AIBU to be struggling with my newborn :(

[Meandyou150]

Hi all

Have a gorgeous 6 week old baby boy who I adore but I am finding things really tough.

I can only assume he has colic as everyday we have these huge crying/screaming spells which go on for hours and nothing soothes him, we've had him fully checked out and there's nothing wrong with him physically- so we've been told it's colic and will just go away in time.

Add to this the fact he refuses to sleep anywhere but on you - meaning we are seriously sleep deprived. Refuses to sleep in his Moses basket or anywhere else.

Also he refuses to be put down - screams when u lay him down to change his nappy- or put him down to make a cup of tea even. We've tried a sling but half the time he hates that as well and just wants to be carried about.

It's just so tough, I'm exhausted and feel I should be able to cope better.

Should I be managing better than I am?!

My ds2 was/still is a lot like that. He's 14 months old now.
He just wanted to be held the whole time and was quite a sicky little chap and was only really happy if held upright on mine or dh's chest.
I had night after night of being sat downstairs with him thinking I was the worst mother in the world as he just wouldn't sleep! Dh and I would take in shifts overnight to hold him and it nearly killed us.
I tried co-sleeping. Ds liked it, but I just couldn't sleep. I tried leaving one of my tshirts in his basket so he thought he was being cuddled. I tried propping up the basket. Nothing worked.
In the end he was three months before it got a little easier and we were down to two to three feeds a night. We moved him into a travel cot with a thick memory foam mattress and that made the biggest difference, it was comfy and helped keep him warm.
He is still very attached to me, doesn't like me leaving the room, still quite awkward if someone other than me tries to feed him. His sleep has improved. He shares a room with his brother now and has started sleeping past 5am!
Remember to look after yourself. It feels like the depths of misery at the time, but these early days don't last long in the grand scheme of things. I'm going to miss the cuddles as he gets bigger!

My ds1 - now 15! - was a lot like yours. He hardly slept and wanted to be constantly carried. By six weeks I was absolutely worn out. You can see lot of people have been telling you they have had similar experiences and it got better eventually.
If you have family nearby, ask them to take the baby for a couple of hours. Have a meal with your dp or pamper yourself so you feel a bit more human.
I find all babies have a 'crying time' - a point in the day when they just seem to want to cry for the sake of it. With ds1 we kept fussing to try to soothe him which made it worse. By the time we got to baby number 3, we learned not to try too hard and what really worked was going upstairs to a quiet dark room instead of pacing back and forth in front of the 6 o'clock news!

I had the same. Things that worked for me were-

Bouncer
Colief drops
Dr Brown's or Nuk bottles
Putting her in a cot rather then the Moses which she hated.
Slumber bear white noise
headphones for my sanity playing my favourite songs. Takes the edge off the crying and the baby enjoyed swaying to the music.

It feels like forever at the time but you will be through it before you know it

Oh yes I had a special
Playlist for DS2. We called it "sleepy" haha
And yes to getting out once a day even if it's a walk around the block. Stops the walls closing in! You're doing brilliantly. You'll bond- DS1 is still a massive cuddly softy

He is on ranitidine for the reflux - limited success so far I would say.

The worst part is when he just seems bored- he's eaten and slept and doesn't know what to do so just cries! Dummy might buy me 10 minutes or so.

I did manage to get out for a bit Saturday afternoon which was a help. I just wish I was better at this

My dd was like this, turned out to be cows milk intolerance. We saw a paediatrician privately because the gaviscon wasn't working and waiting for NHS referral took ages. I was bf at the time so cut out all dairy from diet and things massively improved. When I went back to work dd had aptamil pepti formula on prescription.

Sounds just like DD. We had to take shifts throughout the night, holding her because she refused to be put down (and no, co sleeping, didn't work - she wanted to be held in our arms). But at about 10-12 weeks she was sleeping 12 hours a night! So there is hope. You will survive.

