Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being silly. Babyshower

24 replies

namech4nger · 06/06/2015 16:56

Just found out yesterday that my Sil had a baby shower last week!! Didn't appear to be a massive secret or anything however I wasn't told or invited. I had spoken to her via fb 3 weeke ago and it wasn't mentioned although I don't feel it was intentional everyone knew but me.

Seems mil wasn't invited too even though she would probably decline as she is not good in social situations.

This would have been thrown by her friends or her mother......

in laws are family right? I mean the baby will be my little neice but to her friends who did go, it's just their mates baby. I feel I should have been invited. We don't get on like a house on fire although are polite and amlibacle to each other. We are from different world's I guess hence the house on fire comment but never rowed or had previous problems that I'm aware of.
I feel a bit upset and have even cried.

Am I being silly and too emotional.

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 06/06/2015 16:59

A bit, yes.

If you're not that close, why would she invite you. It would just be a bit awkward, given the other attendees are presumably people she is close to.

It is also possible she had nothing to do with who was invited, if it was organised for her.

hibbledibble · 06/06/2015 16:59

I wouldn't think any more of it, there is nothing it will achieve.

Maybe it was a surprise and friend who organised it arranged the guest list?maybe sil didn't think you would want to go?

WorraLiberty · 06/06/2015 17:00

Blimey, that's a turnaround. Most people can't wait to get out of an invitation to these pandering grab fests! Grin

Maybe her Mother just didn't think?

It's certainly nothing to cry about. Just buy a present for the baby when it's born.

PicaK · 06/06/2015 17:02

But it was for her friends. Not family. A chance to let your hair down with people who know you best and be indulged by them.
It's not about how close you are to the baby - there is no slight.
Yano I'm afraid

AuntieStella · 06/06/2015 17:04

Some people do showers with friends not family.

The host might be one of them, and I expect your SIL would simply have been happy her friends are hosting this for her. And as she may well expect family to have quite a different - and closer - role that is unconnected to her friends throwing a party for her.

DawnOfTheDoggers · 06/06/2015 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fourchetteoff · 06/06/2015 17:08

I didn't invite MIL to my baby shower. Or my mum. It was a silly event for friends. I see enough of my family the rest of the time.
So I wouldn't be offended in the least. I'd rather have people at something like that who I get on really well with, rather than feeling obliged.

fourchetteoff · 06/06/2015 17:09

Btw- i live in N America, so showers are considered a 'normal' thing.

annielouisa · 06/06/2015 17:11

Baby showers are usually organised by friends of mum to be for friends to give gifts and join in silly games.

jorahmormont · 06/06/2015 17:11

I wouldn't have invited ILs to the baby shower. My friends threw it for me, it was a surprise but even still, I wouldn't have invited them.

Then again, my friends have taken more of an interest in DD than SIL has. At least my friends acknowledged her birthday

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 06/06/2015 17:12

If you're just polite and amicable then I don't see why she would invite you to be honest. You're not friends. She'd probably find it awkward having someone there she'd have to force polite conversation with.

Original poster
namech4nger · 06/06/2015 17:12

Thanks everyone. Her mother and aunt went. They are the only females who are family on her side. I just feel family on her side was invited and not family on this side.

Could also be that maybe I embarrass her and don't want to admit it to myself. Her family and friends are posh whereas I'm the other end of the scale or maybe I'm over thinking. I just feel hurt and I suppose will have to wait for that feeling yo pass.

OP posts:
WipsGlitter · 06/06/2015 17:13

Is she your brothers wife?

Original poster
namech4nger · 06/06/2015 17:16

No wips . Myself and her both married in her 4 years ago myself 7. Our husbands are brothers we have all been together about 10 to 11 years

OP posts:
blink1552 · 06/06/2015 17:16

Is it not just that it was organised by a friend who might have thought about her mum and sister but didn't know you from adam?

ollieplimsoles · 06/06/2015 17:18

Sorry you are hurt op, I wouldn't worry too much about it though, I'm sure you don't embarrass her!

Maybe the baby shower was a naice idea of one of her friends and she wanted to keep it as low key as possible?

I would be the same if my friends organised one for me.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 06/06/2015 17:19

My baby shower was my closest friends and family (organised by my friend, not me) so anyone I was amicable with wouldn't have been invited either.

elliejjtiny · 06/06/2015 17:43

Sorry but I think YABU. Sounds like it was a party for her friends and family, not inlaws. I've never been to a baby shower but I wasn't invited to my sister's hen night as she wanted it to be just friends which is fine. I had my friends and my sisters at mine but not my mum or mil. DH's stag do was mostly family.

Betsyblue · 06/06/2015 17:45

I would be overjoyed not to have been invited, especially as you say you're not even that close!

I have been to one baby shower and it was the most boring, grabby experience of my life. Never again!

WipsGlitter · 06/06/2015 17:59

If it was a surprise her friends may not have known to invite you.

TidyDancer · 06/06/2015 18:10

I would've been thrilled not to have been invited rather than have to turn down an invitation personally. Baby showers are awful.

Andylion · 06/06/2015 18:22

I would think that, as a future aunt to the baby, the OP would be invited to a shower. OP, is there a chance they are expecting more than one shower, i.e, is your MiL organising one?

Stinkersmum · 06/06/2015 18:32

I think you're being a bit precious. If you're not very close, I really don't think that the fact you both married into the same family gives you an automatic pass. Baby showers are about the mum. Not the baby's family.

kickassangel · 06/06/2015 18:49

It doesn't sound like you see/speak to each other very much if the last contact was fb 3 weeks ago. In the US, there isn't one shower for everybody. At work we do one for work people (we do mums and dads), and the family would do one, and the friends would do one. So, not being invited would just mean that you're not a close family blood relation to her, and nothing more. If you had been the only person not invited, and everyone else in the family went, then it would seem logical to get upset.

btw - I know some people see them as a 'grab fest' but there are NO gifts given after the birth of the baby in the US. The point is to set the family up ready for the birth of their first child (and showers tend to be only for the first child) before the baby is born. Then, once the baby is born, people often provide food/meals which they drop off, get a cuddle of the baby, and leave the family to settle in. It seems quite sensible, particularly where a group of friends or work colleagues club together, to have gifts opened and ready, so that the parents know what they have, and can be ready.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread