To be hurt by DH's comment

[Wearit]

Hi all, things have been a little rocky lately and we both want different things out of life. When we were having a discussion, I said to DH I didn't feel he respected me. He response was, 'well do something to bring in more money - DO SOMETHING!' I was hurt as he did not try to reassure me otherwise, and also I work part time and take care of DD on my days off. I make DH breakfast in bed every day, do most of the cooking and cleaning, and do the lion's share of caring for DS, even when DH is around. For record, we do not have financial pressure.

I feel Dh does not value any contribution or my companionship, I feel I am not enough for him. AIBU to leave him for this comment? Thanks

I haven't read your other threads but judging from this one it sounds like he doesn't like you very much, and when you asked him if he respected you (which I would read as 'do you like/love me' from an intimate partner) he basically said 'no'. It's tense when he's in the house and he 'misunderstands' you then makes it your fault. It also sounds like you don't like him much either.

Also getting up at 4.45 in order to leave the house at 8.30 is not 'normal'. If you are an early riser then fair enough but is it so you can make sure everything is done before you leave so you aren't on the receiving end of a sarky blocking when he gets home?

If I have to leave for work at 8:30, I get up at 7.30 might hit the alarm a few times to finally get up at 8

Getting up at 4:45 though Why so early ?

You sound like you know your mind regarding moving abroad so that is a start, Going from the other posts in this thread, I wouldn't like to be treated like that either and I'd be having a serious 'WTF is your problem.' type chat. Good luck with it.

He is deliberately trying to engineer an end to this relationship so that you agree to split up and he can go off and live his life and tell everyone it was your fault/by mutual agreement.
IMO.

I would separate and ensure your DS lives with you. More easily said than done, but if your H wants to go abroad tell him to go and that you wish to end the marriage.
You are the primary carer and your H doesn't sound that interested in being a family.

I would not be having a "chat" with him tonight, but a full on discussion about ending the marriage. Let him bugger off to his dream life & you get on with yours. He clearly has no respect for you let alone love.

Please go and speak to a solicitor, get copies of financials etc and then tell him to leave.

You seriously are not being loved or part of a relationship. You and you DC deserve so much more than this sulky manchild can give. Just think your DS may grow up to emulate his dad - is this what you would wish on another girl?

3littlefrogs is right. He wants to be in the right so is going to be a complete dick till you can't take any more and will then say 'you told me it was over'. Accept that and cut your own suffering short. Tell him you have very different and incompatible approaches to family life and it's clear you should separate. He can do what he wants, but he'll be making his own breakfast. You'll find life much easier without him - I remember your other threads too.

Don't dump him tonight. See a solicitor ASAP, get yourself fully informed, paperwork in place and then dump him.

Do not dump him without making sure you have access to cash and evidence of his income. And have taken legal advice about how best to protect yourself.

If you are the poster I think you are then it is about to get very nasty indeed and will do the second he believes you won't pander to him anymore

I am just glad you did, in fact, get back from "A". There was a frighteningly real possibility at the time that you would not.

It sounds as though you have accepted now that you must not move abroad with this arsehole. An arsehole abroad is exactly the same as an arsehole in the UK, but you would be even more trapped, with no access to family and friends, and no way back with your child in tow.

Do not back down on that.

Consult a solicitor. Ensure your finances are separate. Get it all in place. Keep passports (yours and your son's) in a safe place (with family & friends?). Same with as many other documents (birth certificates etc.) as you can squirrel away.

I am no legal expert, but plan your strategy properly.

I think that until you are out then he will continue to think that he can grind you down and eventually get what he wants. So the atmosphere and snarky remarks will continue.

The thing is he will never be happy living here. He thinks there's some great life out there, just waiting for him. I'd tell him to get on with living it.

I haven't read all the posts so might be reiterating what everyone else is saying but it looks like he is deliberately sabotaging the marriage so he can justify his new life abroad. If it was me I would go out for the evening just the two of you tell him your situation that you won't entertain going abroad especially with the marriage as it is . Then give him the choice of working on the marriage or not and if he chooses you then he has to work on the assumption you are staying here . Also tell him that if going abroad is so important he can go but if he chooses to stay you want no recriminations of you holding him back in years to come . This is his choice now

Oh yes, I remember you. You were going over on a sort of test holiday, weren't you? Did that happen?

Does he still think you'll end up going?

Difficult one. It sounds like he is upset about your decision not to move abroad. I was in a similar position with DH: I had a job offer overseas and he didn't want to go. I really resented him and let my feelings known. I felt he was denying us an adventure and a better life for the kids.

I wasn't up at 4.45 for any reason, only that I just woke up early. That is why I wanted a little power nap.

And as for breakfast in bed, it is only porridge and coffee.

I spoke to DH about his comment as per my post and he said he wasn't saying that in response to him not respecting me, but to me saying I felt financially unstable.

I have a friend who is married to a Prize Dick, who lost one job but got another which means he has to get up at 530am. She gets up with him (despite not finishing her own FT job til 1130 some nights) to get him a cup of tea and make sure he has breakfast.

I did ask her once if he would do the same for her if she got up at 530. Not frigging likely.

You are already minimising and excusing, OP.

I think I am going to have to call an end to things tonight.

Do you mean you will tell him you want a divorce?

He's desperate to move you abroad so you have no choice but to put up with him being nasty or leave him (and the kids, because he'll not let you take them back.) He's probably getting more shitty because he's hoping you'll back down if he does.

Is this how you want the rest of your life to be? Because it's all he has to offer.

I recall your previous thread. I think the time has come to set him free to emigrate alone. Giving him breakfast in bed hasn't distracted him from hankering after another life.