School friend's poor wedding excuse?

[krystellie]

Despite sending the 'Save the Date' letter out months ago, a (supposedly) good friend from school has just contacted me to say she can't come to our wedding the day before the RSVP deadline as she has just booked a holiday for 3 after our wedding and she hates her job (!)

Is it just me or is this a tad rude? Especially as I had offered to help her with accommodation and she was previously keen to attend?

Difficult to know what to respond with without sounding offended...

She's tactless, but she did decline before RSVP deadline.

It really isn't rude to decline an invitation.
It's understandable to be hurt and confused but if she can't / doesn't want to come then invite someone else.
Can you think why she has done this? Is something up with her?

Perhaps she couldn't get the booking any other time?

You just need to accept that attending your wedding is not a priority in her life. Sorry you can't make it, we'll miss you. Thanks for letting us know.

It sounds like there might be more to this - she could possibly tv stressed / depressed due to things at work at the moment and that might be making it difficult for her to get herself organised with this? Just a thought.

It's not rude to decline an invitation before the RSVP date.

The only thing you should say is that you hope she enjoys her holiday

When working sometimes you have to make compromises as to how you use your a/l - I would say a well needed holiday probably trumps a wedding.

Thanks for the advice everyone. She's always been rather 'unreliable' - not just to me, but other people.

At first she was so excited and keen to attend. Yet now, she seems to have decided she'd rather do something else. I suspect her work situation is getting her down, but she's not the only person to have work troubles.

Luckily most people are still attending!

Family holidays take priority over old school friends weddings for me too.

I only have a certain amount of holiday I can take in a year. And I may be invited to several weddings, it soon eats into available time.

She said no, in good time. You will find that this is good.

I think you're being unfair. It might be the only time she could get off work.and a holiday trumps someone else's wedding

Was there traveling/time off work/child care/financial issues she could be having?

I know she's said she's booked a holiday, but could this be a fib to cover something else?

Attending some weddings can be costly or stressful for some people. That doesn't make her rude. It just makes you disappointed. Which is a different issue altogether.

PS Her holiday is 3 weeks after our wedding and she admits she could make both.

Thanks. I suppose about 15% of people are still to RSVP, so at least she had the manners to do so. Although the 15% are people who have said it is unlikely or have very small children.

On the actual day you won't even notice she's missing. Just reply saying that's a shame and send her some cake.

I don't understand. ''[she] has just contacted me to say she can't come to our wedding ... as she has just booked a holiday for 3 [weeks] after our wedding''

But then you said she has said she could make both.

What is her given reason for not coming to the wedding then?

Weddings are expensive to attend.

I wouldn't put any store in her 'seeming keen', that's just what you do when people talk about their weddings. Don't take people at face value!

She prefers to go on holiday. Now you know!

Maybe the decision is more financial . She might lose her job and is presumably already committed to the cost of a holiday. Perhaps associated costs of attending your wedding are too great. A save the date doesn't commit anyone to attending. Her priorities have changed in the meantime.

Honestly, people declining a wedding invitation before the RSVP date is fine.

I had a few people just not show up to my wedding, I had paid for their food had their places set - that was bloody rude.