Who is responsible for cleaning after this guest?

[Booboostoo]

DH and I can't agree over this ( a bit long winded but bear with me):

We have a nanny/groom/cleaner who lives in accommodation we provide with her boyfriend who also works for us. Our nanny and bf are away on holiday and FIL is visiting. We don't have a spare bedroom for FIL so we asked nanny and bf if FIL could stay at their cottage and they were happy with this.

Right before our nanny left on holiday she cleaned her cottage and changed the sheets, which I assumed she did because FIL was coming. This was lovely of her and I will thank her about. When FIL leaves I think we should change the sheets and clean the cottage so that it is ready for nanny and bf to return. DH thinks we should leave cottage as is and nanny and bf should clean it when they come back. DH argues that nanny works for us as a cleaner so it's her job to clean. I don't think it's her job to clean her cottage that she has kindly let to us, nor have to do it after a long flight back, nor have to do it on her day off.

I will eat my foot if anyone thinks I am BU, but tell me anyway because I need some ammunition to convince DH (of course I could just go ahead and clean it all by myself, but in that case I would prefer it if FIL shared a room with a DC as it is a lot less work for me. I am doing all the cleaning anyway while nanny is away, DH is not helping with that at all so I don't want to 'volunteer' for more cleaning).

[NoIsNotACompleteSentence]

YOU shouldn't clean it.

Your DH should clean it.

I just could not live with a man who thought like this. What a selfish twat.

[Booboostoo]

This thread may have jinxed me. DD has just come in to sleep with me and the baby as apparently there are monsters in her room. If FIL is OK with a couple of monsters he has his own bedroom!

[NoIsNotACompleteSentence]

It won't solve the issue of your Dh acting like an incredibly selfish and thoughtless man will it?

You have made him sound absolutely horrible. Very identifying info too by the way as it's quite an unusual scenario...

[bringbacksideburns]

The issue isn't with you , what you do all day or how big your house is . The issue is your Dh's imperious attitude towards your Nanny and the fact he thinks when she is away on her hols she should come back and clean his father's sheets, not him. It's not actually amusing or attractive, it's spoilt and childish. Get your Fil to leave the cottage in a decent state and change the bed. Assuming your Fil has use of all his limbs. Oh and doing chores doesn't mean anyone has less brain cells than your husband and he is any better than anyone else. There are people working in factories who are members of Mensa and I'm sure could outwit the hell out of him.

[Trickydecision]

When your nanny borrowed your house, who cleaned up after her guests? I bet it was not your DH. So why should your nanny clean up after your FIL?

[sadwidow28]

Yay booboostoo Extra hands to help with the cleaning!

Oh no ..... now we have to teach Mr booboostoo how to be thoughtful to uninvited guests/monsters.

[candlesandlight]

Bet your staff think very highly of your husband (not)

[1Morewineplease]

Clean up after your FIL THEN CLAMP YOUR KNEES SHUT!!!! He's behaving like a priviged arse!!!

[CrapBag]

YABU. Because it's your DH who should clean it, not you. It's his dad as the guest. Does he have such a low opinion of women that the big mighty man is far too important to do some cleaning?

OP you sound lovely and there was nothing wrong in asking your nanny if you could use the cottage seeing as she did the same with you before. Ignore some of the nasty comments on here. How dare you state you have staff but not a big enough house to have a guest room. You must go out and buy a bigger house now on account of a few posters on an anonymous forum.

[SuperFlyHigh]

Op slight drip feeding there re your staff used your house the other time.

[Phoeberdoos]

Obvs you clean it. YANBU

DH needs his head looked at. Is she just a skivvy to clean up any mess? Just because she is employed to clean for you doesn't mean he shouldn't ever lift a finger to help around the house.

[Tomuchcake]

Can FIL not clean it???

[Tomuchcake]

If no, then it I'd down to u or Husband

[WineIsMyMainVice]

You may not have a formal contract with her, but that cottage sounds like part of her employment terms. She therefore would have been well within her rights to say she didn't want FIL to stay there. She therefore did you a favour.
apart from anything you should treat people as you would like to be treated. Would dh like to come home to bed sheets someone else has slept in??!

[Oldraver]

How dare your DH (and FIL for that matter) think the Nanny should come home to dirty sheets on HER bed, that she has graciously given up for FIL. So disrepectful

[Booboostoo]

Why is FIL getting it now? He's in another country and has no clue where he will be sleeping when he comes.

FIL is 76 and with a few physical problems - I am sure he would be happy to help clean but if it came to that I would do it.

[FishWithABicycle]

Your employee's home should definitely be returned to the clean and tidy state in which she previously left when she went on holiday. It would be a horrible slap in the face for her to return to mess.

If your DH is above doing chores there are plenty of cleaning companies who will come in for one-off jobs like this.

[Catsize]

Unreal. Yanbu,mbut Imbe it falls to you to clean it on a 'Well, I don't think we should be doing this' basis.
OP's DH, if you are reading this, who the hell do you think you are? Stop being such an entitled (noun fail - there isn't a polite word).

[Catsize]

But I bet. Sorry.

[BeCool]

If your DH isn't going to clean the flat then his father needs to bunk in with the kids and you shouldn't use the flat.

Your DH is being Spectacular Entitled Arse about this.

[CheeseToastie123]

Clean, fresh bedding, flowers, fizz, a thank you card. Minimum, to be provided by your husband.

[Pippa12]

I think if I allowed somebody to stay in my home and I came back to dirty sheets and it anything less than pristine (how I would've left it!) I would feel completely used and disrespected. In your employees shoes, I would find another job, pronto.

I don't think your awful- you'd of been awful not to try and convince your DH he is being unreasonable. Your FIL is also innocent. Hope you manage to convince him- if you did it together (which Tbf would be what DH and I would do) it'd only take 30 minutes max.

[Roseotto]

If you can afford a full time housekeeper couple can't you pay for a temp for a few hours so you don't have to have this argument? Clearly he is wrong but is it worth the hassle?

[Fairy13]

What really made me was the fact that you said DH does no household chores, that when nanny is not there you do them all.

You know that's not ok either don't you?

[HopefulHamster]

OP you're getting a bit defensive because of the assumptions some people have made about your house.

All that aside though, why is your DH such an arse about it? Why does he consider himself above 'chores'? No one is!