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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect ds (6) to not wander off when we're out shopping?

29 replies

SweetCharlotteRose · 20/06/2015 12:33

Ds is just 6. I rarely take him shopping as it's more trouble than it's worth but had no choice this morning as dh announced he needed me to get a card and gift for his dad for tomorrow and then went to play golf. Ds had to come with me. I explained we needed to go to three shops and then I'd take him for a drink and a cake or to the library.
He moaned a bit from the get go and then in the card shop, as I was looking at the cards (so not holding his hand but assumed he was next to me) I heard a big crash. Turned around and ds had picked up a ceramic money box and knocked several others off the display in the process. Only one broke which was lucky. The card shop people were really nice, I offered to pay several times but they said it was ok. Ds was upset in the shop (I must admit I shouted at him) but when we came out he said 'it's your fault really mummy for not watching me.'

Aibu to think at six I should be able to take my eyes off him for ten seconds. It was literally seconds. And also Aibu to think he should know not to pick stuff up in shops - he's been told enough times. Anyway I took him home, not for a treat and now he's sulking.

Aibu?

OP posts:
AuntyMag10 · 20/06/2015 12:37

Yanbu, he's already learnt to throw blame on someone else. He's 6yo and you should definitely be able to not watch him every second.

Iloveonionchutney · 20/06/2015 12:40

Definitely not BU, I would have gone home too, he knew he was in the wrong to try and pass the blame on. He'll get over it soon enough.

Original poster
SweetCharlotteRose · 20/06/2015 12:40

Yes it wasn't a wise thing to say as it just annoyed me further!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 20/06/2015 12:41

Cheeky little monkey!

YANBU at all.

Oh apart from the bit where you took any notice at all of your DH's 'announcement'.

He's a cheeky git too!

sashh · 20/06/2015 12:43

I would guess he has heard that from someone else, possibly dad. Why did you 'have' to get the card and present?

Original poster
SweetCharlotteRose · 20/06/2015 12:43

Like father, like son Worra!

Ds must have seen the look on my face because he then said 'well maybe it's 50% your fault and 50% my fault.' I said 'that's big of you ds.' But I think the sarcasm was lost on him.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 20/06/2015 12:46

Let him sulk, and whatever you do do not feel guilty or apologise to him.

If anything, tell him that it was HIS fault. Totally his fault, and that you have no intention of taking such barefaced cheek from him.

That remark from a 6 year old was barefaced cheek, and clearly shows that he knew he was doing wrong. You have done the right thing taking him home and leaving him to stew. Let him stew for as long as it takes. The lesson will sink in.

LazyLouLou · 20/06/2015 12:46

So... the men/boys in your life really have got you at their beck and call, haven't they?

Get my dad a card

  • I'm off to golf

You should watch my every move

  • I'm off to be naughty
getbusyliving · 20/06/2015 12:47

Your husband is off playing golf and 'announces' you need to choose and buy his Father's present? If I read that right, this would be a bigger issue to me than my DS behaviour.

foxinsocks · 20/06/2015 12:49

It's his father (dh), he can buy the sodding card. I'm sure there's a petrol station between your house and golf fgs. You're not his PA.

WorraLiberty · 20/06/2015 12:49

If anything, tell him that it was HIS fault. Totally his fault, and that you have no intention of taking such barefaced cheek from him.

This ^^

FadedRed · 20/06/2015 12:51

YANBU to expect 6 year old to behave himself.
I think you are B slightly U to think you need to reward Ds with cake etc for behaving himself when you have to do something that he might find mildly tedious i.e. small amount of shopping. Save rewards for good behaviour for more exceptional circumstances.
Agree with Worra

noddingoff · 20/06/2015 12:52

Well, he's probably old enough to know better but I was always wandering off at that age. You were a wee bit U to shout at him in the shop -it was an accident - but I suppose it must be quite infuriating. I hope that you did make him apologise to the nice card shop staff so that he learns to apologise for accidental stuff not just intentional stuff. The blaming you is just ridiculous - I would have given him a bollocking for that and explained that he was lucky not to have been around 30 years ago or he would likely have had a hard smack for being cheeky. You are definitely NBU to take him home rather than for a treat (for being moany then blaming the accident on you, rather than the accident itself).

WorraLiberty · 20/06/2015 12:54

I don't think she was BU to shout at him.

Yes, it was an accident but this accident was caused by the child being naughty.

That's the difference imo.

noddingoff · 20/06/2015 12:57

OK fair enough, I guess 6 is old enough to obey some simple instructions for ten seconds!

Lweji · 20/06/2015 13:03

dh announced he needed me to get a card and gift for his dad for tomorrow and then went to play golf

Really? Didn't you tell him to get one himself on the way to golf?

(I know, not the point of the OP and off to read the rest of it)

PuppyMonkey · 20/06/2015 13:10

Nope couldn't get past the bit where your DH announced you needed to get his dad a card while he went off to golf. What a tit.

Lweji · 20/06/2015 13:12

I'd punish him for saying it was my fault as much as for breaking the box at the shop (and how he did it).

He must really learn not to blame other people and something they should be able to do at 6 is to apologise for their own behaviour.

Original poster
SweetCharlotteRose · 20/06/2015 13:12

The shouting was just a gut reaction. I don't usually do shouting.

OP posts:
Lweji · 20/06/2015 13:13

You should have told your DH that you'd get the card, but you needed him to take DS to golf. Grin

Original poster
SweetCharlotteRose · 20/06/2015 13:19

Yes - ds going to golf may have been better!
Ds apologised without prompting to the shop lady and offered to pay from his pocket money.

OP posts:
Scaredycat3000 · 20/06/2015 13:20

DC1 is six, he's still in training. He's naturally not to boisterous other wise he would probably have broken something by now. And what is it with the attitude on yr1's. Reception brought out some very unpleasant and surprising violent language and new play, yr1 has given him a nasty attitude. Speaking to other Mum's we all seem to be saying the same thing and doing our best to put them back on the right track.
Glad to see you and your OH help each other out when you've made a mistake. It can't be very nice to be in a relationship where if you make a mistake your partners response is basically fuck you I'm not helping even though I could.

TwoOddSocks · 20/06/2015 13:24

He was in the wrong and tried to pass blame. I don't agree with the "cheek" comments, the problem is that he thinks that it's your fault not that he says so. Stopping him from saying it won't stop him from thinking it.

Shouting obviously isn't the best course of action even when a kid's done something wrong, but it happens. I think you need to be clear of your expectations of him in public and let him know that it is his responsibility to behave as you expect. He should also know in advance what the repercussions will be if he doesn't behave.

noddingoff · 20/06/2015 13:26

Good for your DS apologising to the shop people and offering to pay himself, at least that's a piece of good behaviour that you can point out when he comes out of the sulk.

Lweji · 20/06/2015 13:26

What people are reacting is the "need" to get the card, and then take off for golf.

I'd expect a would you be so nice and please not "need", if that was the expression he used.