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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that I shouldn't have to explain rape to my 9 year old

21 replies

SillyStuffBiting · 03/06/2015 21:41

2 boys in ds class at school threatened to rape a girl after school. They are p5, all 9 or 10.

How awful.

The girls mum was understandably fuming over it all.

DS heard what had happened and I sat and explained what rape was, why it was such an awful thing to say and answered any questions as much as I could.

That poor girl.

They are 9 Where does that even come from?

OP posts:

User100 · 03/06/2015 21:48

That's terrible. Sounds like you handled it as best you could. Obvious I know but make sure you tell the school (unless you know the girls mum has or something) because they will want to address this early to make clear it's unacceptable.

Theycallmemellowjello · 03/06/2015 21:51

Oh how awful . I'd want to know how the school was going to address it.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 03/06/2015 21:53

Sadly it's being a trendy thing to say in schools it's usually refered to as that idiotic thing banter.

RolyPolierThanThou · 03/06/2015 21:54

The boys may not even have known what rape meant, either. Just knew it to be a powerful word.

Horrid what kids overhear and repeat.

fiveacres · 03/06/2015 21:56

Oh, when I was teaching it wasn't unusual to hear RAPE shouted as 'any unwanted contact' (ie someone knocked into them or something.) That and "paedo"

Having said that, my eight year old does know what rape is, in loose terms anyway.

ScorpioMermaid · 04/06/2015 14:16

I've had to loosely explain paedo to my sons in y3 and y4 as they thought it was really funny to call EVERYONE one after hearing it at school. they now understand it as not an appropriate word to call people.

It's horrible having to explain these things when they hear them.

cashewnutty · 04/06/2015 14:18

In my experience they get it from playing unsuitable games - usually Grand Theft Auto. The don't know what it means so are not actually threatening to rape anyone but it is horrible to hear from such young children.

budgiegirl · 04/06/2015 14:22

When my son was 10, a boy in his class sent him a text message threatening to rape him. Luckily we know the boy's parents and we all sat down together to discuss what this meant, and how it was not appropriate.

I don't think either of them really fully understood what it meant, until we explained.

BathshebaDarkstone · 04/06/2015 14:23

Oh how horrible.

BarbarianMum · 04/06/2015 14:24

Mine are boys, 9 and 7. So far I've explained: gay, retard, wank, wanker, AIDS, fuck and paedo. Where possible I try and do it premptively (ie when I hear that it's being bandied about the playground, not when it comes out of their mouths). I think knowledge is power though, and much as I don't like it, it is not very different from when I was at school (except the racial epithets are largely missing).

JessiePinkman · 04/06/2015 14:28

Boy in ds year 5 kept asking the girls to suck his cock god there was an uproar
I can about it now I mean he was 9 he didn't even get the nuances of what he was saying

HamishBamish · 04/06/2015 14:32

I think it's likely that children use these words without actually knowing what they mean.

It is appalling that 9yo's would say it though and terrible that you have had to explain it to your daughter OP.

violetwellies · 04/06/2015 14:56

There's a good chance a sizable number of these kids have seen online pornography and have an understanding of Ord and the action.
Until we face up to that I can only see things getting worse.

violetwellies · 04/06/2015 14:57

Word not Ord, autocorrect is on one - again

BarbarianMum · 04/06/2015 15:02

Perhaps you're right, tough thankfully amongst my children and their friends it is definately a case of using words they've heard in order to seem cool or clever.

Having said which I had a rather depressing conversation w friends recently which revealed the lack of browsing protection on their kids/family devices (only 2 of us had installed it) so that may soon change.

Actually, thinking about it, it may be time to sit my 9 year old down and start talking about the serious stuff .

susyot · 04/06/2015 15:10

My daughter age 9 asked me what does rapist mean. A boy in her class had called her it whilst they were playing some sort of competitive game in a group. I did explain in brief terms but also did a bit of digging.

The boy is generally nice to everyone and is not a bully. I asked if he was into gaming and she wasn't sure but knew he had an x-box. I then explained that he probably didn't know what the word meant and explained how these types of words are used online inappropriately.

I then spoke to her teacher the next day who planned to speak to his parents.

I was quite shocked but immediately suspected it was online gaming related. I remember when "gay" started being thrown around online and the number of players who couldn't grasp why using gay instead of bad/crap was a bad thing. Sadly, this is a continuation of the same mindset.

wigglesrock · 04/06/2015 15:14

I would have known what the word rape meant at 9. I remember my mum explaining it to me when we were talking about To Kill a Mocking Bird. My almost 10 year old knows what rape is, we've talked about consent as part of talking about sex.

Radiatorvalves · 04/06/2015 20:42

I was asked by DS aged 10 about rape in the contèxt of Ched Evans. I tried to explain without too much detail.

5Foot5 · 04/06/2015 22:26

It sounds like you handled it well.

I think it is not unusual for children of that age to be asking those questions though so maybe YAB a bit U for thinking you shouldn't have to explain it to a 9 year old.

I remember DD being that age or younger when she read the newspaper over my shoulder and asked what a paedophile was.

Actually I remember when she was 4 or 5 and the TV was on and the news headline said there had been a rape in Stockport. She was obviously paying attention and I braced myself for a difficult question. However the question, when it came, was "Where is Stockport?" I got off light that time.

trashcanjunkie · 04/06/2015 23:35

God maybe I'm weird but all three of mine knew what rape meant from from an early ish age. My youngest two are currently ten, and have definitely understood exactly what rape is for at least a couple of years. Mine are all boys, and I feel very strongly it's my responsibility to educate them about all aspects of sex, with consent being part of that, which has led quite naturally into discussions about force. I also have talked about their own bodies and never feeling like they have to do something, or let people touch them if they are uncomfortable. I've never pushed the subject, but if they have brought up things or had questions, I will go into it as fully as possible, stopping every now and then to gauge their response and check they are still interested. The conversations tend to occur when we're in the car and driving. We're now at the stage were we are discussing contraception, sex as something they will explore for themselves when they're older with someone they fancy, trust, etc. and I still drum home the message about consent and all that comes with it.

ByeByeButterfly · 04/06/2015 23:39

They've most likely been left to their own devices and allowed to watch/play things for adults.

Although horrible not bad to let someone young know bad things others can say/do and how they are not OK/what to do if such a thing happened.

I doubt they meant it - just wanted to scare her but still I don't blame her parents for being upset.

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