Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask for a chunk of inheritance now?

185 replies

Monkeywhisk · 13/06/2015 12:18

My husband and our nine month old baby are currently living with my parents. They own two homes in a very sought after area, and we live in a basement flat of one of the properties.

The flat has very little natural day light and is open plan so it's becoming very difficult in the evenings as baby goes to bed early and we try and have some time to ourselves without waking her.

We don't pay rent but we do pay for all our bills- I totally appreciate we're very lucky indeed to be in this situation.

After saving since I found I was expecting we are looking to buy our first home together. We're looking to move out of London as that's all we can afford.

We're coming up short (at least £20k) in terms of the deposit but we have been approved for a mortgage.

My parents have over £100k in premium bonds as well as a lucrative income from renting one of their properties. They have a good standard of living themselves but are of the generation that are careful with money (and as they're now in their 70's they rarely spend a lot of money on themselves on holidays or eating out etc which my siblings and I always encourage they do)

AIBU to ask my parents for a portion of my inheritance to help get on the property ladder? In this case money isn't really an issue but my mother doesn't want us to move out as she'll miss us. I have assured her that we'll visit lots and spend quality time together but she's used to getting her own way and isn't happy at all and sulks when I bring the subject up. She is very controlling.

OP posts:
BumpTheElephant · 13/06/2015 12:35

YABU. It isn't your inheritance. It's their money.
You could explain and ask for a loan but they're helping you out loads already. In two years you'll have the deposit and they're allowing you to live rent free, they are already giving you the deposit.

rookiemere · 13/06/2015 12:36

Look I can see why to you it makes sense but the fact your Dm is being evasive about discussing it means they don't want to do it - maybe because they don't want to be unfair to your siblings.
YABU - don't ask.

BumpTheElephant · 13/06/2015 12:37

They loaned you money for your wedding too??? Stop asking them for cash!!

merrymouse · 13/06/2015 12:39

If the property has been signed over to you 'for tax reasons', it is your property - otherwise they are evading tax.

Getthewonderwebout · 13/06/2015 12:40

It doesn't sound like you can afford to only have one of you working. I think you should review this. your ideals and your realities aren't the same.

Mumblechum1 · 13/06/2015 12:40

Perhaps your parents think your husband should be getting a job to help support you all, rather than relying on them.

FenellaFellorick · 13/06/2015 12:40

It's not your inheritance. They aren't dead. It's their money.

I know you hope your parents enjoy a very long life. It's clear that you love them. Maybe they plan to spend their money. Perhaps they will need it for care in their old age. god knows none of us can count on elderly care these days! We all need to understand we have to be taking care of ourselves nowadays. Elderly care is horrendous.

I think you need to keep telling yourself that you don't have an inheritance. Your parents are, thankfully and happily, alive. This means that what is in their bank account is theirs. Not yours. If you stop thinking of it as your inheritance that you are waiting for, you will be able to make your own plans with your own money without thinking about theirs and whether you can have some.

You say your mum is controlling. The last thing you should ever do with a controlling person is give them anything more to control you with. Money is one of the most common things a controlling person uses to control. You remove that - you are free. You can have a more equal relationship.

Mamus · 13/06/2015 12:42

YABVU, until your parents die and leave it to you, the money is not your inheritance.

Original poster
Monkeywhisk · 13/06/2015 12:42

The properties are in my name and siblings name for tax purposes, I (rightfully so) don't get any rent from them or anything- they are my parents houses and I totally see them in that way.

They wouldn't let me swop places as the flat I'm in now would bring in about a third of what they're receiving in terms of rental income for the flat with more than one bedroom. The flat I'm in now is a studio flat and although my husband has done a lot to it it still isn't 'rentable' spec.

I don't want to 'owe' my parents any more as I see I am extremely lucky to not pay rent. I'm going to speak to my husband about renting or staying put till we have our deposit ourselves.

OP posts:
strawberrypenguin · 13/06/2015 12:43

I think in your circumstances they have already 'given' you a large chunk of money by not charging you rent. Work out what your mortgage payment would be per month and start saving it - you'll have the extra deposit in no time and a way to 'check' that you can cope with any potential mortgage.

