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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pissed off at being called fat

83 replies

OneDoneOneBun · 05/06/2015 14:57

I'm 11 weeks pregnant with my second baby so almost 3 months and am still wearing size 10 clothes, your meant to show sooner with second pregnancies aren't you? Before I got pregnant the first time around I was bulimic and would puke up every single thing I ate and take loads of laxatives and was very skinny and ill, as soon as I found out I was pregnant I stopped, it was hard but I wouldn't harm my baby in any way. Anyway it's took a lot for me to get here and I feel healthy, I don't think size 10 when 3 months pregnant is that bad but the doctor I went to see today made me feel absolutely shit saying "because you're overweight" I just think that it's comments like that that would have probably started me off being sick again if I wasn't pregnant.

OP posts:
Klayden · 05/06/2015 20:19

I posted up thread that I had. I've lived with a very serious one for most of my life. I still struggle. I said that I later overweight and how painful I found it to address. It didn't change the reality and it hurts.

Klayden · 05/06/2015 20:19

**later became

Wombat22 · 05/06/2015 20:20

Blimey. I can't believe what you're saying to the op. She has told us that she was previously bulimic, she is pregnant and some posters are giving her a hard time for weighing 9st 9?
WTF?
OP I hope all goes well with your pregnancy. Don't take all this shit to heart Thanks

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 05/06/2015 20:20

Christ! OP has an eating disorder, but yeah, don't mince your words or anything Hmm

The doctor should have been less blunt. I very much doubt you being a smidgen over the green is causing all of your sorrows. You're growing a human being and you've done so well in getting yourself to this point for the health of your baby, you should be bloody proud of yourself.

Wombat22 · 05/06/2015 20:24

*what some are saying

LobsterQuadrille · 05/06/2015 20:26

OP, I totally sympathise. I was recovering from bulimia when I was pregnant and actually asked the doctor not to tell me how much I weighed as I was fearful that it would trigger a relapse. An eating disorder is hell to go through and get over, and you've done really well with that so please don;t worry about an insensitive doctor. I only put on 10lbs when I was pregnant, probably due to some subconscious voice telling me that eating was bad - it's not something you can just shake off - luckily DD was 7lbs but I was told towards the end that she would only weigh 3lbs and started beating myself up very badly. It didn't help that DP (at the time) told me I would look "terrible fat"(!)

Enjoy your pregnancy and try not to get on the scales (I appreciate this was at the doctors). You can sort all that out when you have a lovely healthy baby.

lilacblossomtime · 05/06/2015 20:34

Op I am 5' too and the maximum healthy weight is 9stone so you are only 9lbs over that with possibly some of that being pregnancy weight, say at least 2lb. Therefore you are very slightly overweight and if you were not pregnant it would drop off in a few weeks easily, but it is important not to diet in pregnancy, just eat healthy and take light exercise. I wonder if you are a bit bloated with a large bump and this is making you look bigger. I would be sure to cut out chocolate then go back to GP and say you have tried this as advised, but migraines still there.

cotswolds5 · 05/06/2015 20:35

Op your weight is fine. You are not fat. Bmi of 20 to 25 always used to be healthy range so you are almost within that range. You have done really well to beat your eating disorder and those saying size 10 is huge should be bloody ashamed of themselves. An idiot said this to my sister when she was 20. I spent my teenage years watching her starve and purge herself and watching my mum crying her eyes out. 30 years later she is a "healthy" bmi but has hardly any of her teeth, is anaemic, has bone problems and still has a really limited unhealthy diet.
Yet at a size 18 I must be morbidly obese if a size 10 is so huge. Yet my diet is healthy and I go to the gym regularly.

Gabilan · 05/06/2015 20:38

OK OP, by my calculation from what you've said your BMI is 26. The doctor was giving a technical definition of what is currently defined as "overweight". They should have been a lot more sensitive, since presumably they have access to your records and know the issues with an ED.

Please don't let this tip you into thinking you're "fat". Also, take heart in the fact that recent research suggests that our medical definitions of what counts as overweight are a bit screwed up. Having a BMI of between 25 and 30 is not necessarily associated with increased health risks www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/why-being-overweight-means-you-live-longer-the-way-scientists-twist-the-facts-10158229.html

YANBU and your doctor was a bit insensitive.

Esssss · 05/06/2015 20:43

OP I do think you've had some harsh responses here. Just focus on staying on the right track regarding your eating disorder. You're doing brilliantly and being so conscious of not harming your baby is a great sign that you'll be a fab mum.

I think it's hard to make a judgement about what your doctor said without actually being there. The difficult thing I found about being pregnant and struggling with my anorexic/bulimic voice was that I didn't have control over what was going on in my body.

I personally don't think it's helpful counting the pounds going on unless you know you are over eating. People put on weight at different rates during pregnancy. Just focus on eating healthily and getting some gentle exercise.

And be kind to yourself, get some support from other people who have similar experiences.

mileend2bermondsey · 05/06/2015 20:45

Clothes sizes mean fuck all. I wish people would get their heads around that. I can wear anything from a size 10 to an 18. It means NOTHING. Just look at the women claiming 'I'm a size 12!' with their muffin tops pouring over their trousers. But they've got them on so theyre a size 12 Hmm.

