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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I say something to the gym staff?

98 replies

Snowballschanceinhell · 14/06/2015 18:40

I went to the gym earlier and noticed a girl there who I have seen a few times in the past two weeks. She's painfully thin, but I obviously cannot diagnose any kind of eating disorder because I don't know her.

The past few times I've seen her push herself quite hard (I admit I do watch her only because the first time I noticed her I was shocked by the size of her frame) running to the point of exhaustion on the treadmill.

The same happened today, and when I finished, I ended up walking behind her toward the changing rooms. She looked quite unsteady and almost 'collapsed' onto a bench in the changing rooms. I got unchanged (kept looking over at her as we were the only two in there) and the whole time she was leant forward with her head between her legs, like you'd do if you were feeling faint. As I left, I touched her shoulder and asked if she was ok, but she just waved me away. She looked dreadful, no colour in her face and obviously struggling to even speak.

I didn't want to meddle, but have been thinking about it all afternoon. Should I have said something to the gym staff? I assume they do some kind of induction/fitness assessment when new people join to ensure they're healthy enough to work out.

WIBU to not say anything?

OP posts:
Gabilan · 14/06/2015 20:44

Incandescentage , I know. That's why I started the sentence with "slightly different, but". HTH

chipshop · 14/06/2015 20:56

This is a horrible situation. I've been a member of a few gyms and yes there is always a least one person like this. At my current gym there's a woman who is clearly anorexic. She comes into my high-impact cardio class after it's started and leaves just before it's finished, as if she doesn't want to be seen. She is obviously very ill.

Sadly I have personal experience of this as my best friend died of anorexia. She had it for years and yes I remember she was once banned from a gym for overexercising. I've also heard the viewpoint that supervised exercise is better in case of medical problems.

I don't see any harm in mentioning it to the gym staff but not sure what would happen if anything.

fishfingersinmysandwiches · 14/06/2015 21:03

Illegal to serve alcohol to someone who's drunk?

Well there's a law that nobody in the history of the universe ever observed. You seen the city centre streets on a Friday and Saturday night?

Gabilan · 14/06/2015 21:10

Well there's a law that nobody in the history of the universe ever observed

Doesn't stop it from being true though
www.gov.uk/government/publications/2010-to-2015-government-policy-alcohol-sales/2010-to-2015-government-policy-alcohol-sales

The fact that the law is rarely respected is of concern to medical professionals jech.bmj.com/content/early/2014/01/03/jech-2013-203287.long

Springtimemama · 14/06/2015 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 14/06/2015 21:28

I would have told them someone in the changing room seemed unwell and let them take it from there.

carabos · 14/06/2015 21:29

I'm on the fence here, veering towards MYOB. I'm 5ft 4in, BMI 21, in the gym every day, run 10k once a week, ride my horse. I've lost count of the number of times I've been told I'm over-exercising, anorexic, too thin, look unwell by well-meaning individuals who have lost sight of what "in proportion" looks like.

Golfhotelromeofoxtrot · 14/06/2015 21:35

Actually gyms do have a duty of care.

I have an eating disorder and used to be deeply addicted to the gym. I would go to back to back classes morning and evening. After one spin class I stumbled as I suddenly became very dizzy, an older woman who had been in my class steadied me and told me (quite sternly) that I shouldn't feel like that after a class. At first I took it to mean that I was unhealthy/too fat/needed to be thinner- but in time I did realise that she was right, and it was one of many things that spurred me on to get help.

I think you should tell a staff member your concerns, if only so they can keep an extra eye on her in case she injures herself on the machines.

Gabilan · 14/06/2015 21:40

Carabos I get that too, for similar reasons. Lots of cycling and horse riding so people think I'm "too thin" and comment on it quite a bit. However, that doesn't stop the fact that there are people out with EDs and that keeping an eye out for them and speaking out are probably good things to do. I think sometimes just knowing that a random stranger cares about you can make a positive difference to your day.

ghjcf467 · 14/06/2015 21:41

Yanbu.

