to make a 6yr old do chores ?

[EvilTendency1]

Apparently asking a 6yr old to do the following is too much for them :
Straight in from school, change and hang up uniform / put in washing basket if dirty
Put Shoes away neatly / Hang coat up
Clear all toys away just before bed back into the toy box
Empty top shelf of dishwasher (all plastic cups and plates - so no sharp items)
Take empty bowl/plate into kitchen after meal and place in the sink with used cup (plastic - so no chance of broken glass)
Help with putting a load of washing in to the tumble dryer about once a week, (I wash three loads then when all done the tumble dryer goes on) dc just takes clothes out of washing machine and puts them into the dryer if they are downstairs and I hear the washing machine beep away that it's finished.

Am I being nasty by insisting these are done ?

Looking after oneself grows naturally if parents allow it. A toddler who can walk can walk to the toy box carrying toys, it is no more work to toss clothes in a laundry hamper than on the floor. Young children are desperate to do as mummy and daddy do, teenagers not so much, so by then it has to be an ingrained habit. Never walk empty started at 18 months means nobody ever has to do a big tidy.

Very similar to what I've asked my own dcs to do.
Tidying was still done with us in the background at that age.

But YES to 'I'm not your maid!' type of attitude and the fact they need to learn that
1- they are part of a 'team' and everyone needs to make an effort
2- how to do all these things AND that it's a lot of work.
3- to be as independent as possible incl looking afer themselves. If they never hang a coat or clothes at home, hoow are they ging to learn to be acreful with their stuff at school?

Yes, DS2 (2.8) is already expected to help clear the toys away - as I've said, they don't all have to be put away every night but when it gets too much, he is just as able to put them in the right boxes as DS1. He puts his own rubbish in the bin, and his own clothes in the laundry basket (althoguh he has no discrimination between clean and dirty so that's not always helpful). He's not allowed loose in the kitchen because of his button-pushing habits, so doesn't do anything in there - but he likes to help wipe his highchair tray down if I give him the cloth (yes he's still in one because quite often he falls asleep halfway through his lunch and it's much safer for him to do that in a highchair than on a normal one).

He'll take piles of clean washing to the right rooms as well, but that's not always helpful, depending on where he puts them - sometimes they just get lobbed through the door! Other times he puts them on the bed [fine].

When DS1 whines or sulks about helping out, I tend to tell him that it's ok if he doesn't want to lay the table, I don't want to cook his dinner either, so I just won't, how's that? Pretty much sorts him out every time but I can see it not working for much longer!

That doesn't seem like a lot at all! The only things that aren't directly related to self-care/basic tidiness are the dishwasher and once a week tumble drying. That's barely anything!

My 3yo knows to put her dirty clothes in the washing basket, and brings her plates in after dinner. She irregularly feeds the cat, runs the dishwasher (she's better than me at remembering to check that the setting knob hasn't gotten changed by opening and closing!), tidies her toys (I understand this will come in time...), helps with the laundry, and has recently been asking to help with cooking dinner for which I'm trying to find safe tasks.

A group of Facebook friends went ballistic over that chores list, saying it was cruel, and I couldn't see it all. I talk to my daughter about helping making the family work. She's part of it, and I expect all family members to contribute to things going on. You should start out as you mean to go on -- I imagine much bigger problems trying to get kids who haven't done stuff that's within their abilities to suddenly start doing things, as opposed to kids who slowly add small tasks as they and their abilities grow.

DD nearly 7 does simple chores for pocket money now, tidies her room, makes her bed, washing in wash basket, helps with the washing machine and helps with dishwasher each job has a different amount she can earn. So far she has bought her own monster high dvd she wanted and the new now album she wanted.

YANBU. My five year old does those things. She also folds and puts away clean washing. My seven year old hoovers and makes his own lunch in addition to those things. I think it's good for their self esteem to make a contribution as well as teaching them practical skills. They can both peel potatoes and chop veg (the five year old with a not too sharp knife) too.

Same in this house.
Shoes, coats and bags go on the correct pegs in the boot room. If shoes / wellies are muddy then use the scraper by the back door before bringing them into the house

Clothes to be put in the laundry basket on the landing before bed - if they're not in there then they don't get washed.

Toys etc to be put away after use. Toys are only allowed to be left out in the playroom - the rest of the house is to be kept tidy. If I find toys strewn about the place and have to pick them up myself then they are confiscated for a week.

Plates / cups etc to be put neatly next to the kitchen sink when finished with (don't trust them to wash up just yet - the resulting mess is more trouble than it's worth).

Not too onerous I don't think!

That sounds fine OP, but must add.
I found that I needed to tell them what to do with uniform as at 6 they can't always comprehend what dirty is.
I had clean in the basket and dirty hanging up, so a quick check first is advisable.
Apart from this, your suggestions sound fine.

As soon as summer hols at end of primary started I taught mine how to iron. Mostly they did their own on starting secondary, and learnt how to use the washing machine and cook.
I did this not because I wanted slaves but because they were ds and I wanted them to be some use to their future partners and not rely on them to do it.

the things I had to do as a routine from young are not so arduous now. the things mum did for me are much more irksome. best to get them trained early that they need to start looking after themselves.

mine make their own lunch at grannys. (kitchen there is more accesible)
help load the washing machine. sometimes dd and ds wash up the plastic stuff. (there is a lot) tidy up. (not that you would notice) and do odd jobs about the place.

ds has been loading the washing machine since he could walk and had to stand on tiptoe to look in the detergent drawer! dd has been helping to hang the washing since she could walk. both help to clean the windows. dd used to sit in the high chair at the kitchen sink to "wash up" Now that would have got them talking!

dd and ds help with cooking chopping up courgettes and peppers with a plastic knife and peeling mushrooms. they fetch the frozen veggies frm the freezer and return them.

