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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have given me DS(8) an iPod touch and then taken it away due to total addiction and personality change!

23 replies

savebraveted · 18/06/2015 11:19

It is like he is going through a heroin withdrawal! Bouts of sobbing begging for it back. We bought him and DS (6) iPod touches for Christmas and were naive at the time-suckage and addictive nature of the things. After a lot of wrestling with my conscience, I finally snapped and took them away.
My younger one was not really bothered but my older one had really been changing, much less inquisitive and imaginative. Seemed to live for the bloody video games.
I feel bad that I let them have a taste, but I can´t believe how evil the things are! Want my boy back...which is already happening after 4 days off the thing, thank goodness.

OP posts:

19lottie82 · 18/06/2015 11:20

Can you not assign him an allocated amount of time per day, based on good behaviour?

19lottie82 · 18/06/2015 11:21

It does seem a bit mean to take it away completely, if it was his Christmas present.......

usualsuspect333 · 18/06/2015 11:21

I think it's a bit mean to take it away completely.

19lottie82 · 18/06/2015 11:21

cross post :D

LashesandLipstick · 18/06/2015 11:25

Technology is not "evil", and there is nothing wrong with children using it. If you really feel he's using it too much just let him use it for a set time, but really I think you're overreacting. Kids will get obsessed with something new for a while and then they'll move on to something else, it's very normal

knowsaymuhfuh · 18/06/2015 11:25

YANBU.

I've seen this. Particularly when they have to stop playing and it's like a completely different, and rather horrible child you never met before has suddenly appeared in your house.

samG76 · 18/06/2015 11:27

YANBU - we had exactly the same - the school called us in after about 2 weeks because his behaviour had become so terrible. It improved as soon as we took the tablet away.

CoffeeChocolateWine · 18/06/2015 11:28

I know exactly what you mean...I've seen the same changes with my DS who is almost 7. Totally addicted and not interested in anything other than computer games.

But I haven't taken his away completely. At the moment he's only allowed it at weekends and for 45mins at a time. He has accepted this now.

LadyCuntingtonThe3rd · 18/06/2015 11:32

My DS had the same issue. I just told him that he has set time every day. You should make sure he understands the rules and if he won't put it away as soon as you tell him, you will take it away for a month. Then make sure you will do it as well. Otherwise it has no point.

Original poster

savebraveted · 18/06/2015 11:32

We tried to time limit to 20 minutes a day for a while and it was a constant battle, culminating with him hiding and playing on the loo! We have discussed allowing him a limited time on a weekend afternoon and will see how it goes.
I don´t think all technology is evil, we spend a lot of time looking things up on You Tube and he uses Edmodo for school. I guess it´s really the "evil" video game designers who hook the kids in on purpose or, even worse, the horrendous Stampy!!

OP posts:

WhitePhantom · 18/06/2015 11:35

Definitely need to restrict it - we saw the same here. Lovely kids turning into absolute horrors! They really are addictive, and the withdrawal symptoms are very bad!

It seems a shame to take it away completely, but I'd say restrict it a lot, and if behaviour warrants it then restrict it more (but make sure they know why it's being further restricted).

sanquhar · 18/06/2015 11:39

Same here.

Better to take it away entirely than have to deal with the screaming and house trashing that happens at the end of the allotted time.

DS was a hellion when he had a tablet. He's not had it for 4 months now and is a the same as was before the tablet arrived. Will never make the mistake of buying games consoles again!

MissMuesli · 18/06/2015 11:41

20 minutes isn't long at all, I think you need to him a fair amount of time to play on it. I do think it is abut unfair to take it away completely, a fair time limit would better.

reni1 · 18/06/2015 11:45

Many children really can not do just a little. 8 can be way too young, some children will still tantrum and cry for it at that age, had similar with dsc, dc will not get one until 12 or thereabout. You describe the real challenge very well "much less inquisitive and imaginative". That's just it- really inhibits learning as well as fun. Seeing young children that addicted projects a terrible future of an unwashed and lonely 40yo living in his childhood bedroom with no friends, glued to a screen and eating cold pizza during all night game sessions.

