To ask how often you and your DH/DP fall out

[downthekingsway]

Mine seems to be at least twice a week and then he sulks after so unless I sort it out it seems like we are always fallen out :(

In 24 years we've had 2 proper rows . Having both spent at least 50 percent of our careers dealing with other people's rows tends to put you off having one yourself we find . And both of those were ridiculous . I threw my hands in the air and got back in the car to go and stay in a hotel after coming home from a 15 hr shift to find the house like a bomb site . I then went and sulked in the train station car park till he rang and apologised and came back to find the house spotless. And he got the raging hump and packed his case over something equally trivial . Until he couldn't find any clean socks. Then he smirked, I burst out laughing and that was that.

I've learned if I'm tired when I get home, then to go to bed for an hour and let my tolerance levels readjust. Much easier all round . And it gives him an hour to tidy .

Every weekend. But then we have a six month old who wakes sometimes hourly (plus an early rising toddler) so we know it's down to sleep deprivation. Bearing in mind the rows we had when ds1 was a baby, we declared a year long amnesty on rows, so we both know anything said this year is not likely really meant and can be forgiven!
When not caring for a baby, less often. I like a row to clear the air but dh is a sulker so I try to avoid if possible!
Humour always helps.

Never really. We bicker but always follow any hard words with apologies and attempts at understanding.

I could not live with someone who regularly shouted at me, sulked, etc. they can disagree by all means but I expect to be treated like an adult, and I give the same in return.

With ex H, horrendous, poisonous abusive name calling at least four times a week. I can also categorically state it was never me who started it, certainly not to begin with. I would be blind sided every time and he could go from 0 to nuclear in seconds. I remember cooking him dinner once and I hadn't laid the table, was 9 months pregnant and been at work all day and I just forgot. He had a face like thunder over it and it ended up being the worst argument I had ever had with anyone. There were much worse to come though. The accusations and name calling were so vicious that they would take my breath away. He smashed up television sets, wrecked rooms etc.

The arguments literally made me ill in the end, he only had to enter the house and a headache would start. I had a nervous breakdown that lasted 8 months where I could barely function.

To this day he maintains that I am a massive bitch for throwing him out and breaking up the family and his parents agree but then they were/are the same way as a married couple as he thought we should be.

Rarely - not because we are blissfully happy all the time but after 27 years we tend to know each other's faults, accept them and know we aren't really going to change so no point having a row about it.

My friend says looking back, she should have known her marriage was over when they stopped arguing.

Neither of them cared enough about the relationship to be bothered arguing anymore.

That's interesting Institution but in our case I think it's more that over the years we've really learned 'not to sweat the small stuff'. When I read about some (obviously not all) of the rows couples have on Mumsnet they seem pretty trivial to me and I wonder how people can get so worked up over minor stuff.

I remember in the early years of marriage many rows and weeping sessions, all a bit embarrassing when I look back and neither of us ever changed much anyway.

We bicker mostly in the car about his crap driving but normally it's light hearted banter. We rarely row but when we do its an explosive argument which doesn't last and we always appologise to each other or the person in the wrong appologise when things calm down. It's then forgotten and we move on.

We have never argued though, so wasn't a marriage to start with according to that logic?

Oh I've no idea, it's just something my friend believes about her particular circumstances.

I do think that in a lot of very long marriages where couples proudly boast to have never argued, one partner (usually the man) has been very passive and allowed the other to have their own way all their lives.

But I know nothing about your marriage Hazle

We bicker pretty regularly (daily?), but it's more banter than actual annoyance IYSWIM. It's how we flirt with each other too, which I suppose is juvenile but we were 18 when we got together

As for proper, hurtful, big rows - I'd estimate once every few years. We came very close to splitting once, due to me having a personal crisis and taking everything I hated about myself out on DP, who was amazing the entire time. That's the only serious fight that resulted in us going to bed angry, and he will occasionally bring it up, although never maliciously.

When both of us were working FT, dealing with a difficult DS with SN, sleep deprived due to said DS, grumpy and stressed, we used to fall out very often!
For the last couple of years, we are handling things better (I am not working) we are getting on much better, probably little fights once every few months but always make up quickly. I've learnt to be much more calm, DH has worked on his mood with self help books

very very rarely, we have never had a big argument.
We are both very laid back and like the easy life, the only thing we disagree about is exp's.

We have arguments a few times a year. We bicker quite a lot but it gets quickly forgotten about - just one of those things when you live with someone.

I think about 4 times - ever (in almost 20 years). We have our disagreements and yes, we drive each other mad, but we're both pretty tolerant and always manage to sort it out with a discussion/negotiation rather than a row.

Not very often at all. There's some low-level bickering about daily tedium buy no shouting etc.

We had a handful of really huge bust-ups before we were married but only a handful of big arguments since then.

In 3 years we've never actually had an argument. The worse we ever get is a slight snap from one of us (usually because he get's stressed driving in cities, I get grumpy if I'm very tired). Whoever is at fault will feel bad and apologise in seconds and then it's forgotten about. Neither of us has ever raised our voice at the other and I can't imagine it ever happening. He is mortified enough if he even makes a snappy comment at me and can't stop apologising, bless him the big softy!

Only ever argue about one thing.. the way he parents (or doesn't) his children, as that has an effect on me/mine as we all live together. But we argue about it constantly.

If my DH (of 20+ years) walked out of the room then came back looking down because I hadn't heard him ask if I wanted toast, I'd think he was pathetic. He could ask a bit more loudly or tap me on the shoulder to get my attention.

We argued allthetime when our kids were babies and toddlers, but we have grown into each other (after 15 years) and bicker rarely now.

I'm grateful that we didn't get a divorce in years 1-10 of marriage.

We've been together three years and have never had a proper argument but then neither of us are the type to argue.

I passive aggressively ignore/ give short answers until he sees that im right

In 21 years as friends and 10 years as partners, i can count 2 occasions when we've had strong words. The last time was probably 3 or 4 years ago

2-3 barnstorming all out rows per year and maybe an 'argument/row' every couple of months?
Currently not on speaking terms this evening as he casually dropped into conversation that today he has purchased a sky sports subscription, knowing full well how I feel about spending money to sit in front of a tv......anyway, I've made my feelings clear, and decamped to the other lounge so he can watch his sports alone.

Bloody hell, this is making me feel a bit teary all these stories of people who never argue - we argue every day at the moment and not just bickering, but big shouty name-calling rows.

He thinks it's better all out in the open, but it fries my brain and he gets crosser because he thinks I'm totally PA. I just want some peace and quiet for my DSs. It's not much to ask is it?

Ugh.

MrsT, it's not much to ask, and you might find that many others on the thread who have non-fighty relationships had parents who yelled a lot.
My dad yelled and shouted and we all just obeyed and backed down. Well, until I was old enought to leave home.