I found that keeping my wee one up for about 20 minutes after feeds helped her colic. Gradually it went down to 10 mins, then 5, then "just sit on that boopy cushion while I go for a wee" and then it was gone. I remember getting ranitidine from the GP at their (twins) 12 week checkup and never actually using it...
At about 10 weeks our ones calmed down, and at 14 weeks I was in the HV session delirious with joy because they had dropped down to 2 night feeds with no settling time in between. It gets easier.

You poor thing. Went through similar with my DD, it was hell but I promise you will survive!!!!! And your DS will be fine.

Sounds like my DD (now 7 months) to a T and she had silent reflux and cows milk protein allergy and soy intolerance..... Who did you get him checked by? IMO gps are crap at diagnosing silent reflux.

The not wanting to lie flat, the hours and hours of screaming that all the 'normal' soothing baby advice (white noise, swaddling, pram walks, car drives etc) did sweet FA to stop, the wanting to be held upright and only sleeping on someone and the hours and hours of feeding (baby actually comfort sucking, not feeding, the milk soothes the burn from the acid)......all sounds horribly familiar!!!!

Does he have any other symptoms? Eg lots of loose, smelly, explosive poos? (Would support the cmpi diagnosis)..... But the rest sounds like classic silent reflux.

Go back to GP and beg for an omeprazole trial (ranitadine did bugger all and in fact made DD worse).... We started off on 4mg and rapidly increased to 10mg, before finally on 20mg to control her reflux. Took about 5-6 weeks if I remember correctly for it to take full effect.
We didn't get the omeprazole from our gp though because she was crap. In the end we went to a&e (out of desperation!) and said we were worried about our baby having abdominal pain because she wouldn't stop crying. They were fab and sent us up to the paediatric assessment unti who immediately diagnosed silent reflux and cmpi.

I also went on a soy and dairy exclusion diet As I was exclusively BF which helped massively with The loose stools etc, but the silent reflux only got better after starting on a PPI (protein pump inhibitor) medication.

Just to warn you....the typical presentation for silent reflux is that it peaks at about 8 weeks.... So it may get worse before it gets better.

Things I would do RIGHT NOW if I were you:

1. Go to gp and demand treatment for silent reflux and a referral for a paediatrician (if he does have silent reflux and cmpi he will heed follow up and advice re:dairy free weaning, we were referred to a dietitian)
2. Read this book (will post link in following post as don't know how to do it here, sorry)
3. Change formula milks to a comfort milk (for reflux, colic) or if cmpi suspected, get a prescription from GP for nutramigen or aptimil Pepti (?sp)....I'm pretty sure those are the right ones. Basically it needs to be highly hydrodgelysed (ie the milk protein is broken down)....NOT lactose free! And not soya formula!
4. Keep using the sling. DD hated it at first but LOVES it now. I use the NCT close caboo. Tried the moby wrap at first but it was too restrictive for her. Your DS probably cries less being held by you than in the sling at present because, well, he's still a teeny newborn and wants to be held, but if he does have silent reflux he will be in pain and so cuddles from mummy will help make him feel better.
5. Drop any expectations you have/had about what it 'should' be like with a newborn or what you 'should' be doing e.g putting baby down on his own in a cot.....bollocks to that and just do what works, what you can do to survive. DH and I used to take the nights in shifts..... I would feed her and then settle her to sleep while DH slept (feeding to sleep was the only thing that worked.....other than her passing out from sheer exhaustion after hours of screaming.... Oh god I am having flashbacks now of the PURE HELL that it was!!!!) then after about 2 hours of the above I would wake DH up and he would sit up holding her while she slept and he watched endless crap telly on his iPad (head phones in) while I would sleep....until she woke me up for a feed again. That way we usually racked up 4-5 hours a night each which was enough to function on (barely!).

I'm sure that I will have x posted with people now as there is currently only 6 messages, but I've taken an age to type this! I will watch this thread so feel free to ask me anything..... You could also look up my old threads as I posted similar to you and got loads of helpful advice.

and ....its HELLISH

My ds1 - now 15! - was a lot like yours. He hardly slept and wanted to be constantly carried. By six weeks I was absolutely worn out. You can see lot of people have been telling you they have had similar experiences and it got better eventually.
If you have family nearby, ask them to take the baby for a couple of hours. Have a meal with your dp or pamper yourself so you feel a bit more human.
I find all babies have a 'crying time' - a point in the day when they just seem to want to cry for the sake of it. With ds1 we kept fussing to try to soothe him which made it worse. By the time we got to baby number 3, we learned not to try too hard and what really worked was going upstairs to a quiet dark room instead of pacing back and forth in front of the 6 o'clock news!

Could have written this with DS1, OP. Relentless crying, especially from tea time onwards. I reaf somewhere that crying peaks at about 6 weeks but not sure if this applies to a baby with colic. Colic is a term banded around too easily, IMO, if your baby has colic, you know about it! I was secretly so resentful of NCT friends who complained of colic when their baby whimpered for a few minutes . Anyway, it's so tought but it really does get better at about 12 weeks. In the meantime, you could try the following:
Vacuum cleaner/hairdryer
Stick baby next to washing machine
Get a white noise app on your phone and leave it running.
Dr Brown bottles
Formula milk specifically for colicky babies
Look up the baby yoga position (tiger in a tree or something? ) whereby baby is lying on your hand, which is pressing on their tummy.
Car journeys if you're desperate.

Don't feel bad OP, it's bloody hard work but like others have said - it will and does get better. You're doing great.

When all else failed with my 3 dc and they kept screaming (I may get wrong for suggesting as it's 'not allowed' any more) but swaddling with a thin cotton sheet worked a treat - not too tight but tight enough. It helped to calm them and when you lift up over your shoulder and rub the back, it helped to release any gas hanging around too.

Toomuchold thanks for your post

I did take him to a and e in desperation a few days ago. They said they think it's simply reflux not cmpi as he'd apparently have a rash or something if he had that.

They gave us ranitidine and as I said not overly impressed with it so far.

He was screaming earlier and I must admit I held him and cried with him
:( x

This book....
www.amazon.co.uk/Colic-Solved-Essential-Infant-Difficult-/dp/0345490681/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1433792126&sr=8-1&keywords=Colic+solved

It's so hard. So hard.
I was told it would stop at 12 weeks...well it stopped at 14 weeks but we went straight into the 4m sleep regression which was hell.

DD is 5m now and I'm only just starting to feel what I class as 'real' love for her rather than just 'she's mine, I must look after her' type instinctive pull.

My only advice would be to ignore any fucker who tells you to cherish this 'special time' they clearly have never experienced it.

And don't feel bad about putting baby in cot while you go and have a good cry. I remember putting dd down in frustration on my bed, could hear her crying, couldn't bear to go back in and got convinced she had somehow fallen off the bed. By the time I went back in I had convinced myself I'd damaged her for life. She was, of course, fine!

It will get easier I promise but it's so hard.

Yes that's true, Dd had terrible spots/lumpy red face rash as well as the loose stools for cmpi....

But reflux/silent reflux even without the cmpi is still shite for little ones. If you ever had heart burn in pregnancy you can empathise what it must be like for a newborn :(

Oh god yes, sitting and crying whilst holding a crying baby. Been there got the bloody t shirt. It honestly, a HONESTLY gets better. Everyone on my threads said the same thing....at 3-4 months you will notice a big improvement. I know that sounds like a zillion years away but it will go by in the blink of an eye.

My DD is now 7 months old and since about 4-5 months we came out of THE HELL that was the early days (definitely google fourth trimester)... And the last 2-3 months have been wonderful :)

She is still a high needs stroppy Madame at times, but all those hours and hours I spent comforting her when she was upset and in pain means that we have a very close bond and I can read her cues like a book, so consequently she is much easier to mange now. Have a look at Dr Sears high needs baby stuff on Google.

