Privacy about infertility

[boltofblue]

Without giving too many details, AIBU to think that as a couple, my partner should not divulge too much about our infertility problems (and an associated medical problem - this problem is with me) to friends and family without discussing with me first in general?

What are the limits? I am not trying to be controlling but DP has mentioned it to friends and family (in fairly general terms) and I feel a little uncomfortable

Well the limit is whatever you are comfortable with.

Did he know how you felt before he discussed it? If not then have a talk about what you both think is acceptable to share & what is too much.

Have you told your DP you don't wish for it to be discussed? If not yab a bit u. I would (and have) discussed such things as it affects me too.

If you have had the discussion and said it makes you feel uncomfortable then yes this should be respected but I do feel it will help your partner to be able to air out their thoughts/feelings with a third party.

Just let me pull the splinters out of my arse until we have more info

I think that some people are sharers and some people aren't and the two types can find it hard to understand each other.

On the one hand, I think that it isn't just your problem and he may require support as well but on the other hand I can understand why you want to keep things private.

I agree that you need to discuss what your boundaries are.

I understand it's a shared problem. I was just a little dismayed that it was discussed without having discussed it first - that means it's my fault as much as his. He just couldn't see the problem and it upset me. We will have the chat about it

YANBU. It's private medical information and unless your partner is completely sure you are ok with it being discussed, he should keep his mouth firmly shut.

Yanbu OP. My DH have been ttc for 14 months. We have had initial tests at the doctor which came back fine but now have to wait until we've been trying 18 months before they will refer us to a consultant for proper investigations. The only person I have told is my mum and I checked DH was ok with that first. He told a friend from work without checking with me and I was upset about that - it's a very private thing for me. I got over it as I will never meet the person and she won't ever meet any of our other friends either. We've agreed we won't tell anyone else.

I think if you are the one who would prefer not to discuss the matter with others, then possibly the onus is on you to make that clear. My husband and I share the view that nobody needs to know most things about our health etc, but we still discuss anything that arises and agree who we will tell, when and what details to ensure that we are on the same page.
Unless your husband is usually really private and has suddenly gone off piste about this, then I think it's probably something that he is struggling with and has talked about from his perspective without really thinking.

No yanbu. But you do need to recognise that infertility is a major head fuck for both partners. Ensure uour dh has some one to talk to - ehether close friend or professional counsellor. One that doesn't judge.

My and Dh often have this problem. I am a sharer, I like to tell people when i have a problem, he is the opposite. However in the past l have discussed things that include him with my family and that upset him, so I always talk to him first and ask him.
Sometimes its a little stifling feeling like I cant share something with my mum for fear of upsetting him. But I need other people to talk to for perspectives, so we reach a compromise.

This is a painful subject for both of you and sounds like you are both dealing with it in different ways, I would touch base with him about it and definitely tell him you feel uncomfortable.