ImperialBlether · 13/06/2015 12:44

What's your husband's view on this? Whose suggestion was it that he gave up work?

What proportion of the wedding bills have you paid off?

butterfly133 · 13/06/2015 12:44

In the nicest possible way - YABU. I understand that your parents have set things up so you can get a lot later and you want it now. But you've already had a lot now. You've had money for a wedding - surely you could have used that loan to help pay for a home? You live rent-free. Asking for more would be major entitlement.

One thing does confuse me though. I take the point that they signed property over to you for tax reasons. But what is happening with that property now? If it's being rented out, do you get any income from it?

I think it's a bit of a gamble - well intentioned of course - if they have signed it over to avoid IHT but still collect rent on it. We don't know what will or won't happen to IHT or house prices in future so you would have been better off benefitting from the rental income.

I take it you can't sell it because they are still using it in some way?

butterfly133 · 13/06/2015 12:46

Another thing about the property in your name - if I was the legal owner, then I would be taking a share of the rent because of the hassle of being the legal owner. I realise they did it "for you" but you might have benefited more from a sale. To me, being the legal owner of a property is a big deal. I would want to be sure it was fully my asset otherwise what is the point of the responsibility?

Original poster
Monkeywhisk · 13/06/2015 12:49

Ok, I can see IABU!

Appreciate your thoughts. As you say, if they wanted to help with the deposit they would offer. I am very appreciative of not paying rent.

We have savings and I'll receive a back to work bonus after 6 months when I return to work so we'll be very careful and save till we can get a deposit.

OP posts:
merrymouse · 13/06/2015 12:51

The properties are in my name and siblings name for tax purposes, I (rightfully so) don't get any rent from them or anything- they are my parents houses and I totally see them in that way.

HMRC will not see it that way. If you give somebody a property but still benefit from it either you are still the owner or the new owner will be taxed as your landlord.

HereIAm20 · 13/06/2015 12:51

You do realise just signing the properties over to you and your siblings but them still having the benefit of the property (ie living in one and receiving any income from the other) means they haven't managed to transfer them properly for tax purposes don't you? There will still be a tax liability on their deaths.

Also they cannot have over £100k in premium bonds because the maximum is £50k per person.

Original poster
Monkeywhisk · 13/06/2015 12:52

Yes it's to avoid IHT, my parents were bitten badly when my grandfather passed away- they almost lost the home due to IHT. I don't receive the rental income but it's in my name and my siblings.

OP posts:
Original poster
Monkeywhisk · 13/06/2015 12:54

Hereiam20 the premium bonds are £30 k per family member. Mum doesn't want too much money in the bank. I really know little about how they organise their finances but had to know about rental incomes as needed to declare it whilst applying for mortgage etc

OP posts:
merrymouse · 13/06/2015 12:55

Look up 'IHT gift with reservation of benefit'.

merrymouse · 13/06/2015 12:56

So you pretended that you received rental income when you apied for your mortgage?

BadLad · 13/06/2015 12:57

They've given you one house and are letting you live rent-free in another, and you are wanting more from your inheritance?

Holy fuck Grin

Original poster
Monkeywhisk · 13/06/2015 12:57

Imperialbether I'm paying off £10k off the wedding which is the lionshare. I'm over half way paying back mum.

OP posts:
TheChandler · 13/06/2015 12:59

They might seem wealthy to you, but might not have access to 20k in cash. Without wishing to be blunt, the money on inheritance is usually only accessed by people dying and their properties being sold (after probate and IHT). If they are not dead yet, they may not be in a position to produce a lump sum. At least without selling a property. And if they do that and don't die within 7 years, CGT or IHT (I forget which) will be due on any such transfer.

One solution may be for you to move out and for your parents to rent the property, save up the income and give it to you as a lump sum, perhaps in 18 months - 2 years.

Original poster
Monkeywhisk · 13/06/2015 13:00

Bad lad they haven't given me a house- it's theirs- they own two houses, rent one out completely and receive all the rental income and the other they live in and I live in basement flat.

OP posts:
merrymouse · 13/06/2015 13:00

the premium bonds are £30 k per family member.

Then they are your premium bonds.

It sounds as though they are doing everything they can to evade tax.