Just think that a newborn communicates with you by crying. Your DS is telling you that he is upset, in pain and needs you. By being there for him, holding and comforting him (even if he doesn't stop crying) you are teaching him that you will always 'hear' what he is telling you and that you will always be there for him xx

Op, this is the hardest bit. You are doing great. And it will pass!

Cmpi - my first son had this. No rash. Just loads of pooing and very clingy/sleepless. Later he has blood in his stools which is what made me twig something wasn't right. Exclusion diet and then gradual reintroduction helped massively (FYI he grew out of it by 18m and now eats everything!)

Another thing to rule out is tongue or lip tie - worth looking these up and going from there if you suspect any problem.

When my eldest was little I used to get so stressed because I found it so intense and the feeding was constant. I thought he could tell I found it stressful and wouldn't bond with me. I was so wrong! He's three now and the most loving wee boy ever, loves his mum so much :-) (he also sleeps 7-7 and till recently did a two hour nap after lunch - his sleeping changed dramatically when he turned one and I was AMAZED).

The funny thing with babies, is that they change all the time, and each stage is radically different from the last. So don't beat yourself up for not enjoying the harder bits because you will LOVE other bits, I promise. Do whatever you can to get through this bit (cake, crappy TV, mums netting! Ask gp for help if things get bad) and remember there is probably a really easy fun bit round the corner...

Ah yes tongue tie, my DD was tongue tied (snipped at 1 weeks and 5 weeks for anterior and posterior TT respectively).... Also contributed to the hours of constant feeding. There seems to be quite a big correlation between TT and reflux.....

I think around 6 weeks is the worst time really. The euphoria/adrenalin/whatever it is has worn off and you realise how absolutely bloody exhausted you are.

I've heard that cranial osteopathy can be helpful although I have no personal experience. &

Sounds exactly like my niece. CMPI only diagnosed once she started weaning and she started getting a rash on her hands and face from contact with yoghurt. Never had a rash before that.

Try putting a drop of milk on his skin and see if he reacts. Not definitive at all, no reaction won't mean it's not CMPI, but if you do see a reaction it might help convince the gp. Disclaimer - I don't have first hand experience of this.

Agree about the omeprazol as well. And everything that absofrugginlootly said

My eldest was just like this. He's 11 years now, but we still look back and wonder how we got through it.

I am convinced he was bored - he started to giggle and properly play at 13 weeks, and the screaming stopped, literally overnight.

He has a few sensory issues now and, looking back, I think the colic was the start of it. (Google sensitive or sensory children).

Long walks, the washing machine, driving in the car were the only things that helped.

6 wks is hard, outside help and interest drops off and sleep deprivation is rife! What saved us were good slings (woven wraps), and safe co-sleeping. Bouncing round the garden, rhythmic bottom patting while singing gently helped a wee bit with the evening colic, or wrapping them on your front and going for a walk, it serves as a mild tummy massage for them which helps.

This too will pass, give yourself a break...go into survival mode for a bit. Batch cook when you get the chance, nap when you can etc

Dummy and bouncy chair (minus play arch)

At 6 weeks old if baby is not feeding, he should be sleeping.

Feed. Sit yourself on the sofa, baby in bouncy chair in front of you. Foot on the bouncer and bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce - reinserting dummy as often as needed and keep on foot bouncing and reinserting dummy until baby is asleep.

As soon as baby stirs, bounce and dummy again to get back to sleep. If baby won't go back to sleep then it's time for another feed and start again. Repeat through the whole day for the next 6 weeks, until baby is around 12 weeks old.

Op you don't need to be better than this you are obviously fantastic and it's bloody hard.

Ds 1 was like this. He's now 25 and I tell him what a pain he was.

I swear it really really does get better xxxxx I know it's mumsnet but who cares xxx

He was screaming earlier and I must admit I held him and cried with him

I did that several times with DS1! He was an incredibly difficult colicy baby. It really really does get better. I remember it getting easier around twelve weeks, then easier again around four months, then much better at six months. I know even twelve weeks feels like a bloody eternity but you will get there! For what its worth DS1 is now three and we're very very close. All that crying together did help.