Our 7 yo does about the same as yours, incl laying the table.

I don't want him to grow up thinking things get magically done, as I did. It doesn't do you any favours when RL comes along and clothes or dishes don't magically wash themselves.

As others have said, you're part of a team.

Did go out with someone from another culture once who did his own ironing at age 7, but won't be making ours do that.

My DS never does chores never has done. I do all the housework, well sometimes I employ a house help because it's a big house and I can't always cope.
DS goes to college and is now seeking a little part-time work he shouldn't have to be concerned with coming home after a busy day and working at home.

I'm obviously a soft touch. My almost 7yo tidies his room, put toys etc away from other parts of the house, puts his washing in the basket and sets the table at the weekends. That's it

heh. Wonder if his gf will hold the same view as you, Ramy. It'll be a shock to him if they don't.

All sounds sensible to me. I don't remember having to do anything when I was really little but then was expected to do things from the age of 8-10 on an as and when basis, which I found to be a great injustice (probably because my brother didn't do anything). I think that if I'd had a regular set of chores starting from a younger age then it wouldn't have been such an issue when I got to age 8-10.
My two year old loves putting things in the bin, and away. I'm keen to get him to have regular jobs as soon as possible.
My friend used to have to hoover her immaculate house every day when she was about 11, which I thought was unfair. She is very into her cleaning now though as an adult (I'm not) so maybe it's not such a bad thing.

I get them to do these things (9&6) but I also get fed up of asking when they don't. I got a bit tidier when I went away to uni. I guess eventually they will get it too. DH and I don't particularly set a good example though.

I don't make my kids do chores. THey keep their room tidy and cook sometimes, but childhood is such a nice carefree time for them. Plenty of time for chores when they are older.

I have 2 boys, 2 and 4. They have to clear their plates and cups from the table and bring them into the kitchen. Ds2 likes to help empty the dishwasher. They get their own cereal (I help with the milk) and ds1 loves to butter his own toast, ds2 loves to pour his juice or milk (with my help), also put any relevant rubbish in the bin - they both like asking which bin (recycling or not) to put things in. They also have to tidy toys away and put clothes in the basket (I'll check over if I think they are dirty as ds2 has a tendency to put everything in the basket and ds1 nothing!). Ds2 likes to help load the washing machine too. I hope that by getting them involved when they are young enough to think it?s fun they will just get used to it.

So no I don?'t think it?s too much at all.

I had to cook every Saturday night from age 14 and every Sunday as well from 15 (choosing what to cook as well, I would just give them a shopping list). I maintain it's the best gift my parents ever gave me.

I'm with you keeptothewhiteline. I was a lazy so and so (although I did have to dry the dishes - why I don't know, but my mum wouldn't, and still won't, let them drain). I used to complain about that and say if I was a boy I wouldn't have to help, and my mum said I should think myself lucky as my dad would have me up ladders, helping in the garden etc.

But guess what! I did learn to iron, I did learn to wash up, I did learn to cook (a bit, but if I were rich my luxury would be a personal chef as I like eating but not cooking, I don't see it as a creative art, just a chore) and I occasionally dust and hoover and sweep. My house is not massively tidy but neither is it a pigsty - I visit much less tidy homes than mine. Life is definitely too short to hoover every day (which one of my landladies did when I was a student). I do nothing in the garden. If I lived alone I would either not have a garden at all, or employ a gardener. Hubby does gardening and sorts out bins and irons own shirts.

But I was an only child and I have an only child and no messy pets. If I had four kids I might well feel somewhat differently and would expect more help.

Ultimately I suppose it also depends on how good you are at delegating. Pulling a duvet straight on my son's bed takes 5 seconds as I walk by. Telling him to do it several times will take a lot longer.

I want to parent two self sufficient confident DC's - not getting them to learn lessons of life is the worst choice IMO.

OP I think you are doing the right thing. They need to know about this sort of shit, looking after others and their - most importantly - own surroundings.

not getting them to learn lessons of life is the worst choice IMO

Housework is hardly "lessons of life" though.

Let's face it - chores are not rocket science.
Any idiot can learn how to keep a house clean and cook in a very short time.
I did no chores or cooking as a child- once I left home it didn't take much to work out how to hoover or do laundry.
My mother was a pitiful cook anyway- think Smash potatoes and a tin or corned beef.
Within a year of leaving home I was a proficient cook.

keep " but childhood is such a nice carefree time for them."

Oh yes, of course, I was forgetting all the other kids on this thread must have such awful and worry filled childhoods as a result of having to make the bed!

I hope none of you moan when your child is messy or refuses to lift a finger for housework etc etc

It's not so much the technicalities of cleaning though WhiteLine, it's more that it is very hard to change attitudes which have been ingrained all through your childhood. If you bring up children to expect all hires are done for them, what happens when this is no longer the case?
I met more than enough useless students at uni who literally didn't know how to boil an egg or even make a baked potato. Yes, they largely muddle through and learn eventually but I really don't know why that is a 'better' way than learning how to look after yourself at home from your parents. Why should parenting not include teaching how to cook and clean and look after yourself? I'd say that's one of the most basic things to teach!

I did nothing at all growing up. I was really untidy. Awful looking back, but my parents never asked me to do anything so I guess I didn't. I think I probably made my bed and washed up at the most.

But now I am the tidiest clean freak ever even without years of life lessons and chores as a child.

So it's not all bad.