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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask for a chunk of inheritance now?

185 replies

Monkeywhisk · 13/06/2015 12:18

My husband and our nine month old baby are currently living with my parents. They own two homes in a very sought after area, and we live in a basement flat of one of the properties.

The flat has very little natural day light and is open plan so it's becoming very difficult in the evenings as baby goes to bed early and we try and have some time to ourselves without waking her.

We don't pay rent but we do pay for all our bills- I totally appreciate we're very lucky indeed to be in this situation.

After saving since I found I was expecting we are looking to buy our first home together. We're looking to move out of London as that's all we can afford.

We're coming up short (at least £20k) in terms of the deposit but we have been approved for a mortgage.

My parents have over £100k in premium bonds as well as a lucrative income from renting one of their properties. They have a good standard of living themselves but are of the generation that are careful with money (and as they're now in their 70's they rarely spend a lot of money on themselves on holidays or eating out etc which my siblings and I always encourage they do)

AIBU to ask my parents for a portion of my inheritance to help get on the property ladder? In this case money isn't really an issue but my mother doesn't want us to move out as she'll miss us. I have assured her that we'll visit lots and spend quality time together but she's used to getting her own way and isn't happy at all and sulks when I bring the subject up. She is very controlling.

OP posts:
Original poster
Monkeywhisk · 13/06/2015 13:24

Santaslittlemonkey yes perhaps they are concerned that we're unable to control our finances? In anycase I'm more concerned about the IHT issue now than the deposit. I'll have to speak to them to get clarity on it...

OP posts:
KingTut · 13/06/2015 13:24

I think you should look into minor home improvements to help with sleeping issues. It will help when renting to the next family. Stay put until your dc can go to nursery and your DH is working again.

Cheeseandwinegirl · 13/06/2015 13:28

Bloody hell op I don't know if you realise how entitled you're being...

No it's not reasonable to ask for a chunk of money when you can happily save for the next couple of years. Your mum isn't being unreasonable by not giving you a few extra thousand. If she's too controlling then you need to address that with her, not use her money to get your own place. You've got the money to rent, if it's that bad you would leave.

I'm extremely lucky to have parents with financial assets and investments, they certainly haven't passed anything onto me for 'tax' purposes. I work bloody hard, pay my own bills and rent and don't ask for a thing from them. I couldn't care less if they used all their money on whatever they like and I didn't have a penny of inheritance, it's not my money!

If I were you I'd stick out of their financial affairs and get on with your own life. It's no matter of yours how much money they've got in the bank. You sound like you treat them as cash cows.

Original poster
Monkeywhisk · 13/06/2015 13:28

Kingtut good advice, maybe a stud wall to separate th bedroom and living area. We discovered a big patch of mould earlier too very near LO's cot Sad

OP posts:
Thisishowyoudisappear · 13/06/2015 13:28

Get some legal advice. You seriously don't want to end up in trouble with HMRC.

Given what you've said about your parents' attitude to money/tax I would not try to borrow money from them (as pp said, you cannot use a loan as a deposit anyway). Do not become more beholden to them financially. You need to know your rights and obligations regarding the houses. Don't add another financial tie into the mix.

butterfly133 · 13/06/2015 13:30

Monkeywhisk - you must get this sorted. You are the owner of a property and you don't appear to know what tax issues and legalities relate to it. Some of your other comments make me concerned that your parents haven't understood taxes properly either.

Have a good sit down at look at it. Ironically it may be the case that it's best all round for you to sell what is in your name and get some value from it now rather than predicting a future which may change, all to avoid tax.

I do think your parents have tried to do a lot for you but from the information you give, I think they might have done it wrong by mistake...eek! Do keep us posted won't you, I'm also interested to know how HMRC classify things.

hmc · 13/06/2015 13:35

I'm not saying you are like this op but we have a friend who is gleefully waiting for his wealthy MIL to die - ughhh. My niece also recently asked my parents what she would inherit when they die; they were offended.

Dh and I will (if things carry on as they are) be leaving a substantial sum to our school when we die - but I would hate to think that they gave even a fleeting thought to that.

I agree that you should ask for a loan

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 13/06/2015 13:35

I'm flabbergasted. Your parents have been hit by inheritance tax when your grandfather died so they must have inherited a nice chunk of £ which they didn't earn.

Now they are doing as much as they can (although seemingly ineffectually) to ensure you also get a fat wedge of cash you haven't worked for. Fine if that's what you're on with but I find it morally dubious.

That aside, you're assuming that as well as the house signed over to you, you'll be getting a cut of what's in the bank? And you want it now so your husband can be a sahd?

Have I got all that right?

Anyway, aside from the sheer hard facedness of all this, you would be mad to be financially dependent in your mother if She is very controlling - you don't give controlling people another way to control you! You minimise the control they have over you and if that means bring financially independent then so be it. But I don't think that will be quite as attractive to you. Or your husband.