Well done for taking them away and YANBU at all. YWBU to allow it I think.

LashesandLipstick · 18/06/2015 11:48

I really don't get this bashing of computer games that is going on..

What's wrong with doing both? Why the false choice between playing outside like the good old days and spending time as an "unwashed 40 year old living in his childhood bedroom"?

Every generation thinks the new generations technology is ruining kids...it's not a new thing but it's just strange. You guys realise you can get educational video games, right?

OP I agree SOME video games are designed to hook kids and that's unfair. But on the whole, I don't have an issue with them

TwinkieTwinkle · 18/06/2015 11:50

It's getting the balance which is awkward. When DS got his iPad at Christmas he would have played on it constantly. I noticed he started getting cheekier and not paying attention when I was talking. That was very strange behaviour from him because (not saying this in a braggy way) he has always been amazingly well behaved, never had any problems even as a toddler. I finally removed the iPad for one week. When he got it back he knew it was purely dependent on his behaviour. He's back to normal now, I ask him to put it down and he does. He's simply not willing to risk losing it completely again.

reni1 · 18/06/2015 11:51

I don't have an issue with them either, Lashes, but the evidence is in in this case and the OP's ds is gaming before all else and has lost his lovely imagination and curiosity because of them. Only solution is stop it. If some food or friend would cause a personality change like this you would cut them out.

LashesandLipstick · 18/06/2015 11:54

Reni he is 8, has a toy and is enjoying it at the moment. It'll wear off, kids go through obsessions with different things at different times. I agree limiting it is a good idea, but to completely take it away just seems over the top.

I can remember spending 10 hours on the sims a few times when it was new and I thought it was the coolest thing EVER. Did I grow up to spend that amount of time on the computer, every day, forever? No! They;re just kids

maninawomansworld · 18/06/2015 11:55

Total withdrawal is a bit harsh.
Maybe say they can have 45 mins / an hour a day at weekends only, based on their behaviour during the week.

OOAOML · 18/06/2015 12:02

20 minutes is not very much. We're trying to reduce screen time just now, have got a bit lax as there is no homework at this stage of the year. We're taking all screens away 30 minutes before bed at the moment, the computer they have timed slots (with the oven timer) of 40 minutes and we give a bit of leeway over 'finishing up time' as often they aren't at a point they can save their game etc. I have an ipad mini they sometimes get to use and we aren't putting time limits on that (they get very into arguing about exact minutes and precedence and I want to move more to flexibility and self-regulation) but will monitor to make sure they aren't using it loads. I take it to work with me so they only end up with a small amount of time in the evening if they don't have Guides/Cubs etc.

I'm discussing various options with them for things to do (park, swimming, reading, lego etc) and talking about how we should be doing a range of activities rather than just taking devices away.

Original poster

savebraveted · 18/06/2015 12:06

Yes, as I mentioned above, I am going to allow an allotted time on a weekend afternoon. I agree total withdrawal is a bit harsh and will probably make him think about it even more (like me with chocolate!)
I agree that kids get obsessed with things and then it passes, he has been through all the normal phases: spinning tops, diablos etc but this is definitely on a different level. He is very bright (gifted and talented register) and usually very well behaved. Since he started on the iPod he has been in more trouble at school and had difficulties socially. He has also lost interest in reading. I am sure it is not a coincidence.
From what I have read, these games can actually re-wire their brains. Here is an example:
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/children/8825655/Video-games-can-alter-childrens-brains.html

OP posts:

LashesandLipstick · 18/06/2015 12:13

Save, agree a weekend afternoon is a good idea! Are you sure the ipod is the cause of the trouble at school? And as for the research it's true but it depends WHAT games are being played...would it be possible for you to get some educational games downloaded for him? I used to love them as a child (was also on G&T) Anything can "rewire a child's brain" - a positive or negative experience for example, creates pathways. Out of interest is there a specific game causing problems or is it the ipod in general?

maninawomansworld · 18/06/2015 12:13

I don't allow any screen time Monday - Thursday.
Friday night I allow an hour, then an hour a day over the weekend. I will allow a bit more if it's pouring down and we are all stuck inside for the day though.

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