Im 6ft, obviously my body frame is larger than someone who is 5ft, I'll probably never get into a size 8. Yet a 5ft person can fit into a size 8, simply because their body frame is smaller than mine, yet I may be much slimmer than them. Clothes sizes are bollocks.

Usernamegone · 05/06/2015 20:57

BMI is not considered to be accurate for those under 5 foot or women who are pregnant.

The doctor didn't weigh or measure the OP. I would have though that if he was concerned about her weight he would have done this.

The OP states her boobs have got massive since she is pregnant. Maybe she was wearing a loose flowing top and it made her look bigger? Maybe the OP was a bit bloated or had some water retention?

Mandatorymongoose · 05/06/2015 20:59

People are odd.

It's very weird the Dr didn't bother to weigh you before announcing you were overweight. Given you've put on a little with pregnancy and you still only weight 9st 9lbs you can't exactly look huge.

Also I think other people on this thread might want to remember that different people carry weight differently too. Awomb I'm the same height as you - I look fine at 9st, I would be a size 8 in most shops for trousers at that weight, still a 10 on top because of my boobs. If I get down to 8st I look ok but a bit boney, anything lower than that for me and I really start to look ill.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/06/2015 21:28

OP... I would hide this thread if I were you, this isn't a suitable forum for people posting about any kind of eating disorders.

bluesbaby · 05/06/2015 21:29

OP don't even give this guy and his comments another thought. He's obviously just a bit of a twat. If he was concerned he would have weighed you. As it is, he doesn't even actually know if you're medically overweight, so stuff him. Even if you are heavier than normal, so what? You're carrying your second baby.
I'm a fellow shawty (5 foot on the nose) and know the struggles. I've had one doc tell me to lose weight at 9 stone (still fitting into size 6-8, doc shaking his head condescendingly as if I don't know I've got love handles, boobs and bum), and I've had another doc tell me I was fine at 10 stone, not to worry too much about dieting, and that she'd love to have my figure!
I think GPs can be knobs just as much as anybody can be.

HumphreyCobbler · 05/06/2015 21:38

I agree with LyingWitch OP, I really would hide this thread.

I can't believe all those people at the start saying SUCH insensitive things to someone who has just stated that they have recovered from an eating disorder.

jani64 · 05/06/2015 21:45

OP, I suffered from bulimia for several years and really struggled when pregnant. I understand exactly what you mean when you say it's taken a lot for you to get where you are now. This is a real achievement and you should congratulate yourself. Hold on to the fact that you feel healthy and that your body is nourishing your baby. Hope the migraines are soon under control.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/06/2015 22:04

I've reported this to MNHQ. If you've never suffered from disordered eating then you'll never know or even possibly have the tiniest clue about the misery and the impact the wrong words can have, even those clumsily made by the medical profession.

Some of the sledgehammer posters on this thread are so cognisant about SN and people with other vulnerabilities, it's really quite shocking to see such dismissive and almost spiteful posting to a pregnant and clearly upset woman who has overcome much to fit her mind and body for healthy pregnancy.

Flowers for you OP, I understand.

mileend2bermondsey · 05/06/2015 22:09

I honestly don't see any posts that have been 'disgusting' or 'spiteful'.

OP asked, AIBU to be pissed off about being called fat.
Posters responded yes because 1) she was not called fat, she was called overweight (by her doctor not some random in the street). 2) she IS overweight based on BMI.
Soooo, not sure why any of that is disgusting or spiteful.

Wombat22 · 05/06/2015 22:10

Well done LyingWitch

PoppyShakespeare · 05/06/2015 22:17

good job Lying

people are stupid

BiscuitMillionaire · 05/06/2015 22:24

OP: I don't think it was a very wise thing to do, to post in AIBU regarding the Dr calling you overweight, when you know this is a very sensitive subject for you.

Take care of yourself and your growing baby, I hope the migraines improve. Flowers

lilacblossomtime · 05/06/2015 22:27

I actually think the OP had a great attitude about this. Remember OP, fat is a feminist issue. Stay strong and grow that baby.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/06/2015 22:28

mileend... I'm only posting now in the hope that people will see the later posts and think before posting.

I get that you don't see anything wrong with the posts. I'm happy for you. If you did, you'd possibly have suffered disordered eating yourself because it would resonate for you like cymbals clashing together.

There are lots of posts and threads on MN about BMI and 'overweight', 'overeating', 'bingeing' and so on. People use these terms quite blithely and call themselves all manner of names linking in terms related to body shape/weight. They can laugh about them and there's no intent to cause anything more than a little jibe here and there. People can be catty about each other when it comes to weight and size, sometimes it's laughed off and sometimes it cuts in.

When you read a thread that references an eating disorder it's a different animal, it just is. Throw a pregnancy into the mix and it has the potential to destabilise. I'm not saying that OP is at risk, but I'm saying that she's vulnerable and she's said herself that she's upset - by the doctor and by posters here. What's not to understand exactly?

I'm not trying to lecture you or anybody else but OP's posted that she's upset so perhaps people will temper their posts a bit.

ihatethecold · 05/06/2015 22:33

Op. I suffered horrendous migraines when pregnant and weighed about 8st at 5ft 2.
It's not automatically being caused by what your doctor said.