Wedding attendance tips

[nottheOP]

A TAAT of sorts. After reading that guests don't like to hang around for hours I thought that a helpful guide to attending a wedding could prove helpful... here goes;

Grab a sandwich for lunch - weddings are often at 1-2pm which is lunchtime. This is followed by a break in proceedings to check in to the hotel and have a drinks reception whilst the happy couple have photos done. Grab something to eat - you're not getting fed for a while.

Instead of thinking that you're hanging around waiting for dinner, chat to your mates and have fun. There's a bar, so have a drink.

If you don't want to give cash, buy a present off the list, contribute to a honeymoon - don't!

Please do feel free to add to the list. Most brides and grooms are out to enjoy their day and to celebrate with their nearest and dearest, not annoy you.

Ooh, should have posted in chat. Not an AIBU kind of poster.

Don't wear white.

Don't wear all black either - or anything really indecently short/low cut.

Don't dress DDs in flower girl dresses if they are not the flower girl.

Take a pashmina and flat shoes in cases of drafts/lots of walking between venues

Take cash- often bar is cash only

If you go, be happy for the couple and expect a good time. If you are bitter and will resent being there and spending the time/money- decline the initiation!

If you have children, and they are invited, either bring them or don't. Do not ring the bride and rant that she should have asked before writing their names on the invite as you wanted a child-free day and now your kids are whining about being left with Grandma.

Do not pester the bride and groom to make a wedding list when they've decided not to, and then when they comply to make your life easier, moan that everything on it is boring.

Do not ring the bride's mother with an extensive list of people you will and will not sit with. Trust that some sense will be used in creating the seating plan, and otherwise suck it up.

If you are the bride's mother, do not insist on coming wedding dress shopping, throw a strop about it taking too long, and then insist on no fewer than FIVE shopping trips to find your outfit, then cry and say nobody cares about you when bride refuses to go on a sixth trip as she has work to do.

Follow the instructions to RSVP - it might irritate you to have to go on a special wedding website and choose your menu 6 months in advance, bit if that's what the B&G want you to do, JFDI

The question of whether children should be included is always contentious, but if you want some variety of child free make it clear that it is no children/only babes in arms/only family children. Don't invite some friends children and not others without good reason. Especially if it is because said child has special needs.

If you are the mother of the groom, try to not pull a cats bum face all day.

Don't invite guests to ceremony, then tell them to bugger off until the evening do.

If as the mother of the groom, you are not contributing to the wedding (fine), don't try to dictate the guest list, including giving a long list of your friends, and telling the groom he cannot invite his own father or any of his grandparents (maternal or paternal) as you do not like them.

Yes, this is the bitter voice of experience.

Also as the bride, if you insist on having a wedding blog, try not to slag off people in it. Especially friends' children.

Also with RSVPing, if you do have specific requirements, please tell the couple when you RSVP. You might think you don't want to cause a fuss, but really, it's much more irritating to discover second-hand that actually Great Aunty so-and-so can't really manage certain foods, but didn't want to cause a fuss and was planning just to fill up on bread rolls. If you let the couple know, they can normally make arrangements.

Also, there is a deadline for RSVP'ing for a reason. You might think that you can decide a bit nearer the time whether your partner / kids can come or whether your kid would actually like a meal, but venues often have deadlines for confirming orders and paying.

'Don't invite guests to ceremony, then tell them to bugger off until the evening do.'

Absolutely right. This has to be one of the most important rules of all for brides and grooms. Also - feed your guests properly with weather-appropriate food i.e. do not serve cold chicken and salad on fridge-cold plates in the middle of January

For guests

• don't wear shoes that are so high, new and uncomfortable that you literally need physical assitance from a friend to walk anywhere
• don't show up for the evening do with your new girlfriend and attempt to recreate some sort of lapdance / sex show on the dance floor in front of everyone
• eat a massive breakfast / lunch (depending on time of ceremony) so you're not collapsing with hunger by the time food gets served
• DO NOT put photos of the couple on FB or social media before they have had a chance to do so themselves, and respect their wishes if they ask you not to post any photos on social media ever

Just decline the invitation and spare yourself the boredom and expense of the vanity fest that weddings have become.

choli, I like that advice! Vanity fest is right (for most people)

Be prepared to muck in and solve problems so that the bride/groom doesn't have to. E.g. if you can see that there's a seating problem at a table with too few places or chairs, have a quiet word with a member of staff yourself.

If you're in the inner circle, be prepared for tears and stress before the ceremony, and have an emergency kit containing anything you could possibly need (including safety pins). Do not forget midge spray for outdoor weddings. Be prepared to talk to the annoying in laws or the demanding/relentlessly negative mother to distract them so your friend who is getting married can have a bit of peace.

Keep an eye out for the guest who just broke up with their long term partner, for whom this is excruciating, and make sure they are OK.

'Keep an eye out for the guest who just broke up with their long term partner, for whom this is excruciating, and make sure they are OK.'

shove, that is lovely and extremely thoughtful advice

I always put a couple of cereal bars in my bag just in case!

er, not married but I've organised massive events before and I'd murder anyone who interfered with tables etc. as per the pp. if it's not your wedding don't take control ;-)

ps- I wouldn't actually murder anyone.

Echo think about if you will need to eat before the ceremony, and take a pack up to eat in the car park before hand if need be! Just because you don't normally eat until 1:30 on a weekend, if a wedding is booked for 1, the meal probably won't be served before 4pm, so have a sandwich at 12:30 on your way!

Agree specify in advance if you have a dietary need. Most venues can work round it, but tell the couple.

put some plasters in your clutch bag.

If it's looking like a sunny day, put on sunscreen and pick up sunglasses, even if the plan is to be indoors, brides are likely to ask the venue to go outside/photographers are likely to take everyone outside.

Also make sure you have a big brolly in the car, if the plans involve you having ot be outside for a bit while a venue is turned round from ceremony set up to tables for the meals to evening dancing, you will be expected to go outside even if it's raining. (this is very common issue with weddings in venues like church halls or barns, there's not a separate indoors space to shove you all).

Think about shoes - high shoes that will hurt and you won't be able to dance in aren't the right choice for 1pm - 1am do. Similarly, think if it's a barn or church hall or outdoorsy/rustic type wedding, stillettos are a bad choice, you'll sink into the grass. block heels/wedges are more practical.

oh, don't get so drunk you are a problem that one of the wedding party has to deal with. If you feel a row brewing with your other half, leave and have said row at home/in your hotel room, don't make a drama in the middle of someone else's big day.

another one! There's no such thing as a free bar, your friends will be paying for those drinks, so don't do the thing of getting a drink, having a third of it, putting it down while you dance then going getting another one. If you'd hang on to it/finish the one you'd got if you'd bought it yourself, then show some consideration to the fact your friend has bought that.

I was under the impression that this was already an unwritten rule: Do not under any circumstances wear white or cream, or anything that could be mistaken for white or cream!
DH has a friend who's girlfriend I absolutely detest (she was in the same year as me at school and was a vile cow to me for 5 years of high school), but to keep DH happy, I agreed to invite them to the wedding. Lo and behold...the bitch shows up in a white dress. Not just a white dress...a white maxi dress I was so furious, I wanted to rip her throat out just so the blood would dye her dress My dear old mum, forever looking out for her DD, went up to her before the ceremony started and said "I suggest you go home and get changed."
Love ya mum

So any tips for the mother of the bride? (dreading a posh white wedding do at a ridiculously expensive hotel at the other end of the country (his lovely parents are paying) and attending with grandmother of the bride who can't be relied on not to get pissed and be rude to with her ex-son-in law and all his relations)

I really don't get this 'invited to the ceremony and then just the night do'. In my experience (and to be fair this has mostly been church weddings) anybody can go to 'watch' the ceremony. Many of our friends and neighbours attended our actual wedding but were not invited to our very small reception. They were invited and did attend our 'evening party' though.
That's how it has always been around here - churches are public places. People turn up to be part of the ceremony.

I'm a firm believer in the less formal. So my advice for attendees would be - remember why you are there, to wish the happy couple well and share their day. Do just that. Share their enjoyment and suck up any small inconveniences. Enjoy and don't moan about it.

mother of the bride - don't wear black!

a couple of tears with a smile makes you look like you are overwelmed with happy emotion. Sobbing with shuddering shoulders makes you look like you are bereft at your daughter's poor choice.

Say nice things about the groom to his mum. Compliment her hat.

Do a tour of the room/guests, and try to say hello to everyone, not just the people you already know, it makes all the guests feel really welcome when the wedding party go round to talk to them, esp those guests who don't know many other people there.

Dance, preferably at least once with the best man. But when you do, keep your hands above his belt.

Try not to get stuck dealing with the girl crying in the bathroom (there's always one), unless it involves taking over from your DD who was on crying girl duty.

Avoid dance move that involve flashing underwear.

Don't punch anyone. (one of DH's friends' mum punched someone at his wedding reception. So sad we missed that wedding as we were already at another wedding that weekend)

Other than that, you're golden.

Be smiley and chatty with everyone, even mad uncle Harold the B&G want you to enjoy their day too.

Write a nice thank you letter to the hosts within a week after the event.

If you are the bride's parents and have spent £30,000 on the wedding, please be polite and show some class by at least acknowledging the groom's family and friends. Do not completely ignore the groom's mother during the meal. If you really don't like the groom WTF did you spend all that money????