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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make a 6yr old do chores ?

122 replies

EvilTendency1 · 16/06/2015 11:44

Apparently asking a 6yr old to do the following is too much for them :
Straight in from school, change and hang up uniform / put in washing basket if dirty
Put Shoes away neatly / Hang coat up
Clear all toys away just before bed back into the toy box
Empty top shelf of dishwasher (all plastic cups and plates - so no sharp items)
Take empty bowl/plate into kitchen after meal and place in the sink with used cup (plastic - so no chance of broken glass)
Help with putting a load of washing in to the tumble dryer about once a week, (I wash three loads then when all done the tumble dryer goes on) dc just takes clothes out of washing machine and puts them into the dryer if they are downstairs and I hear the washing machine beep away that it's finished.

Am I being nasty by insisting these are done ? Confused

OP posts:
keeptothewhiteline · 17/06/2015 15:19

As I mentioned before, cooking is one of the things my children are able to do. I agree that is a useful skill.
As for the rest? I don't think cleaning is so difficult it needs to be taught- a few basics can be learned in a day or two. I don't think it needs a childhood of chores- that simply sounds punitive and dogmatic.

morethanpotatoprints · 17/06/2015 15:22

I can see the difference in our dsx2 and dd.
The older ones had to muck in with all jobs as part of the family.
However, dd hasn't had to do this as much due to her free time being limited and her practice.
The lads are great and their gfs regularly comment on how good they are, one is practically married and living with partner now. She is so happy he can manage a home.
DD is a nightmare and I can't get her to help willingly and it's a battle to get her to do anything. Her room is a complete mess, I have her phone and she has no pocket money until it's done. This doesn't bother her and she will live in a pig sty, no problem.
I'm sure she is like this because we didn't make her do it from an early age and I wish I had, as it has done her no favours whatsoever.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 17/06/2015 15:23

So if you can't expect someone who has been at work during the day, or at school during the day, to come home and clean, who should do it then?

DS is 3.5. He already knows that since we all live in the house, and we all make mess, that we all have to chip in to keeping it clean and tidy. He can put his own dirty clothes in the wash basket, put his shoes away, help tidy up his toys and he's pretty proficient with the hoover. He does a good job helping unload the dishwasher. It's part of living in a family.

I'm not going to lie, a big part of me starting these routines early is the number of women I see posting on MN about how their husbands and partners treat them like maids and never lift a finger because it isn't 'their job' or because they think it's not men's work. I'll be damned if my son has that attitude or treats any future partner like that. Housework is a chore that we all need to help with (or outsource if you like).

Sparklingbrook · 17/06/2015 15:23

YY we don't have to hold a 3 day workshop to show children how a bathroom is cleaned. Grin Get cloth, and cleaner-then clean.
Also hoovering is a fairly simple skill to master.

HazleNutt · 17/06/2015 15:25

Future is one thing, but I really don't understand why all able family members should not pitch in. There are loads of things to do around the house, after all, and a lot of them can be done by children in the house, not to mention teenagers. So why shouldn't they do their share?
Don't want them to come home from school to do chores? Well I don't really want to come home from work to do them either, but they need to be done.

HazleNutt · 17/06/2015 15:26

xpost with hoppy

ChaiseLounger · 17/06/2015 15:27

Sounds good to me. Ds2 likes setting the table for dinner and wiping the kitchen floor, strangely enough!

keeptothewhiteline · 17/06/2015 15:28

I remain unconvinced.
My OH does half the housework in our house so is a good role model to our son and daughter.
My OH didn't do chores either as a child but is tidy and clean now. As am I.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 17/06/2015 15:29

Oh yeah, he helps wash the car too.

