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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend shouldn't be researching what I earn?

36 replies

conniedescending · 18/06/2015 10:09

I work in the public sector where salaries are declared publicly. I've recently been promoted and during a group conversation my friend not only announced my salary to everyone but also made a 'jokey' comment about why I was moaning about all the school contribution requests when I was earning such an enormous amount of money. We've had a bit of an argument as I suggested she was a bit sad to go looking for how much I earn when I have never ever mentioned it to her. Now I'm being branded as 'tight'

OP posts:
AuntyMag10 · 18/06/2015 10:10

Yanbu, your friend is very nosy. Who is she telling you not to be moaning. Sounds like she's a bit jealous of you.

Original poster
conniedescending · 18/06/2015 10:10

Just to add....I don't earn an enormous amount of money but am aware it's s good salary. But unlike this person I work full time and have 4 children

OP posts:
saoirse31 · 18/06/2015 10:16

She was probably nbu in this day of Internet with massive amts of information online to find your salary. she was being v unreasonable to announce it. Is she really a friend- probably not.

BarbarianMum · 18/06/2015 10:21

Where I work (3rd sector organisation) everyone's pay - from ceo to admin assistant - is common knowledge (info available to all staff). I think it is better like that. Why aren't you proud of your promotion? It should be easy to justify the increase in salary.

BarbarianMum · 18/06/2015 10:23

I don't understand your comment about your working hours and no. children. You surely don't get more money for having 4 children and salaries are generally pro rata.

bbcessex · 18/06/2015 10:24

I think you are absolutely not unreasonable.. how dare she 'announce' it to anyone, let alone everyone Shock.

BabyMurloc · 18/06/2015 10:25

If you have 4 children school trip costs are x4 and so are childcare bills. That big wage can vanish quickly!

I would find it creepy.

Bragadocia · 18/06/2015 10:26

It's a bit intrusive to research what you earn if she doesn't work in the same sector, but not an awful thing to do. However it was really out of order to announce it, particularly with her pissy comment. She's sounds jealous. And unkind. Is she entirely nice in all other ways, as it sounds like she might be the type to not always have your best interests at heart.

ImperialBlether · 18/06/2015 10:26

She doesn't sound like much of a friend in my opinion. If she's not working full time then maybe you could remind her (when she mentions your salary) that if she worked full time she could earn more, too.

TheEmpressofBlandings · 18/06/2015 10:27

People are weird (and nosy) when it comes to money. One of my MIL's friends (who we don't even particularly know!) researched how much our kids school fees were and was questioning her how we could afford it.

ollieplimsoles · 18/06/2015 10:29

Very rude indeed OP. MY DH works in the public sector and people are always pretending they know how the pay brackets work and asking him how much he earns.

Its one of the first things people ask me as well because my job is quite unusual and I'm self employed. If people who want to get into the business ask me- I tell them, other wise- jog on!

CactusAnnie · 18/06/2015 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cailindana · 18/06/2015 11:03

I have decided I have no more room in my life for jealous people. It is just so tiring and boring and downright annoying to be around people who begrudge you every bit of good fortune you have. Just cut her out, you'll feel better for it.

BreconBeBuggered · 18/06/2015 11:20

Given the opportunity, I might well do the same as your friend. I am a nosy bastard. However, if I had, I'd STFU about it, as I wouldn't want anyone finding out I'd been snooping. As for suggesting you have no right to moan given your enhanced salary, well, fuck that. Everyone's circumstances are different, and yours are not public property.

Pumpkinpositive · 18/06/2015 11:21

Your "friend" is obviously jealous.

However do you think you moan about expenditure a lot? Honestly.

I can see why that would be irritating. And perhaps even why constant harping (if that is the case, not saying it is) might pique someone's curiosity about how much said person earns.

But to announce it in the fashion she did is not on. I would say she isn't really your friend and I would be looking to give her a wide berth.

knowsaymuhfuh · 18/06/2015 11:23

Don't complain about how much money you're spending when you are earning top whack out of everyone else's taxes, then.

I think it's good that the lid is blown a bit on this - a lot of poor beknighted public sector workers are quite frankly paid lavishly compared to the rest of us, and the pensions they have been getting, fucking hell.

Sianilaa · 18/06/2015 11:30

I think YAB a bit U actually. Why does it matter that she knows how much you earn? Ok she shouldn't have blabbed about it like she did, but it must be common knowledge and open to the public to look up. So anyone could know how much you earn realistically.

ImperialBlether · 18/06/2015 11:50

No, knowsaymuhfuh, public sector workers' pay has always lagged behind the private sector equivalent and the pension was a way of making it even at the end.

Gottagetmoving · 18/06/2015 11:53

She was wrong to blab it out in public,..but she is jealous and that is a sickness so feel sorry for her.

knowsaymuhfuh · 18/06/2015 11:54

"No, knowsaymuhfuh, public sector workers' pay has always lagged behind the private sector equivalent and the pension was a way of making it even at the end."

...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 18/06/2015 11:55

I think it's about time all salaries were public knowledge. There's nothing worse than people earning £80k then moaning about money. And it's nothing to do with 'working hard' either. People earning 15k work hard too.

knowsaymuhfuh · 18/06/2015 11:58

I think somebody forgets we can now look up public sector wages. The bin men and dinner ladies get shafted royally (by those above them who set their wages and get paid criminally, by the way) but the trades and professions certainly aren't lagging now, in fact they are using the abuse of lower paid workers in the public sector to hide their ludicrous wages behind the averages.

In my profession, which is already well-paid, moving to the public sector has, for at least 20 years, been a way to double your wages, have your workload reduced to 1-10 projects, and completely remove the worry of whether your organization makes a profit.

GoodToesNotSoGoodToes · 18/06/2015 12:04

She is no friend and that would be the last time I bothered with her.

Nosey people like that who take their issues out on others are on my avoid list.

Does she need to know how often you go to the toilet also?

lottiegarbanzo · 18/06/2015 12:05

How very crass and vulgar of her. I really mean that - old fashioned but true.

Not very friendly either. Her intent in contrasting your salary with your, presumably lighthearted, comments about school contributions, was to show you up publicly as a hypocrite. That's nasty motivation and behaviour.

There are really good reasons why speculating publicly about others' financial situations is considered rude. Finances are complex and based on a multitude of personal decisions, based in values, preferences, circumstances which may not be widely known, family relationships, all sorts. All of which someone might not want to discuss. It's never as simple as being able to predict someone's discretionary spending by knowing their salary.

maninawomansworld · 18/06/2015 12:11

So much jealousy towards public sector workers!

Most of the top people in the public sector could easily earn more if they went private.

My DW is a surgeon (NHS) and earns nearly £200k.
A colleague of hers went private about 3 or 4 years ago (after the NHS funded all the training / professional development etc that he needed) and is now raking in over £500k a year.
He has approached DW a couple of times about joining his business as a partner. DW feels very loyal to the health service and believes in it absolutely. However, every time another round of cuts comes in or they try to force the NHS staff to sign new contracts that leave them worse off / with poorer pensions etc she does waver.

If you are highly skilled / fairly senior (as the OP appears to be) then public sector is not always the best option.

Back to the original post - yes your friend was BU. It's one thing to look up your salary, quite another to announce it to all your friends and then use it as ammunition to have a go at you.