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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To speak to the housing association about my neighbour.

123 replies

livedtotellthetale · 08/06/2015 11:36

I live in a small block of 5 flats, have lived there for 5 years they were new build when I moved in. 3/4 of the flats are private and our 1/4 housing association, about 3 months ago a new neighbour moved in opposite me a young man aged about middle 20s, first thing that worried me is that he has a fairly big dog in the flat (pets are not meant to be allowed) but it hasn't caused me any issues as noise smell its not aggressive and he seems to care for the dog and love it and we have plenty of palks nearby that he takes it for walks. So I have just left it.
he now has put a big union jack out on his balcony plus a big stuffed toy (that looks like his dog) that stay on the balcony, we aren't allowed washing etc on the balcony's, it looks terrible and really makes the flats look bad, also its a really multicultural area and feel it could be seen in the wrong way. Also this is my concern me and my dd have seen young boys aged about 10 11 coming from his flat and him saying if you want to visit the dog come any time, I am not assuming anything bad is happening but it just doesn't fee right.
I have spoken to him briefly a couple of times just neighbour hello asked about the dog etc and get the impression he might have leaning difficulties or some other problems. I don't know what to do, would you raise these concerns or just but out.

OP posts:
IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 08/06/2015 13:50

Pretty sure that any HA reps will pull him up on it if they feel it needs to be done.

Of course, they might like seeing the national flag on display!

Hadron21 · 08/06/2015 13:57

Call the housing association and don't give your name. Tell them about the flags and the boys.
Call the 101 police number - report factually what you have seen. If there is any history to this individual they may investigate.
Your gut feeling is telling you something. The housing association have more info about this individual than you do and may be able to put two and two together.

I work in a (medical) community role and see how unreported concerns don't lead different departments to join the dots which could sometimes (only sometimes) have protected the person and others from harm.

WayneRooneysHair · 08/06/2015 14:08

Call the police based on what exactly? That a few kids wanted to see his dog? If the police were called because of that then I would have caused my neighbours grief when I was little and wanted to see their bulldog Blush

TwinkieTwinkle · 08/06/2015 14:11

Call the police?! Oh FFS!

InstitutionCode · 08/06/2015 14:15

Why FFS? Op has some concerns, which may or may not have foundation.

That's what the police are for. Better make the call than not and find out later that she could have prevented something terrible.

If there's nothing to worry about it will have taken a few minutes of someone's time. If there have been previous issues or there are other reasons for concern, she will have done a very good thing.

TheAnswerIsYes · 08/06/2015 14:19

I would report it and complain. Flags etc look shit and if one person flouts the rules then everyone will and the whole place starts to look uncared for.

shipinabottle · 08/06/2015 14:22

Calling the police is a massive over reaction when there is no evidence of wrongdoing.
Mud sticks and if gossip gets outs that police visit his house due to child protection issues can you imagine the consequences your neighbour might have and he is innocent just naive.

Would people be suggesting she call the police if it was a woman with learning difficulties of biting children into her flat to see the dog?

Original poster
livedtotellthetale · 08/06/2015 14:22

I wont be calling the police, but just will be aware of what's happening around me, and my instinct is telling me something isn't quite right. As in the flag and big toy pisses me off it really does look scruffy, I wont do anything I am sure it would have already been reported.

OP posts:
shipinabottle · 08/06/2015 14:23

That should say inviting children not biting children!

The5DayChicken · 08/06/2015 14:23

Calling the police, even 101, is a ridiculous idea considering (as far as OP has shared with us) there's next to no basis for concern. The fact that a couple of 10-ish year olds visit this man is not cause for concern in itself.

BubGal13 · 08/06/2015 14:29

Agree with WayneRooneysHair (which also happens to be 1 of the best MN names I've seen)

TwinkieTwinkle · 08/06/2015 14:33

What a world we live in.

'What service do you require?'
'Police please'
'What is your emergency?'
'There are children going into my neighbours house to see the dog.'
'Ok and what is the emergency?'
'He also has a flag on his balcony.'

elementofsurprise · 08/06/2015 14:40

OP, I know the flag's a bit crap but if you report it and he gets a visit, he'll lose his dog/man's best friend. I wouldn't want to risk that.

It's the children visiting element that is potentially dodgy. Although also potentially the modern-day witch hunt a bit - strange men get suspicious looks but strange women (like me) don't.

However... are you able to explore your feelings on the matter? Try and tease out 'instinct' from prejudice? Ie. is the flag/big dog/general social signals of class etc (sorry!) getting to you, so the children visiting seems more dodgy? If it was a kindly polite elderly middle class man, would you be so suspicious? (* statistically you should)

Because if there is a real instinct there that says something is not right it is worth listening to. If you were asked, spur of the moment, to say what you think might be wrong, what would you say? Eg. "it's something about the children that's wrong" or "It feels like he's hiding something in the flat" or "there's something funny about the dog aspect". Go on, what's the gut feeling?

WayneRooneysHair · 08/06/2015 14:41

The neighbour probably has learning difficulties and mud sticks.

Remember that the disabled man who got beaten to death because residents thought he was a pervert? He wasn't and the idiots that killed him were jailed for a long time.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 08/06/2015 14:42

It's a Union Flag. Not a Union Jack.

Sallyingforth · 08/06/2015 14:52

Luis +1 :)

I haven't got a Union flag, or I would probably fly it with pride on any suitable occasion.
I don't see how you can criticise anyone for that, whatever the neighbourhood. After all any neighbourhood in the UK is, well, within the UK!
But keeping a dog cooped up in a flat, where pets are not allowed, seems worthy of reporting.

hedgehogsdontbite · 08/06/2015 15:05

It is a Union Jack. As decreed by Parliament on 14th July 1908.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 08/06/2015 15:25

The Union Jack should also be regarded as the national flag

But it was the union flag first.

I've actually never been to pedants' corner. Off for a nosey.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 08/06/2015 15:26

I hope he has the flag the right way up OP. You could report him for that if it's not.

SunnyBaudelaire · 08/06/2015 15:27

you see that is why it just needs a tiny red dragon on it, then it would be easy to put the right way up....

Aermingers · 08/06/2015 15:27

Hi Emily! Any luck getting back in the shadow cabinet yet?

ApeMan · 08/06/2015 15:30

Yeah, let's all call the authorities on random people we don't much like the look of in case they are doing anything wrong.

Get a hobby guys. Seriously.

Aermingers · 08/06/2015 15:31

Put a piano outside the flat. See if any local children come along and make a racket on it. If they do, call the rozzers, it's all the rage.

SunnyBaudelaire · 08/06/2015 15:33

who is Emily?

ApeMan · 08/06/2015 15:34

Wait, a flag and a piano in one situation?!!!

Probably warrants an armed response unit.