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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to make a 6yr old do chores ?

122 replies

EvilTendency1 · 16/06/2015 11:44

Apparently asking a 6yr old to do the following is too much for them :
Straight in from school, change and hang up uniform / put in washing basket if dirty
Put Shoes away neatly / Hang coat up
Clear all toys away just before bed back into the toy box
Empty top shelf of dishwasher (all plastic cups and plates - so no sharp items)
Take empty bowl/plate into kitchen after meal and place in the sink with used cup (plastic - so no chance of broken glass)
Help with putting a load of washing in to the tumble dryer about once a week, (I wash three loads then when all done the tumble dryer goes on) dc just takes clothes out of washing machine and puts them into the dryer if they are downstairs and I hear the washing machine beep away that it's finished.

Am I being nasty by insisting these are done ?

OP posts:

windchime · 17/06/2015 19:23

I had a small debate with DP about this subject. I overheard a fit and healthy school mum saying that her 8yr DS chooses to go to bed early rather than do his chores. She doesn't work outside the home, but her kids have to do everything but the ironing and cooking. How bloody miserable. DP thinks children should do some chores (other than keeping a tidy bedroom and hanging up blazers) but I think there is plenty of life left for drudgery. There is absolutely no way I want my DCs to dread the end of school because that's when their chores begin. It is tantamount to bullying.

MineIsAGinAndTonic · 17/06/2015 19:26

I have boys and they couldn't manage all that at six. One was later diagnosed as dyspraxia and autistic so that explained a great deal.
But in general, I don't think these are 'chores' - they are part and parcel of learning to look after yourself. Surely it's a parent's job to teach children how to look after themselves?
Mine are 9 and 11 and struggle with peeling though . Wondering if the one with dyspraxia will ever be able to do it. I suspect he'll learn to scrub well and eat the skins .

Meerka · 17/06/2015 19:45

Hey a lot of the nutrition is in the skins, that's a good thing ginandtonic!

Dancergirl · 17/06/2015 20:17

But now I am the tidiest clean freak ever even without years of life lessons and chores as a child

Me too!

Only on MN do people get so het up about chores. Yes it's good to introduce the concept and yes they should learn that families muck in together. But that doesn't mean you hover over them until they're done properly or if they miss something occasionally.

Oh and OP, why do you make your dc change after school, creating TWO lots of washing per day??

Sparklingbrook · 17/06/2015 20:21

Dancer I am sure it has totally baffled my Mother. I am always dashing out to buy new on the market cleaning products and hoover every day. Laundry always up to date and everything.

I am not a great cook but that's because I hate cooking more than anything.

answersonapostcardplease · 17/06/2015 20:21

Dd3 is 6. She is in charge of tidying the playroom. Dd2 who she shares a room with cleans their room and en-suite. They can't both do it as ww3 starts.

She also supposed to put dirty washing in wash bin, take her plate/bowl etc through and put her clothes that go in draws away. She also does random jobs when asked if shes in the mood

Dancergirl · 17/06/2015 20:29

I love cooking but my mum didn't teach me anything at all. I don't even remember baking with her. I learnt to cook properly in my early twenties when I wanted to and was more interested in food then.

I don't remember being shown how to put a wash on, clean the bathroom, hoover etc, but had no problem doing all these things when I needed to. It's not exactly rocket science.

What about these 70s kids who went out all day on their bikes with some sandwiches and only went home for tea, when did they do their chores??

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 17/06/2015 20:33

Us 70s kids were sent up the chimney in the early morning before our bike rides.

And then we had to beat the carpets and scrub the step and put the clothes through the mangle before bed. Hoovers? Washing machines? No chance.

reallywittyname · 17/06/2015 22:18

Dd is 2 and she tidies her toys away, puts her dirty laundry in her basket, puts her shoes away when we come in, takes her dirty/empty plate and cup to the sink and is better at me than remembering to empty the filter on the tumble dryer and putting the fluff in the bin . She's also very good at loading and unloading the washing machine/tumble dryer which is a godsend just now as I am almost 38 wks pg and bending down is a killer! Although I do the detergent bit, obviously. She will also hand me pegs when I hang the washing out and I am going to get her to chop mushrooms with a plastic knife next time I have need of them .

So no I don't think you are being nasty. Every member of the household should help out according to their capabilities.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 18/06/2015 01:03

"Us 70s kids were sent up the chimney in the early morning before our bike rides.

And then we had to beat the carpets and scrub the step and put the clothes through the mangle before bed. Hoovers? Washing machines? No chance."

Yes, that's right, that's what we had to do in the 70s.
(although actually my Mum did have a mangle for the early part of the 70s, although I wasn't allowed to work it!)

MineIsAGinAndTonic · 18/06/2015 01:10

eeh, and there b'ain't no dishwashers in them days

OldBloodCallsToOldBlood · 18/06/2015 09:16

OP, your list is very similar to what my just-turned-five year old does, and he has autism. He can't empty the dishwasher as we have a countertop one that's out of his reach, but he puts plates, cups and bowls away as I empty the dishwasher and put them where he can reach.

Meerka · 18/06/2015 09:22

thumbwitches a mangle! we had an old fashioned chew-your-fingers mincer which was bad enough. Saw mangles now and then, scary now I think of a mangle and little fingers ...

we still don't have a dishwasher, but don't make him dry up. Too close to bedtime (he's a little bugger if he doesn't get enough sleep)

lilacmamacat · 18/06/2015 18:52

(haven't had time to read the whole thread yet but...)
My DS is 4 and helps with making the beds, doing the washing, putting his clean clothes away, putting his plate and cutlery in the dishwasher after meals, and is solely responsible for putting the cutlery (but not sharp knives) away when it comes out of the dishwasher. It's also his job to tidy his toys, on the basis that you make the mess, you clear it up.
IMO if you don't start them young, you're only making a rod for your own back.

odyssey2001 · 18/06/2015 19:22

My 4.5 year old will:
lay the table including everything for everyone at breakfast and lunch,
sort out his clothes at the end of the day including making sure they are the right way round (although he often forgets),
clear his things from the table,
get out his own clothes (except his t shirts because he still struggles with hangers)
make his bed
keep his shoes tidy
tidy all toys away at the end of the day / bath
More will be added as he becomes more capable. Of these, only tidying toys requires cajoling. These are not chores but basic contributions to the running of the family home. We all live there so we all contribute.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/06/2015 11:12

Meerka - oh yes, we had those mincers. In fact I bought my own quite a while ago, and now have inherited my Nanna's as well, so have two! Don't use it often though as we don't tend to have much cold meat left over - but I have used them for e.g. mincing raw suet fat down from the butcher (can't get Atora here) for making Christmas puddings.

damibasiamille · 19/06/2015 11:47

I could never understand why some parents made such an issue of DCs keeping their rooms tidy. As far as I was concerned, it was his room, and if it was a mess, it was no-one else's problem. (Actually, he pretty soon became a lot tidier than me!)

I think there's a danger of getting a bit preachy about all this. Bringing up DCs is hard and we're all doing our best in a not-very-helpful world, and if we get them through to adulthood without major disasters we've done bloody well IMHO!

BingBong36 · 19/06/2015 11:52

My 6 year old doesn't do anything I really need to sort this out!

keeptothewhiteline · 19/06/2015 12:53

As far as I was concerned, it was his room, and if it was a mess, it was no-one else's problem.

Completely- if you could see my DDs room atm- you could "stir it with a stick". But it's her problem, not mine.
To be fair she has a massive workload atm , she has dance costumes everywhere for an upcoming show and stuff out from doing her recent Duke of Edinburgh hike.
If I don't like the look of it I simply close the door.
Easy.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/06/2015 13:21

I don't do much in the way of getting DS1 to keep his room clear/tidy - except that he must have clear passage from the bed to the door every night, in case we have to leave the house in an emergency (we live in bushfire territory so not that unlikely). Other than that, every now and then I'll go in and we'll sort out the shelves and stuff together, but it's up to him how tidy he keeps it in general.

nodramamama · 20/06/2015 07:18

Agreed Lilacmamacat, but also agree with Damia in that everyone parents differently and if the kids reach adulthood (relatively) sane then that's all that matters.
I grew up abroad, so in my tweens ( when on school break) was out all day enjoying myself, did have basic chores but also had from 14 onwards a 12 hour shift 6 days a week, so I definitely caught up on my responsibilities then

Mehitabel6 · 20/06/2015 07:23

Just smile, nod and ignore anyone who says otherwise. It is very good for children that age and hardly arduous.

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