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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hurt by DH's comment

74 replies

Wearit · 13/06/2015 14:00

Hi all, things have been a little rocky lately and we both want different things out of life. When we were having a discussion, I said to DH I didn't feel he respected me. He response was, 'well do something to bring in more money - DO SOMETHING!' I was hurt as he did not try to reassure me otherwise, and also I work part time and take care of DD on my days off. I make DH breakfast in bed every day, do most of the cooking and cleaning, and do the lion's share of caring for DS, even when DH is around. For record, we do not have financial pressure.

I feel Dh does not value any contribution or my companionship, I feel I am not enough for him. AIBU to leave him for this comment? Thanks

OP posts:
Merguez · 13/06/2015 14:01

Why do you make him breakfast in bed every day?

Original poster
Wearit · 13/06/2015 14:02

Because I am up first and thought it was a nice thing to do

OP posts:
NowSissyThatWalk · 13/06/2015 14:04

What the hell?? No of course YANBU.
Like looking after a kid and working PT is sponging.
That's a dickhead thing to say.

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 13/06/2015 14:05

I've been sahm, pt & ft. DH is currently pt to enable him to do something he's always wanted to. The balance of who earns what and who does what around the home has shifted through our relationship. We've always been a team though and valued the other's contribution. How can a relationship work otherwise?

Spog · 13/06/2015 14:06

he can get his own cunting breakfast for starters.
yes, it sounds like he doesn't value you.
that's his fault, not yours.
i think you both need to do some more talking and figure out where you're marriage is headed.

googoodolly · 13/06/2015 14:07

YANBU at all to be upset - it sounds like he takes you for granted.

When you say you want different things from life, what do you mean? What do you both want and is there no room for compromise?

Original poster
Wearit · 13/06/2015 14:08

He wants to move abroad

OP posts:
gamerchick · 13/06/2015 14:09

Then it's time to stop doing stuff for him if he has contempt for you.

Time for a come to Jesus meeting and get to the bottom of why he thinks more money needs to come into the house and if you do take on more paid work what is going to be handed over to him in the house.

BertPuttocks · 13/06/2015 14:10

I think he's set himself up in a lord-and-master role, with his breakfast in bed every morning and the wife doing the housework and childcare. He sees you as little more than the hired help.

YANBU

Spog · 13/06/2015 14:11

where to, OP?

TheOriginalWinkly · 13/06/2015 14:12

Do NOT move abroad with him, if he continues treating you like crap there he will have you trapped because you won't be allowed to take your daughter home without his consent from most countries.

Nothing stopping him going alone, except of course he'd have to cook his own breakfast...

Original poster
Wearit · 13/06/2015 14:13

Don't want to say, will out myself

OP posts:
googoodolly · 13/06/2015 14:14

Did you discuss this before you had children? I know it's easy to say from the outside, but surely he realises he can't just uproot his kids and bugger off abroad?

If he moves abroad, presumably you'd stay here and he'll rarely see his kids. That's his choice, though - if he wants to leave and go abroad, tell him he can, but his family won't be coming with him.

gamerchick · 13/06/2015 14:14

have you posted about him before?

Original poster
Wearit · 13/06/2015 14:17

He went on a campaign to move abroad when DS was born. After we married. However, he says he was always clear about wanting to go abroad before we married.

OP posts:
pilates · 13/06/2015 14:17

YANBU and your husband is an unappreciative wanker.

Stop making him breakfast in bed.

googoodolly · 13/06/2015 14:29

He doesn't sound like he's thought this through, tbh, and he sounds incredibly selfish.

He has children and a wife here, yet he wants to uproot everything regardless and bugger off abroad on his own whims? Maybe he shouldn't have gotten married and had a family here if he didn't want to stay here?

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 13/06/2015 14:40

YWBU to leave him over a comment - however "things have been a little rocky lately and we both want different things out of life. " this is more relevant

maybe it is time to go your own ways, he could go abroad, would he go without the kids/you?

lagirafe · 13/06/2015 14:44

Whatever you do, do not move abroad with him.
I speak from experience.
Do not do it.

SanityClause · 13/06/2015 14:47

Okay, I think you may have posted at length about him before, and you had arranged a visit to the place he wants to move to.

If you are that poster, there's not much more to be said than has already been said on your previous threads. Please re-read them, and start believing some of the posts. Is this really what you want for your son?

AlpacaMyBags · 13/06/2015 14:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PattiODoors · 13/06/2015 15:54

Agree with Sanity.

Original poster
Wearit · 13/06/2015 16:12

I am not going anywhere abroad. DH says he does not want to separate but then he makes hurtful comments like this and I don't think we can move forward together.

OP posts:
KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable · 13/06/2015 16:20

I feel Dh does not value any contribution or my companionship, I feel I am not enough for him. AIBU to leave him for this comment?

In answer to your question:

  1. YWBU to leave him for this comment.

  2. YWNBU to leave him for failing to value your contribution and companionship.

Fugghetaboutit · 13/06/2015 16:29

take care of DD on my days off. I make DH breakfast in bed every day, do most of the cooking and cleaning, and do the lion's share of caring for DS, even when DH is around.

This is why he doesn't respect you. You're a doormat, love.