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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is responsible for cleaning after this guest?

194 replies

Booboostoo · 06/06/2015 13:46

DH and I can't agree over this ( a bit long winded but bear with me):

We have a nanny/groom/cleaner who lives in accommodation we provide with her boyfriend who also works for us. Our nanny and bf are away on holiday and FIL is visiting. We don't have a spare bedroom for FIL so we asked nanny and bf if FIL could stay at their cottage and they were happy with this.

Right before our nanny left on holiday she cleaned her cottage and changed the sheets, which I assumed she did because FIL was coming. This was lovely of her and I will thank her about. When FIL leaves I think we should change the sheets and clean the cottage so that it is ready for nanny and bf to return. DH thinks we should leave cottage as is and nanny and bf should clean it when they come back. DH argues that nanny works for us as a cleaner so it's her job to clean. I don't think it's her job to clean her cottage that she has kindly let to us, nor have to do it after a long flight back, nor have to do it on her day off.

I will eat my foot if anyone thinks I am BU, but tell me anyway because I need some ammunition to convince DH (of course I could just go ahead and clean it all by myself, but in that case I would prefer it if FIL shared a room with a DC as it is a lot less work for me. I am doing all the cleaning anyway while nanny is away, DH is not helping with that at all so I don't want to 'volunteer' for more cleaning).

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 06/06/2015 18:21

oh and you clean it or get a cleaner in.

NinkyNonkers · 06/06/2015 18:30

I'm not sure what the OP has done wrong here to be called awful?

Original poster
Booboostoo · 06/06/2015 18:43

I am a bit lost as to why I am awful?!

Last time we were on holiday the nanny's mum and sister visited. She had asked us if they could stay in our cottage and we said yes. I do think if she had wanted to say no to FIL staying she had that option and it would not have been a problem.

While she is the nanny/cleaner/groom she does not do all the nannying/cleaning/grooming. I am SAHM and together we look after two children, four horses and assorted small animals. Duties vary but it is not unusual for her to be be ridding while I am cleaning with the baby for example. Neither of us feel demeaned or exploited by any of the aspects of the jobs we share and she has been working for us for two years and has plans to stay long term.

I am not sure why I am awful. We have two small cottages, neither has room for guests when we are all here.

OP posts:
alltoomuchrightnow · 06/06/2015 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WellErrr · 06/06/2015 18:49

Your dh sounds awful and not very classy because of his appalling attitude towards how employees should be treated.

Read through the thread if you need clarification as to why.

alltoomuchrightnow · 06/06/2015 18:49

Just send them to live in the cellar of your stately home, am sure you have a spare one or two you forgot about.

Bunbaker · 06/06/2015 18:50

I don't think posters think you are awful. It is the attitude your husband seems to have. It is 2015 not Downton Abbey or Upstairs Downstairs.

Is there not a spare bedroom in your house?

WellErrr · 06/06/2015 18:50

I am so so angry on her behalf. Having been in a similar position in a tied cottage on more than one occasion, I cannot for a moment consider any of my former employers behaving as your dh is proposing.

What is his reaction to the thread I wonder?

undoubtedly · 06/06/2015 18:51

You are absolutely right your husband is not coming across well.

I'd like your life, incidentally...

WellErrr · 06/06/2015 18:52

It is 2015 not Downton Abbey

I can't see Lord Grantham behaving so poorly tbh! Julian Fellowes knows his etiquette.

sadwidow28 · 06/06/2015 18:53

boobostoo - you are NOT awful. In fact your OP was asking whether you were being unreasonable for WANTING to clean the cottage when your DH disagreed with your suggestion.

I hope the MNetters have convinced you that it is your DH who is unreasonable and not you.

Athenaviolet · 06/06/2015 18:53

Dh is being vvvvv unreasonable!

Spadequeen · 06/06/2015 18:57

Your dh is being a twat, you on the other hand sound lovely.

Royalsighness · 06/06/2015 19:03

Can I come and live at your house please

Original poster
Booboostoo · 06/06/2015 19:04

As I think I made it clear in my OP I am not seriously wondering whether I am BU. I am fairly certain DH is an arse and was hoping that showing him this thread might help him see the error of his ways.

Why must we have a really large home? We do not have a spare bedroom and neither does next door. When next door had guests while we were away they used our bedrooms, so it did not seem out of order to ask for the same favour (I am also in their cottage daily feeding their cat). In the past we used DD's bedroom for guests as she co-slept but she has finally moved into her own room and we didn't want to upset this by taking her back in our bedroom.

Such is the life of the aristocracy apparently!

OP posts:
kittensinmydinner · 06/06/2015 19:05

Op, you sound absolutely lovely. Your DH is not a twat just looking for an excuse not to clean. I work ft and I wouldn't look forward to cleaning on my weekend off - but the bottom line is its his df , so his job and has to suck it up or pay for a cleaner. Their are two people who's job it ISNT. Nanny and you !

Gabilan · 06/06/2015 19:12

"If I was the nanny and came back to FIL dirty sheets and mess I'd not say anything but I'd be looking for a new employer."

Yep, me too. Either leave it as you found it (plus wine, bread, milk) or you will shortly be looking for a new employee.

sadwidow28 · 06/06/2015 19:15

Waves to Mr booboostoo when he's reading this thread....

The MN judgement is that YOU ARE BEING UNREASONABLE and the cottage must be clean and tidy ready for your employees to return. Now Mrs booboostoo has very kindly offered to help, but it is NOT her job to do alone. You have to muck in as well.

Got it?

ConferencePear · 06/06/2015 19:20

I agree with sadwidow - and don't forget the bottle of wine.

Shadow1986 · 06/06/2015 19:30

You clean it, obviously.

Pretty shocked your husband thinks that's reasonable. I wouldn't like to be employed by someone who lacked respect for me like that.

sadwidow28 · 06/06/2015 19:34

You are all correct about wine and flowers ..... but, can I add a twist?

We used to feed our neighbours' cats when they went away (and change the litter tray) but the most thoughtful thing they found was returning to bread, milk, butter, cooked ham and cheese in the fridge so they could make a sandwich and have a cup of tea as they arrived back home after their flight.

Mr Booboostoo MN have put that little bit of thoughtful shopping on YOUR job list.

Okay?

tobysmum77 · 06/06/2015 19:35

kittens no he is a twat.

wibbleywee · 06/06/2015 19:37

You should never have asked to use her home in the first place. Very rude of you as I doubt she felt like she could have refused.

cashewnutty · 06/06/2015 19:42

wibbleywee OP has already said that the nanny has used her cottage in a reciprocal agreement when they have been away. It sounds like they have two very small cottages next door to each other. It is not rude at all. What would be rude would be to not change the sheets and clean it before she comes back.

Original poster
Booboostoo · 06/06/2015 19:44

wibbleywee just to clarify do you think I was as rude as she was in asking to use my home for her guests or ruder? Since she asked first and I had no problem with this, I thought it was ok to ask as well. I did try to make it clear that she was free to refuse and I hope she felt that way.

OP posts: