Or am I being over sensitive?

[Cosmomouse]

Yesterday was the first anniversary since my dad died of cancer.

DH has been away this weekend, and I've had no contact from him. He knew the significance of yesterday's date, and I'm really hurt that he didn't call, text or send any sort of message to acknowledge it.

He has just sent me a breezy, cheery text asking me to pick him up at 11am.

Wibu to tell him to fuck right off? Or am I being an overly emotional wreck?

Yanbu, but he may not have known what to do. I called mum on the anniversary of her mums passing to see how she was and she burst into tears. She was just trying to get through it. I never know whether to check on her or not.

Maybe he really just doesn't know what's best? I am trying to be generous. Don't tell him to fuck off, tell him how you actually feel.

I am sorry for your loss

Sorry about your dad.
Assuming he knows how you would have been feeling, no YANBU.

A text acknowledging the day wouldn't have killed him.

But being your husband I would have expected he'd stay at home this particular weekend..

Not even a call on such a significant day, is he always so uncaring?

I've just sent him a shitty text...

And he's replied with

'Im sorry I'm such an idiot. I love you so much'

It doesn't stop me feeling hurt though.

Bit mean to send a shitty text.

He's sent you a nice text back ...so there was no maliciousness on his part.

I guess I'm hurting and taking it out on him.

Shit now I feel worse

I think you're being over sensitive - people don't know what to say. My mother died a long time ago but I wouldn't expect anything from anyone on that date - maybe some kind words from dh if we are talking about her.

Sorry for your loss OP dreading the 1 year anniversary myself. If he knew about it then it is a little shitty not to say anything, but probably just thoughtless. My DP wouldn't remember this in a million years either but I know he cares.

I know some people place great significance on the date a loved one died (they call it a memory up here like 'I can't come out tonight it's my Grandads memory) however my family have never done this I couldn't tell you the date my grandparents died and they only died last year. Maybe it just didn't click with DH that today was the anniversary as he doesn't place as much importance on a date. It doesn't mean he cares any less. If it is important to you maybe remind him a few days before next year so he can support you in the way you would like.

I think I'm feeling worse because he's been banging on recently about how hard a time his friend has been having as it's 5 years since his dad died, and he sent him a text to see how he was doing.

I did expect the same courtesy/thoughtfulness, but will take your comments on board.

Maybe I'm taking my hurt out on him which isn't fair. I've just apologised to him.

It will be 2 years next month since my dad died.
My Dh helped me do CPR, went with him in the ambulance, was wonderful.
He won't remember the anniversary.
Please be kind to yourself and your Dh.
It's a tough time and your emotions are running high.
I am sorry for your loss x

I'm kind of with youbet. My family don't attach great significance to death anniversaries, but OH's family do for his sister. OH is so absent minded that he just forgets (after all, it is over 40 years since she died). If it had been a year since any of my family had died OH wouldn't have remembered either. Also, if your OH wasn't as close to your dad as you were it wouldn't have been as important to him.

YANBU to feel upset, but YABU to expect him to remember and feel the same as you do.

Before he left I had bought a wreath to take to his grave so it's not a case of him not remembering, more that he didn't think.

We had contact from other family members and even his parents took flowers as they were friendly.

He was only 47 when he died.

I think I'm being a bit dramatic though, just feeling very alone and hormonal!

I think it was that my ils acknowledged it and he didn't is what's making me feel hurt, actually.

Bloody emotions

I don't think you're being dramatic, a simple acknowledgement of the day was all you needed. He only needed to text you asking if you were alright, (sorry I don't buy into this 'some people don't know what to say).

Sorry for your loss.

Yanbu

He could be a little more sensitive

I am so sorry
Anniversaries can really sweep you sideways

YANBU. There should have been flowers, phone call, the whole shebang. Very poor form on his part, especially for a first anniversary that he couldn't be with you for. I wouldn't care about other family not saying anything, but he is your husband!! This was a huge deal and he has totally messed up. Selfish and unthinking.

I'm with you Op, he should have done something, the very least he could have done was to send you a text acknowledging the significance of the day.
I'm so sorry for your loss, anniversaries are very hard for some of us especially the first one.
You shouldn't feel crap about the situation, your DH should.

YANBU. I'm really sorry for your loss

I went to a synagogue a little while ago and people provided food after the service to mark the Jahrzeit (anniversary) of the death of a loved one. I remember thinking it would be the sort of thing that would help my mother in her grief, except she's Christian and it doesn't seem to happen in churches.

I suppose not everyone feels the need to mark the anniversary, but many do, and I think it's important for those close to a bereaved person to remember.

YANBU, and I hope your husband will spend some time with you today remembering your dad. Sorry for your loss .

I understand why you're upset, but anniversaries aren't significant to everyone and I think he's been stupid but without meaning to cause hurt.