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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hurt by DH's comment

74 replies

Wearit · 13/06/2015 14:00

Hi all, things have been a little rocky lately and we both want different things out of life. When we were having a discussion, I said to DH I didn't feel he respected me. He response was, 'well do something to bring in more money - DO SOMETHING!' I was hurt as he did not try to reassure me otherwise, and also I work part time and take care of DD on my days off. I make DH breakfast in bed every day, do most of the cooking and cleaning, and do the lion's share of caring for DS, even when DH is around. For record, we do not have financial pressure.

I feel Dh does not value any contribution or my companionship, I feel I am not enough for him. AIBU to leave him for this comment? Thanks

OP posts:
TheBeagleHasLanded · 13/06/2015 16:32

Perhaps he would like to pay for someone else to come in and do all the tasks for which you receive no pay (and from the sounds of it zero recognition) so that you can increase your hours? Or maybe, when he finds out exactly how much that would all cost he would pipe down.

GatoradeMeBitch · 13/06/2015 17:08

You can make him respect you more by things not serving his breakfast in bed. You're not his servant. Just make yours. He can DO SOMETHING and make his own.

BreadmakerFan · 13/06/2015 17:14

What nice thing does he do for you?

It is very icky to be making breakfast in bed for this pollock. Please don't demean yourself anymore. He hasn't earned your niceness.

PurpleSwift · 13/06/2015 17:16

YANBU to be upset, his response confirms how you feel. Disrespected. He didn't reassure you because you're right, he doesn't respect you.

500Decibels · 13/06/2015 17:16

A previous poster was right - he has nothing but contempt for you and I think it's unlikely you'll ever earn his respect.
You need to stop being a doormat.

BreadmakerFan · 13/06/2015 17:21

Pollock, obviously!

popalot · 13/06/2015 17:27

Making him breakfast in bed is a lovely thing to do, but if he doesn't thank you for it and do something in return in his own way then I'd stop doing it. Kindness needs to go both ways. Glad you're not moving abroad with him, that will only add to the pressure in your relationship.

BreadmakerFan · 13/06/2015 17:43

Ffs pillock

Metalguru · 13/06/2015 17:56

Grin breadmaker, unfair to pollocks

Metalguru · 13/06/2015 17:58

Op yanbu but you know that, glad you are not considering moving abroad

Topseyt · 13/06/2015 18:37

You make him breakfast in bed EVERY DAY!!!!! Why? Breakfast in bed don't even like it myself, would rather get up should surely be a very occasional special treat, like birthdays, Mothers' Day, Fathers' Day or if a person is ill. Stop that one for a start. Surely he is capable of getting his arse out of bed and making his own sodding breakfast.

I am sure you have posted before about this, though sorry if I am wrong.. It was a long thread and you were going to visit the place he wants to move to for a holiday. Many of us then urged you not to go for many reasons.

Stand firm now, especially if you are that poster. If he wants to move abroad then he can move abroad. On his own.

Do not give in, and stop being his servant. He will never respect you for that.

Original poster
Wearit · 13/06/2015 18:45

Something minor just happened, which has upset me. Can anyone shed light on it ie-is this unreasonable or am I sensitive?

I was awake from 4.45am today as had work. Got DD up and breakfast etc and woke DH up before I left the house for work at 8.30pm. Was tired when I came in.

DH had suggested going to the cinema earlier in the day, as his DS offered to babysit. I said i would like to. I wanted to have a quick 20 min power nap before we went out as was shattered and needed a quick re-charge. However he came in and woke me up by announcing HE was off to the cinema as I clearly didn't want to go as was sleeping. I got up and said I would like to go. Then DD started becoming a bit whiny while I was trying to hang up the washing and it was all a bit haywire. I shouted down from upstairs that perhaps he should go to the first film himself and i meet him for the second. The next thing I could hear was the door slamming and he was gone.

I really don't know if I am being sensitive, but it didn't feel good.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 13/06/2015 18:51

What do you want people to say flower? To sum up, your bloke is a knob who has zero respect for you and no treating him like a king or letting him walk all over you is going to change that
Start kicking back or you'll live this for years.

sonjadog · 13/06/2015 18:54

Have you posted about him before? This sounds familiar. If you are the dame poster, then you know from previous threads that he is not a good guy. It is time to move on with your life without him.

Topseyt · 13/06/2015 18:55

He is a twat, and he doesn't care much about you.

If you have been out working then why could he not have done and hung out the washing?

He is an arse with an over-inflated sense of his own importance.

Rebecca2014 · 13/06/2015 19:17

I have read your thread before. You would be very stupid to move abroad with this man, it sounds like this relationship will not last for much longer and your be stuck in a foreign country. Do you want that?

I used to be like you, posting threads online about things my oh had done. Always getting the same replies but ignoring them.

He has no respect for you, he does not like you or even love you. It will be hard, it will hurt like hell but your marriage is not going to last, either end it now or waste more years of your life with him. That is your choice.

AnyoneForTennis · 13/06/2015 20:01

Abroad for work? Or is family there?

Original poster
Wearit · 13/06/2015 20:10

No family there, just wants a better life.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 13/06/2015 20:16

OP you're back to your short sentences which says its just a matter of time before you post another thread after abandoning the current one.

It's ok to vent, we all need to vent occasionally. Sometimes it takes years before we face a relationship issue head on and act to change things. Whether it's to change the dynamics of the relationship without splitting up or not.

You do see if you do as you've always done you'll get what you've always got don't you? Nothing is going to change on its own.

Original poster
Wearit · 14/06/2015 10:47

I think I am going to have to call an end to things tonight. This morning I am feeling a bit sick as DH said he was going to the gym and asked what I was going to do. I said I might take DS swimming (obviously meaning while he was at the gym). He immediately started to make sarcy comments such as 'have a nice weekend then', and I explained that I meant i would be going while he was at the gym. He didn't listen though and got his stuff together and huffed 'have a fantastic day' in an off tone before slamming the door.

Am amazed he has managed to make me feel bad about him going to the gym. I am fed up of feeling hated and will have a chat with him tonight.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 14/06/2015 10:56

Have you no one you could take yourself and DS to stay with while you plot your exit strategy?

If you did that today then your "chat" this evening could be to tell him that he is dumped.

I hope you didn't make him breakfast in bed again this morning.

ImperialBlether · 14/06/2015 11:03

He's horrible.

If you go abroad (and I think it was to A, wasn't it?) then you wouldn't be able to leave with any children. Do you understand that?

Also, is he planning to leave his son if he goes abroad? Nice for the child.

I would let him go abroad on his own - let some other country put up with this miserable twat.

And stop giving him breakfast in bed and then wondering why he has a Prince complex.

Original poster
Wearit · 14/06/2015 11:39

Yes imperial, you are right. I am not going anywhere, I have made that decision now at least. DH wanted to draw up an agreement which would give me rights to bring home DC but on speaking to solicitors, it would stand for nothing. Too big a risk considering the circumstances.

There is always so much tension at home, particularly at the weekend when DH is clearly exasperatedly bored with the 'limited' things there are to do. I have had enough of it.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 14/06/2015 11:42

Blimey just realise which poster you are. Do not entertain moving abroad with him.

TheWrathofNaan · 14/06/2015 11:49

Why did you get up at 4.45 when work wasn't until 8.30?

Was it because he does nothing and you have to do everything before you can leave the house?

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