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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To speak to the housing association about my neighbour.

123 replies

livedtotellthetale · 08/06/2015 11:36

I live in a small block of 5 flats, have lived there for 5 years they were new build when I moved in. 3/4 of the flats are private and our 1/4 housing association, about 3 months ago a new neighbour moved in opposite me a young man aged about middle 20s, first thing that worried me is that he has a fairly big dog in the flat (pets are not meant to be allowed) but it hasn't caused me any issues as noise smell its not aggressive and he seems to care for the dog and love it and we have plenty of palks nearby that he takes it for walks. So I have just left it.
he now has put a big union jack out on his balcony plus a big stuffed toy (that looks like his dog) that stay on the balcony, we aren't allowed washing etc on the balcony's, it looks terrible and really makes the flats look bad, also its a really multicultural area and feel it could be seen in the wrong way. Also this is my concern me and my dd have seen young boys aged about 10 11 coming from his flat and him saying if you want to visit the dog come any time, I am not assuming anything bad is happening but it just doesn't fee right.
I have spoken to him briefly a couple of times just neighbour hello asked about the dog etc and get the impression he might have leaning difficulties or some other problems. I don't know what to do, would you raise these concerns or just but out.

OP posts:
JoffreyBaratheonFirstofHisName · 08/06/2015 15:37

HA won't touch it if he got housing points due to any kind of mental health issue. Our neighbours have done some incredibly weird/creepy/even threatening things and they seem to be Teflon - we suspect they might have 'issues'. Drugs, alcohol, MH - or more than one of these. Either way, we get stonewalled if we ever complain, to the point I suspect they are flagged up in some way or another so despite having demonstrably broken their tenancy agreement, no action ever gets taken.

Neighbours' child visitors could well be relatives or similar.

OP I wouldn't hold out any hope of the HA giving two flying fecks.

Hadron21 · 08/06/2015 15:37

You may mock but twice in my professional life a phone call of this nature has stopped a serious crime being committed, one against children. A tenant was inviting the paper boy in and giving him money and his neighbour reported it. Thank god he did. The police had historical information and acted upon it. Id rather make the phone call on the non emergency number than not.

JessiePinkman · 08/06/2015 15:47

waynerooneyshair & luizsuarezteeth Grin

Nokidsnoproblem · 08/06/2015 15:52

I wouldn't want to live next to you OP. You sound snobby and rude.

Original poster
livedtotellthetale · 08/06/2015 15:55

Nokids, you don't know me, I have never had any problems with my neighbours in the past ever.

OP posts:
TwinkieTwinkle · 08/06/2015 15:56

Hadron So what do you suggest? We jump to assumptions every time we see a child enter a house if we are unsure about the person, without knowing any facts? What if the children know the man and the OP is unaware of that? It's ridiculous to assume that it is anything other than innocent if you don't know the situation.

Aermingers · 08/06/2015 16:17

Emily doesn't like flags, white vans or the working class.

Laladeepsouth · 08/06/2015 16:27

Oh, by all means have the dog (which OP says is well cared for, walked very frequently, and greatly loved by his owner) taken away! I'm sure there's a loving family with a huge garden breathlessly waiting to adopt it. Yes, just casually mention it to the HA and then it won't really be like the OP is responsible for any distress/misery. Oh, and have his flag and stuffed animal removed too! In fact, of course, if OP gets the HA to look into the flag issue they'll discover the dog, the children visiting, etc.! Win-win for OP.

I'm all for going by the rules normally; actually I'm quite old-school that way -- but there are exceptions. Probably, given the neighbor's possible mental or emotional issues, many aspects of his life/lifestyle will not necessarily be permanent anyway. Do you actually think there is something unsafe going on with the visiting children or are they just really going in to play with the dog, which is an enjoyable and quite novel activity for them?

This is just so sad.

momieplum · 08/06/2015 16:41

The reason why the English flag bothers some English people is because it has been adopted by the NF/BNP as a symbol of racial intolerance, I believe. It might be worth just asking him nicely to take it down.

I don't think it is a good idea for unaccompanied 10 and 11 year olds to be going into a grown man's flat unaccompanied... whether to see a dog or not.... Although it might be that the boy's parents are friends and are very happy about it, I would be questioning it too if I were you. Because they are young and vulnerable and may be exposed to inappropriate things such as films or drugs or alcohol even if the man hadn't intended any abuse. Because 1 in 3 children are abused and that stat is conservative. Because there has been so much in the media about abuse of that age group. I'd get advice from NSPCC.

Sorry to sound like such a firebrand.

Gilrack · 08/06/2015 16:46

I am seriously concerned about the kids Shock Can't believe people are glossing over it! I'd totally call 101 about that.

twofingerstoGideon · 08/06/2015 16:47

Yes, the children could be known to the man and the children's parents may be aware, but if my own 10 year old was visiting a man in his flat to 'see his dog' I would certainly want to be aware of it and would be grateful if some flagged it up (pun unintentional).

I'm surprised so many of you think it's perfectly fine.

AntiHop · 08/06/2015 16:51

Does your housing officer do building inspections? If so they should notice the flat and the toy when they visit.

TwinkieTwinkle · 08/06/2015 17:06

The reason why the English flag bothers some English people is because it has been adopted by the NF/BNP as a symbol of racial intolerance, I believe. It might be worth just asking him nicely to take it down.

Why on earth should the Union Jack not be displayed because a tiny minority use it in an inappropriate way? Completely ridiculous.

Laladeepsouth · 08/06/2015 17:11

"1 in 3 children are abused and that stat is conservative."

Are you kidding me? (Sorry for my unsophisticated vocabulary and linguistic style.) I stand corrected then on an tangential issue -- maybe there is a rape culture after all.

I'm sadder than ever now.

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 08/06/2015 17:11

The reason why the English flag bothers some English people is because it has been adopted by the NF/BNP as a symbol of racial intolerance, I believe. It might be worth just asking him nicely to take it down.

Um, yes we all know that. However, some posters have quite rightly said that why should English people be the only ones in the world who cannot display their national flag for fear of being thought to be racist?

If more normal, non racist people fly our flag, then the 'ownership' of it by the far right will diminish and it will be a normal thing like in the rest of the world. No-one goes round Spain, or Scotland or anywhere else commenting that flag bearers are racist or xenophobic.

Laladeepsouth · 08/06/2015 17:17

What you said, Twinkie, re the flag issue. I couldn't formulate a proper response and you did it so well -- sincere thanks. I'm mentally exhausted over this thread.

Laladeepsouth · 08/06/2015 17:19

And Moor, too. Thanks.

momieplum · 08/06/2015 17:29

Twinkle, do as you want - for me and other people that it is a reason not to fly it, as ridiculous as you think that is. And to the other poster suggesting that everyone flies the flag so that it loses it connotations then that is a pretty good idea. I suggested asking him to take it down because of the HA rules.

Lala - errr... be sad, because that is the statistic so far as I know. Nothing to do with rape culture. And I have found some of the comments on here mentally exhausting too.

InstitutionCode · 08/06/2015 17:36

I agree with Hadron. You don't have to have any proof to report a concern. That's why we have the police and the courts.

There are so many children who would have been better off had a neighbour reported something that seemed a bit odd. Whilst a young man inviting kids in could be completely harmless, it is unusual.

ladyamberfraser · 08/06/2015 17:41

Please leave the poor man alone OP, you have said yourself he loves his dog and is generally no bother. As for calling the police,bloody hell that would be awful.
Mind your own business, you could do so much harm here for no good reason. It all makes me feel sad that people are so quick to see the bad in others. Shame...

Laladeepsouth · 08/06/2015 17:46

I stated it was a tangential issue. But nice try.

Also, from the use of the "errr . . ." in the response, I realize I've strayed from the set narrative once again. Sadder and wiser now.

ApeMan · 08/06/2015 17:49

"The reason why the English flag bothers some English people is because it has been adopted by the NF/BNP as a symbol of racial intolerance, I believe. It might be worth just asking him nicely to take it down."

This is true - to many of us the Cross of St George is a lovely thing - a symbol of good, decent things and elements of English identity - both the quiet and understated ones and those which are less so. No doubt plenty of people feel like this about cultural/national symbols of their own, and the fact there are elements who wish to co-opt the flag to represent other things is nothing new to modern times, and nothing specific to England. :)

All of that applies to the Union Jack, too.

Also, best not to confuse the Union Jack with the English flag, the two are not interchangeable at all.

TwinkieTwinkle · 08/06/2015 17:52

Twinkle, do as you want - for me and other people that it is a reason not to fly it, as ridiculous as you think that is.

It is ridiculous. It is also slightly pathetic that people are willing to allow disgraceful organisations such as the BNP hijack the flag of Great Britain and not do anything about it. Just turning a blind eye and such.

momieplum · 08/06/2015 17:53

The "errr" was in fact to do with the fact that you were diverting attention from a serious issue.

Laladeepsouth · 08/06/2015 18:04

No, actually, now that I think about it you brought in your own agenda to a specific situation, which most posters were specifically discussing. I'm sure you read my initial post in which I think I evidenced how seriously I took this whole situation dealing with the real life events and not theoretical social or political issues. I stand by what I said -- and I only veered from your issues, not from the issues of the OP.