across if i opened a post stating that i was a heterosexual woman and expected that my gay friends would change the sheets because their "homosexual fucking in my bed would be a bit ewww for me"?

Italiangreyhound · 22/06/2015 00:45

In my humble opinion a poster has every right to include whatever factors in the post that they feel are relevant.

Other posters telling the original poster that they feel those comments are not relevant seems to me to be rude. Plus OP has explained why to her this is relevant.

CrystalHaze · 22/06/2015 00:50

"maybe I'm a little more accustomed to spotting concealed homophobia than you. Why would that be the first thing everybody jumped on me for? I was entitled to think it was relevant. There's plenty of 'some of my best friends are gay' homophobia on here. But clearly you know better. Oh, and for me many heterosexual practises are eeew, but live and let live, just change the sheets."

Ah, so anyone wondering why you had to mention your sexuality in the first line of your post is homophobic, but it's fine for say that you're "eeew" about many heterosexual practices, eh?

trashcanjunkie · 22/06/2015 00:55

anybody shagging in my bed except me and my partner is minging.

The gay/straight bit is a red herring, if you had loaned your, erm facilities to a lesbian couple, I suspect you'd still be pretty revolted. A pair of well lubricated vaginas would have a part to play in mucking up sheets too.

Yanbu

Lashalicious · 22/06/2015 00:55

I think they were very rude to not change the sheets AND to still be in your bed the evening you were returning! You were very considerate to offer in the first place but I wouldn't again. After you explained, I understand why you mentioned your personal information and I think it is relevant, it didn't seem so at first, but I see now you've explained
why.

CrystalHaze · 22/06/2015 00:56

Clearly, you would come across as one of those concealed homophobics, and not one of those entirely normal straight people who is happy to sleep in the residue of someone else's "sticky heterosexual fucking".

GeorgianaDevonshire · 22/06/2015 01:01

OP is a wind up.

steff13 · 22/06/2015 05:36

Well, since you offered your bed and didn't give them a specific time that you planned to return, I can't find that they were all that rude to be in the bed. However, they should have changed the sheets. Maybe they were too embarrassed? Did you say, "hey, change the sheets before you go?"

SoldierBear · 22/06/2015 05:46

Deja, yes they were really rude.
Any chance your friend will come round later to apologise?

catlovingdoctor · 22/06/2015 05:48

This has GOT to go into classics!

NRomanoff · 22/06/2015 06:50

Personally I don't want anyone shagging in my bed, of any sexuality. So on that yanbu.

Yabu over the 'ewww hetrosexual fucking' comments. I would also say Yabu to comparing your identity to someone mentioning their dh. My dh is my dh, not part of my identity.

mrsdavidbowie · 22/06/2015 06:54

What a bizarre thread.

Pagwatch · 22/06/2015 06:56

They should have changed the sheets but surely you lent them your bed in order to facilitate the very fucking which you now see to find so repellent.

So I think you are on a sticky wicket really.

Pagwatch · 22/06/2015 06:57

Classics?

Really?

messyisthenewtidy · 22/06/2015 07:06

I understand that you wanted them out way before 7.30pm but what else did you expect them to do if you lent them your bed for privacy...play scrabble?

DorotheaHomeAlone · 22/06/2015 07:09

Yes, they were rude. If you have sex in someone else's bed then you change the sheets after. Gay, straight etc is irrelevant and your language is pretty offensive in that front. You might want to examine your own prejudices before accusing others.

I can see why you mentioned your age though if that makes it trickier for you to change sheets. Also for context, I would have imagined you all as students based on your flatmate's grubby behaviour!

ConsulateMenthol · 22/06/2015 07:14

Why were they in bed at 7pm when she had her elderly parents staying? Presumably she doesn't see them frequently if visiting necessitates them staying over. Seems pretty rude to let them traipse up to see her and for her to then bugger off to bed for an all day shagging session.

ConsulateMenthol · 22/06/2015 07:16

Are her elderly parents approximately the same age as you, OP?

QueenBean · 22/06/2015 07:51

Your comments about heterosexuals are disgusting. If any poster came on and said that homosexual fucking was disgusting they'd be, quite rightly, torn apart.

Show some damn respect the other way around.

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