HazleNutt · 17/06/2015 15:30

I would also disagree that cleaning does not have to be taught. There was a thread not too long ago where people said that as they never did anything as kids, it took them quite a while to realize what actually needs to be done. The fact that fridge is not self-cleaning and gone-off food does not just disappear for example, simply was not on their radar, they had never noticed that someone was taking care of this and other household tasks.

keeptothewhiteline · 17/06/2015 15:33

My kids have no time for housework. My DD is doing 30 hours of extra curricular activities atm, DS studying for exams. THese things are far more important to their future than cleaning out a fridge.

BertieBotts · 17/06/2015 15:45

Well, I didn't clean up as a child and I still don't clean up as an adult. It's not that it's not easy to do, I know how to do it, I've just never got into the habit of regularly noticing that it needs doing, and I'm comfortable with a far higher level of mess than DH is.

ocelot41 · 17/06/2015 16:16

Mine is 5 and he has to hang up coat and put shoes by door and tidy his toys back onto the bed in the morning (there are many of them!) He gets some pocket money in return.

Sparklingbrook · 17/06/2015 16:34

Ds1 is 16 and regularly chucks out of date stuff out of the fridge. It really annoys me as some of it is probably ok but he takes all the dates literally. Angry

00100001 · 17/06/2015 16:37

so keep - do you literally do everything for them? pick up their dirty clothes? Put their clothes away? clear the table for them? hang up their coat after the 30hrs of activities? tidy their rooms?

nannyj · 17/06/2015 16:38

That's what my five year old minus the dishwasher as we don't have one.

nodramamama · 17/06/2015 16:40

I have one DS who is nearly 4, and we do expect mini chores from him, so for example for dinner he sets his placemat and has to bring in empty plate etc to the kitchen. After dinner and playing he knows that he needs to tidy up majority of toys if he'd like to switch TV on and watch cartoons. Then when undressing, if we're near washing machine he'll put his clothes in and if not he'll put them into wash basket. When coming in to the house he knows to hang his coat and put shoes away. I know these skills will be useful for him at school from September for example, and they're age appropriate. Plus as a working family it teaches him teamwork and how his part in this helps us run smoothly.

keeptothewhiteline · 17/06/2015 16:45

001000001- no, I have said they often cook, they put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket. I pile clothes outside their bedroom door which they put away. THey always hang up their coats and leave their shoes in the cloakroom. They clear their own plate and put it into the dishwasher. They keep their own rooms tidy.

00100001 · 17/06/2015 16:45

well, then to say they do no chores isn't true then is it... Confused

keeptothewhiteline · 17/06/2015 16:58

But the question was do you "make" your children do chores.

And I don't - I never have.
I have set no expectations of them. I have never "made" them tidy their rooms or put their plates in the dishwasher.
They wouldn't have done that at 6, but as they have grown they have adopted more responsible attitudes- they put their dishes in the dishwasher as they see that is what the adults do.
I haven't made them, forced or bribed with money.

Sianilaa · 17/06/2015 16:59

My almost-6 year old does all that and:

Weeds the garden with his brother once a week
Changes the food and water for his hamster every day
Tidies his room once a week
Other random chores as they appear and if they are appropriate!
He does get £2 a week pocket money and if he doesn't do these then I tend to withold half until they do get done, but this is a recent thing.

LashesandLipstick · 17/06/2015 17:03

Keep, my parents didn't either. I'm surprised at how young some kids are allowed to cook, I wasn't trusted with knives until I was much older!

ReginaBlitz · 17/06/2015 17:07

Slave labour

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 17/06/2015 17:14

Attitudes like Remy's produce the type of man that I am also desperate for my sons NOT to become: those who expect the womenfolk to do all the slog because they are somehow above it. Nah.

I haven't let DS1 near the sharp knives yet because I worry that he's too daydreamy and may well lose a fingertip - he's 7.6 now - but he's started to ask if he can have a go, so I'm going to have to brave it soon!

Getthewonderwebout · 17/06/2015 17:15

Seems a lot to me. At 6 I would expect no more than uniform hung up, shoes away and helping to set the table for dinner.

Plenty of time to get children to take a more active role around the home imo.