Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask for a chunk of inheritance now?

185 replies

Monkeywhisk · 13/06/2015 12:18

My husband and our nine month old baby are currently living with my parents. They own two homes in a very sought after area, and we live in a basement flat of one of the properties.

The flat has very little natural day light and is open plan so it's becoming very difficult in the evenings as baby goes to bed early and we try and have some time to ourselves without waking her.

We don't pay rent but we do pay for all our bills- I totally appreciate we're very lucky indeed to be in this situation.

After saving since I found I was expecting we are looking to buy our first home together. We're looking to move out of London as that's all we can afford.

We're coming up short (at least £20k) in terms of the deposit but we have been approved for a mortgage.

My parents have over £100k in premium bonds as well as a lucrative income from renting one of their properties. They have a good standard of living themselves but are of the generation that are careful with money (and as they're now in their 70's they rarely spend a lot of money on themselves on holidays or eating out etc which my siblings and I always encourage they do)

AIBU to ask my parents for a portion of my inheritance to help get on the property ladder? In this case money isn't really an issue but my mother doesn't want us to move out as she'll miss us. I have assured her that we'll visit lots and spend quality time together but she's used to getting her own way and isn't happy at all and sulks when I bring the subject up. She is very controlling.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 13/06/2015 12:22

I'm sorry but if your parents were keen to provide you with this money they'd already be talking about making the offer. You could of course ask but it doesn't sound as though they will say yes.
Have they definitely said they will be leaving their assets to you?

Becauseicannes · 13/06/2015 12:22

Yabu asking for inheritance before someone has passed away. Just ask for a loan.

pinkyredrose · 13/06/2015 12:23

But not so controlling that you can live with her rent free? Ask but be prepared for her to say no. If you're living rent free it won't be too long before you can save it up surely.

ilovesooty · 13/06/2015 12:24

A request for a loan would sound better, I agree.

MamaLazarou · 13/06/2015 12:24

YABU and shockingly entitled.

greenbottleglass · 13/06/2015 12:25

What makes you think they'll be money left to inherit? Maybe it'll all have gone on holidays and care home fees?

If they wanted to help theyd offer wouldn't they.

Pls don't call it 'inheritance'. Call it what it is - help, or a gift. I think it's white distasteful to talk of inheritance from the living

Have you considered using the help to buy scheme? If you have some money saved that sounds like it might help? Or shared ownership?

19lottie82 · 13/06/2015 12:26

I agree, if your parents wanted to help, they would have offered by now.

How much are you looking to spend if you want to buy outside London and you're still 20k short for a (10%?) deposit?

You're already in a lucky position of being able to save by not paying rent thanks to your parents.

Becauseicannes...... Lenders won't accept a loan (personal or otherwise) a Towards a deposit.

DawnOfTheDoggers · 13/06/2015 12:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Monkeywhisk · 13/06/2015 12:27

Thanks ilovesooty, yes both properties have already been signed over to myself and two elder siblings (for tax reasons) so one day it will be ours- I love my parents dearly so don't want to be callous or think about the 'one day' too much.

I think our options are to stay in the flat we're in until we've saved the extra £20k which will be 1-2 years or rent.

My mother won't really answer the question and is very evasive when I try and speak to her about it.

OP posts:
FlappertyFlippers · 13/06/2015 12:27

Oh gosh, absolutely don't do it! Take the money you would have to pay in rent and put it into a savings account, then after a year you'll be close to having your deposit. Your parents are already handing you money by letting you live rent free (they could otherwise get rental income from your flat) and you still expect MORE from them.

greenbottleglass · 13/06/2015 12:28

And yes I agree - you are so fortunate not to be paying rent. That'll be saving you about £16000 a year on a two bed flat in London at least

Getthewonderwebout · 13/06/2015 12:28

Not unreasonable to ask for a loan, with terms set out. Or possibly for a charge to be put on the property you buy, in their favour (although you would need consent of the first chargor (mortgage lender) in this case.)

whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 13/06/2015 12:28

YABU. Your parents know your position and are capable of offering help if they want to. Putting pressure on them is grabby and crass.

And from the sounds of things do you really want to be any more beholden to them?

PHANTOMnamechanger · 13/06/2015 12:28

by all means ask for a loan, though TBH If they are as well off as you say, then why have they not thought to offer this, maybe they see rent free as being enough of a gift (what rent would you be charged for similar flat in your area?) in my experience, people of that generation, quite rightly, worry about their futures - about the possibility of them having to pay for long term nursing care for one or both of them. How can they then gift you a large sum of money they might need?

greenbottleglass · 13/06/2015 12:29

So you already own a property? Sell it then!

DorothyL · 13/06/2015 12:30

Could your siblings buy you out to raise the money?

ImperialBlether · 13/06/2015 12:30

So it will only be 2 years until you can buy? You'd be mad to move out and mad to ruin your relationship with your mum by asking for such a lot of money.

greenbottleglass · 13/06/2015 12:30

You're living rent free in one property

Your parents have already GIVEN you one property

People like you blow my mind

ImperialBlether · 13/06/2015 12:31

Could you ask your mum whether, if someone moves out of one of the other flats, you could swap flats because of the problem in getting your child to sleep?

Whocansay · 13/06/2015 12:31

Why the hell aren't you saving to pay for it yourself?

Have you considered that 10 years from now your parents may need care assistance and may have to use 'your inheritance' to pay for that?

This is their money not yours. If they want to piss it up the wall, that's their choice. I think your suggestion is outrageously selfish and self centred. And you know way too much about their finances.

You can ask for a loan, on the assumption it's repaid. But don't ask for your 'inheritance', as it isn't actually yours. I hope you siblings don't think the same way.

DoItTooJulia · 13/06/2015 12:32

I can see where you're coming from. If I had plenty of money and struggling adult kids, I'd absolutely want to help them out. The issue is, that it doesn't sound like they want to help you out in that way. They are helping you already, and I wonder if they think that's enough.

Could you release some equity from the property that's been signed over to you?

ilovesooty · 13/06/2015 12:33

So you wouldn't pay rent if properties have already been signed over to you I imagine.
Your parents sound pretty clued up and if they give you money and need care in the next seven years that would be deemed deprivation of assets.

Original poster
Monkeywhisk · 13/06/2015 12:33

Thank you to everyone for your perspectives. I haven't looked into help to buy schemes as technically I already own property (legally) so I assumed I wouldn't be able to get help- but I will investigate.

I don't think I'd be able to pay it back tbh on top of a mortgage and I already am paying off a debt to my parents for our wedding a few years ago. My husband is going to be a SAHD so we'll only have my income to cover everything.

I do appreciate you all saying I'm sounding entitled- sounds like I am being unreasonable and I shouldn't ask them for help.

OP posts:
HelenF350 · 13/06/2015 12:34

YABU, you are provided with a rent free flat. Save your additional 20k from the money you are not paying in rent. Stay put for another year or so. Everyone has to make sacrifices to buy property, yours will be less than most.

SilverBirch2015 · 13/06/2015 12:35

I personally would ask whether they are in a position to loan the money to you.

Although they may seem to you to have plenty of money, they may depend on the income as their pension, so might not be in the position to give you the money, but offer to pay them the interest they would be getting may be a mutually suitable solution.

Do you have any siblings, as this may have some impact on how you and your parents think about their money? Btw, it is not actually your inheritance until they pass away, they may need the money to pay for their care when they can no longer look after themselves

As others have said if you are not paying any rent, you should be able to save up the deposit short fall pretty quickly.