to be starting children in a primary knowing they will not continue to a local secondary?

[Confusedmartie999]

My son starts a catholic school in September in our current area however there is no catholic secondary here so most go onto the single sex secondaries that are local to here.
There is a catholic school 10 miles away in an area I'm not keen on, 20 miles away in leatherhead and another 30 in barnham so it's likely we will end up moving in time for applications and send my son, followed by daughter the year later to one of those depending on finances / parents health by then etc but the women at Playgroup seemed to think that was awful and that we should make the move now whilst he is young not for secondary.
We looked at the primaries near those other schools and they were either really low performing or massive neither of which appealed to me hence our decision to stay until secondary age.
Is it a massive problem?
I went on with a few fiends to secondary, all of whom went into different tutor groups and made new friends anyway!

Does the woman at playground actually have a teenager?

It's not a problem at all, never mind a massive one!

I know lots of people that do it, my eldest will be finishing primary school this time next year, for various reasons it's likely she'll go on to a school that very few, if any of her primary school friends will attend.

Lots of people do what you're proposing. It's fine.

secondary is a good time to start school in a new area as everyone is starting a new situation anyway. My DS did it this year, my DD will follow next year - I don't think there have been any more problems than if they had gone to the same school as their primary school cohort.

She is BU. Even if you do plan to stay in one place, things happen, life gets in the way etc.
Both dcs didn't go to local comp but to schools a bit further away. They were the only children from their primary school to go to these schools although they did know other kids going. They are thriving.

Where's the problem? I went to lots of different schools. One move is nothing.

My dc are going to school in another continent for secondary. That would blow her mind.

children move school all the time, I had 4 primary schools, even in secondary school I remeber children leaving and new ones coming up until year 10, year 11 is for obvious reasons harder to move schools.

And thing is children don't just move schools as a class again even in my village primary school in my class of 25 there were at least 5 different secondry schools, some went private, local grammars, living in slightly different catchment areas etc.

Why is it awful? You could be moving anywhere before your DCs get to secondary age, even out of the country, and not know yet, it is years off. The primary school will not care. And from the point of view of your DCs settling in at the secondary, it is quite normal to have a fresh start then, they will probably have class mates from many different primaries.

She is being ridiculous.

I'm really glad you all replied as she really made me doubt myself!
Ideally we would just move to where the secondary is now and the kids go to the primary down the road however it's very low performing and quite a large school which I didn't like so we figured better to make the move for secondary.
I've always thought kids would struggle changing schools so we were thinking of not changing them at all, just moving in time for applications and spending 2 years driving my son to school in year 6 and then the following my daughter in year 6 to avoid any disruption.
My husband thinks I'm mental and than a 20-30 mile drive is ridiculous for a school but it only takes 45 mins and if they're happy and settled there it seems silly to move them right at the end :)

My DS1 went to the same secondary as approx. 1/3 of his classmates from primary. By the end of the first half-term all his friends were new friends who'd been to different schools anyway.

I went to the same secondary as all my old classmates and didn't really keep up any friendships beyond the first few weeks as we were in different classes.

DS2 OTOH (now finishing yr 7) has had the same close friendship group since nursery and there's no sign of that changing despite long periods when they haven't all been in the same class. There are a few new people he "knows" but he doesn't consider them friends like his old friends. So, I can see why some people might think it could be an issue. However, I'm sure DS2 would have been fine if he'd had to make new friends and TBH, it might do him good if it was forced on him.

Both my dds have made new friends and no longer "hang around" with thier old primary school friends. It won't be a problem at all.

It's none of her business.

You have good reasons for wanting to be where you are now, and somewhere else for secondary.

30 miles isn't a massive distance, and keeping in touch won't be a massive problem if DCs make v close friends in primary.

The first year will be the hardest for your dd, with a long commute, but it sounds better than the alternative (move her in year 6, which would be unsettling)

Depending on the catchment area of the school, house prices etc, could you move to a location that is just within catchment, but as close to old school as possible (e.g. a house that is 10 miles from the school, 20 miles from you) to make things a bit easier.

You must feel that the Catholic secondary is welcoming and has a strong sense of community otherwise what would be the point of sending your children there.?

Presumably You will be all have the opportunity to meet other families at the relevant local church when you move.

Yes that was actually our plan, to rent for a year or 2 so that we were within catchment area for the secondary but not too far away to get her to primary and then we will buy once they are both in the secondary.
The local primary has a space for my son but it just doesn't do very well for some reason, even though the secondary does which is confusing as we could leave here come the winter as only renting and then he could do school in the area we will end up but they had only a small outside concrete bit as their playgrouond, key stage results were well below average and the head seemed worried by the fact 50% of children aren't speaking English on entry so I didn't get a positive vibe :(

Yes the catholic secondary is lovely and is mixed which is a big plus as we have a daughter too, has a sixth form and will be just up the road from my parents ( who will be 70 by this point so will want to live as close as possible ) and is cheaper to buy / rent in as that but further away from London

We moved when I was in my last year at primary. I went to a grammar school 8 miles from home, on the other side of the city. My brother went to the local comp. We were both happy. Children are much more adaptable than people give them credit for!

Play group woman is Bonkerz!

What you're proposing sounds perfectly reasonable to me. I went to a primary school where the vast majority of pupils moved on to the same secondary school. But even so, there were so many changes. The pupils from the four primary school classes did entrance exams and were placed in secondary school classes according to ability. So there were lots of 'new' pupils in my class, even though we were all from the same primary school. I became very good friends with two of these girls.

We had different teachers for each subject whereas in primary school it was the same teacher every day.

We didn't all do the same subjects, especially when it came to practical subjects like Music, Home Economics, Science, Woodwork, Technical Drawing etc. So even though my BFF was in my class, she wasn't in all of my classes iykwim.

Moving to secondary is a time of change anyway so probably the best time to move them imho.

It sounds totally normal to me. Is she the type of person who lives five minutes from where she grew up and ten minutes farther is the end of the world?

Of course it sounds perfectly reasonable - and for many reasons children end up changing schools - we never intended to move our DS from his primary school but due to change of job, 200 mile move he ended up going to three different primary schools. The ability to deal with change is an incredibly useful life skill.

Is she the type of person who lives five minutes from where she grew up and ten minutes farther is the end of the world? - that amuses me, I now live in a very small insular town where so many people have never moved away from home - personally I would find that quite stifling.

She is exactly that person!
Grew up here, met her husband here, kids will go to the schools she did etc.
My life has been very different maybe as I don't own my house so I tend to move more frequently

You say he's starting at this primary? Do you mean in reception?

Because if so, then you really don't need to plan in this much depth now. For example, the primaries near your preferred secondary might improve in the next 5-7 years so you move earlier, or the 10 mile school might improve whilst the 20 mile school goes off a bit so you change where you want to move to.

As long as you move in good time, and you are likely to stay put at new address, then there really isn't anything wrong with what you plan.

Yes, she said he would be better off emotionally if we moved now so he could start at the reception closer to the secondary even though it's low performing as it would be extremely traumatic for him not to follow onto the local secondaries where we are now.
I am worried that he won't have any familiar faces but moving now worries me for the fact that the school isn't what I wanted for him, there's no grass just concrete to play on and mixed ability teaching whereas the one we have here is a one form intake lots of grass and space just unfortunately no catholic secondary.

I didn't do this and now regret it.

Lived in an area with a good primary but bad secondary. So moved to better secondary catchment a few months before cut off.

The secondary's great but 99% of the other pupils all went to the same 3 feeder primaries together and have known each other since baby groups nursery/start of primary.

If I had the time again I'd move 2/3 years earlier (but these were good primaries too).