I saw two morbidly obese people in disabled scooters going into MacDonald's and ordering a mountain of food. I said nothing aloud

Mermaidhair · 15/06/2015 08:09

I joined a gym at the end of last year. I was incredibly thin. I had anorexia, not anorexia nervous. I was there to get fit, build muscle, get an appetite. If anyone had spoken to me I would have been terribly embarrassed. I was getting over loosing my dh and an illness. I don't think it is your place to say anything, you have no idea her circumstances. The gym staff will have a better understanding, they may know things you don't know. Alternatively if she does have an eating disorder she will have friends, family, teachers, colleagues, health professionals to help her. Not some stranger from the gym.

Klayden · 15/06/2015 09:25

YANBU, please say something. This brought back some difficult memories of being a young adult, severely anorexic and exercising for hours on end. Horrific time. :( The gym staff were wonderful and supportive. I'll never forget the kindness that they showed me. I didn't think anyone cared enough about me to genuinely be fearful for my welfare. It made me feel more human. I still think about 2 particular members of staff.

Like a PP said, those involved in my treatment felt that it was safer I was exercising at a gym where emergency help could be called. I now realise that it was probably upsetting for other gym members.

Klayden · 15/06/2015 09:26

Mermaid you are very naive! some people do not have much support from others and accessing support for an eating disorder is very difficult in the over stretched NHS.

MrsTedCrilly · 15/06/2015 09:32

I've seen someone like this at my gym, it's sad to see isn't it.. She gets on the treadmill and runs for an hour, probably not burning off any food, just her muscle. But she is a grown woman, she will just join another gym if this one makes her leave. I wonder if the gym would be liable if she collapsed and died while there?

ImSoCoolNow · 15/06/2015 09:37

Mermaid I'm sorry for your loss and I'm glad you had support through that difficult period in your life. However, not everyone has the same support and, while you were at the gym to 'build appetite and muscle' you had obviously accepted you had a problem and were there to overcome your illness. This girl was exercising to the point of almost collapse and her recovery time was far too long to be healthy. She was pushing herself too far, which means she was in complete denial of her situation.

Mermaidhair · 15/06/2015 09:51

I accept i am probably naive. I was thinking how embarrassed she would feel. If she is going to exercise, and doesnt feel she can go to the gym anymore, she will do it elsewhere. She could have been unwell that day. I am trying to give another perspective. The op checking she was ok, is fine. The gym would have a better idea of what is going on. I feel uncomfortable that it seems to be ok to make comments when someone is thin, but not when they are overweight.

Mermaidhair · 15/06/2015 09:54

Anorexia, and Anorexia Nervosa and differing.

CheekyNandos · 15/06/2015 09:55

I agree with you Mermaidhair, especially your last sentence

Mermaidhair · 15/06/2015 09:55

And Im not sure what the gym can do about the nhs being overstretched.

Chips1999 · 15/06/2015 10:04

If it was me, I would probably raise it with the gym, but I'm sure they are already aware. It probably is better if she is over exercising that it's in a gym rather than outdoors by herself.

My best friend had anorexia and was also diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder for over exercising. She had a horrible accident out walking alone very early one morning and was thankfully found by a dog walker and airlifted to hospital. Even after this she couldn't stop and passed away about 6 months later. Awful illness.

Mermaidhair · 15/06/2015 10:06

Also what support will the gym give? They may tell her she can't come for a while. They may say they are concerned. But what "support"?

ImSoCoolNow · 15/06/2015 10:18

Like suggested before Mermaid perhaps contact her GP

Mermaidhair · 15/06/2015 10:28

Oh ok, the gym will contact her gp. Would the gp even accept a call from a non health professional? I would like to think mine wouldn't. Privacy and all. Laws may be different in different countries. I asked a trainer at my gym about this a while ago. He said it isn't our place or job.

TravellingHopefully12 · 15/06/2015 10:30

Poor girl. I would say, try speaking to her again. It's a horrible situation though. x

Raveismyera · 15/06/2015 10:33

Contact her GP? Sometimes I think I MN is a made up world. One where;

  • Gyms take GP details and everyone keeps them updated when
They change (off the top of my head the last 3 gyms I've been a member of- fitness first, Virgin and a university gym- haven't
  • you can inform the gym of your concerns about a members health and they will access their record, telephone their GP ( multiple times, as I don't know about you but it can take me days to get through) somehow get passed the dragon receptionist to speak to the GP and pass on concerns (don't forget this is a person who works in a gym)
  • and then finally the GP will do something about this (maybe calling the person in for a chat? Actually making them an appointment and asking them in rather than vice versa)

Really?!