DinosaursRoar · 13/06/2015 13:35

I don't think you should be talking to them first, I think you should be getting legal advice first. When you do talk to them, you also need to be getting clarity on what is in your name and belongs to you and what is in theirs. They need to stop putting things in your name unless they are giving them to you now.

hmc · 13/06/2015 13:36

To our school ??? (Damn predictive text) - to our dc

Original poster
Monkeywhisk · 13/06/2015 13:36

Butterfly I'm really worried now about it all...will have to have a proper chat and read the links other mnettters have suggested

OP posts:
hmc · 13/06/2015 13:40

That's interesting AMothersPost - will wait for OPs response to your question before bothering with thread again!

hmc · 13/06/2015 13:41

AMothersPlace ... I mean (doh!)

DinosaursRoar · 13/06/2015 13:43

hmc - I thought "oh how lovely, giving a chunk to your local school!" Wink

Downwith - it doesn't sound like the OP gets the benefit from the house that has been signed over to her, but would be the one who is responsible if something goes wrong... (I would be very wary of being the owner of a property rented out, so the one liable for any costs associated with making sure it was fit to be rented out, while at the same time not being the one who recieves the rental income to pay for it. It's unlikely the OP's parents would screw her over and allow any bills to be sent to her while keeping the rent, but it's possible!).

OP - if you wnt to talk it though with your parents first, then fine - but please don't just take their (or your siblings) word for it that it'll be OK, if they try to dismiss any worries around this, get separate legal advice. (It'll cost you less than a month's mortgage payment!)

Fluffycloudland77 · 13/06/2015 13:45

Op, this sounds really dodgy. I think you need to disentangle yourself from them financially.

They could have really dropped you in it.

KingTut · 13/06/2015 13:47

Oh well then the mould is a good excuse to get the walls remodelled and make life easier when you save.

ImperialBlether · 13/06/2015 13:48

I am very worried that your husband is being cushioned from everyday life because he is unskilled. He doesn't pay rent and then when you go back to work he will stay at home with the child. Is he planning on remaining unskilled for long? Wouldn't you prefer someone who was a bit more equal in terms of finances and earnings? What will happen when the children are in school?

KingTut · 13/06/2015 13:48

Yes. I am sorry I got it wrong.

KingTut · 13/06/2015 13:49

Oh wrong thread.

twittertwit · 13/06/2015 13:52

My parents own a number of rental properties and various other assets, stocks etc which have been put into a family trust for my siblings & I. The income from these properties and assets is also fed back into the trust. My df is extremely astute and has a very efficient accountant, so all above board. Perhaps op's parents have set up something similar?

Incidentally, when we married, my parents also gave us a large amount of money, which enabled us to buy a beautiful big house outright - but this was given from their own savings, not from the trust.

I have never told anyone (even friends) about how our house purchase was funded. Reading some of these responses, I can see just how sensible I was to keep this to myself!

SilverBirch2015 · 13/06/2015 13:58

It gets worse the more information we are given here:

They are holding over the maximum allowed in premium bonds by having some of the holdings in other family members name = fraud and tax evasion.

They have transferred a house they don't live in as a "gift" possibly without paying Capital Gains Tax.

They are letting you live in part of their own house rent free and contribute to bills, as they have transferred ownership to siblings/OP this helps avoid part of IHT - I suspect this is main reason why mother doesn't want OP to move out as this will void this legal loophole/tax avoidance.

OP has used rental income from other house that she does not pay tax on to qualify for mortgage loan = fraud and tax evasion.

No wonder mother is "avoiding" discussion, she has form on avoidance Grin

I do think OP should ask for thread to be deleted as she has divulged too much incriminating information about her and her families tax scams

CMon · 13/06/2015 13:59

Your parents should also consider the possibility that they may need to pay care home fees - They should look at the rules for deprivation of assets in the local authority means test for care home provision. HERE is Age UKs guidance sheets which includes the latest changes.

butterfly133 · 13/06/2015 14:02

twittertwit - if the OP's parents had set up a trust, I expect she would know that and would have phrased it that way.

I don't have anything against families running their finances this way but it's essential to know what you're signed up for. If the OP is officially listed as the owner and landlord, then suppose there's a fire etc? I mean, dog forbid, but these are all things I'd consider.

ThreeQuartersEmpty · 13/06/2015 14:08

The premium bonds that are in other people's names need addressing too.
Your parents can't do anything with those bonds because they do not own them.
If they wanted to cash them in, they would have to be paid into the named persons account. How are they planning to do that? Forge a signature?

BathtimeFunkster · 13/06/2015 14:10

I think you have every right to ask your parents for money, given that they are using you to evade tax and commit fraud.

Your fake ownership of a house could disqualify you for certain benefits, and create tax liabilities, even though in reality you own fuck all.

Are you filling in a proper tax return every year? Do you have your own accountant?

Your parents are taking the fucking piss. I would not pay them another penny.