to wonder what the fuck to do now? (Immediate financial problem)

[Margaritte]

We are on a very tight budget for the next couple of months. We know this, and have got advice from StepChange & I posted a thread on here for recipe /shopping advice.

However, today our card declined trying to pay for £22 or so worth of shopping. We were not expecting that, and now I am very worried and starting to panic

We have some food in for dinners. No packed lunch food though, for ds1 & 2 and dh. We have no milk (well, enough for a bottle tonight for dd) and are down to 3 nappies.

Payday isn't until end of next week, so have to do something until then.

If your toaster is faulty you won't need a receipt. Fit for purpose clause.

Apologies if this has already been mentioned but search facebook for Buy Nothing. If there is a local group it is a place where people ask for things or gift things with no obligation or exchange involved. No money changes hands at any point. You can ask for specific things (such as nappies for example) or even ask for favours (lifts to work?). Worth a punt if there is one near you. There are lots of lovely people on those sites.

OP call your health visitor tomorrow.

In my area they will give out food bank or tesco vouchers and if they don't have any they call our social work office and we can sometimes sort out something for people (don't worry you won't get a social worker assessment.....unless it happens more than a few times in one year).

Unfortunately we are having to do it more and more these days. Our limits here are up to a maximum of £30 for a family.

I'm also happy to do a little food shop to be sent directly to you, OP if you tell me what you want. I couldn't be further away from you, I think, although I was brought up in Folkestone!

Op please do message me when you get a chance :)

OP, your local church/vicar or salvation army might well be able to help out with a food parcel. They tend not to want to hand out cash because of those who will spin a sob story just to get money for drink or drugs.

try freecycle or free facebook page for a potty

OP, if you PM me I am happy to send a food shop your way too x

The offers to suggest meal-plans with the OP's existing food are great. I hope the OP takes up those offers too.

In certain areas there are local groups helping out. I am part of one called Hope my area name (stands for helping ordinary people everyday) I found it through a local buy and sell page on fb and they basically have admin who handle things. You pm admin if you are struggling and they put a request out for specific things. People donate these and then job done. Basically freecycle but on a very small local scale and where people in need are asking and people freely give.

Your GP, job centre, health visitor, cab can all issue food bank vouchers. I would suggest due to your current medical conditions that gp/nurse etc may be the quickest easiest way but tbh whichever is easiest to get to.

I've been where you are. There is light. Someone on a forum I barely knew sent me a HUGE box of baby clothes covering 3 sizes. I cried for about 30 mins. That made such a difference to me she will never even know. I have since paid this forward as often as I am able.

Glad to see so many offers and don't be afraid to take them. You can do this. People don't offer if they don't want to/can't afford to. Most offering have likely been in your place and are remembering the help they had at that time.

Sorry OP I was out all day yesterday but have PMd you again

OP I know exactly where you are right now and I remember the feeling of dread with every passing minute. My situation was much the same...unexpected DD, no nappies, no basic food, freezing january and no gas to heat my house. I was nc with my family, OH's family totalling unapproachable even though we had an 18 month old who was becoming unwell (a week later was admitted to hospital with pneumonia which I just know was a direct result of living in an igloo). I reached out to the DWP who refused to help as we, on paper, earned ok. I remember posting on another forum, got so many offers off posters asking for my PayPal details so they could forward money to me but, unlike you, I was an absolute idiot and couldn't get past my pride in accepting help from strangers so refused. I kick myself now and wonder if my son would not have become gravely ill if I'd just eaten my shame and embarrassment and accepted even the first offer of £10.

We managed to scrape through following a change of heart from the DWP. I think my scathing email, written in shear desperation and following 3 solid hours of crying (think snot bubbles and everything!) got them to rethink. That very week we went to the CAB and lay everything on the table.....we filed for bankruptcy there and then, there was nothing else we could do. Best thing we ever did IMO. We were discharged last Jan (wrongly stated in another thread that it was 2013, that's when we actually filed not got discharged!) and we are finally in the best position we have ever been in. I never used a food bank, I felt too ashamed to admit the mess we were in, but I now buy a few things extra and put it in the donations box. It's the only way that I feel I can make any kind of difference as my time is now much tighter than my money!

OP if there is a way I can help please PM me. I know payday is next week but, from experience, I know the relief is short lived as chances are this may repeat itself next month. I have been there, for years before now. I just wish I'd not been so pig headed and refused the offers.

OP have sent you a couple of PM's..... hope all is okay. If you get back tom me I will get stuff to you today. Hope you are doing ok? x

When I'm short on money, I'm just food shopping in Iceland online and pay with paypal. My paypal is usually charging my bank account through direct debit and only goes out 3-5 working days later. There was a case with it bouncing back(not enough money in the account), but they tried again some week or two later. So effectively I spent £8 for overdraft.
Anyway, if there's nothing else you can do, this is a good way to get food.

Hello, I'm sorry I wasn't on here much yesterday - I wanted to follow and act on all advice I'd had so far, before coming back on (was overwhelmed and wanted to catch up)

DH managed to sell the bike on FB, and we got £20 for that. I organised what we have in our food cupboards, followed all the links on here and acted on them. Sorted all DVDs out to take to CEX. Found any old clothes (even in the loft) to take to the weigh centre. We found £13 in change around the house, and I have sold the M&S card to a MNetter that PMed me.

I've put the money from the M&S card aside for DS1's bus fares. I had food organised for me this morning, through my PM's and have some organised for tonight. I have a value pack of nappies we bought from change found and more on the way, from lovely MNetter's. I have clothes for DD being posted, and a box of treats from someone who runs an organisation for such things. I have a couple of supermarket vouchers coming too, which will help so much in the upcoming weeks.

We are sorted for nappies. We will have dinner for the next 2 weeks, my DC's have breakfast & a lunch to take with them each day and DS1 has his bus fare for school. I don't want to name anyone, I feel that should stay private, however my DH & I are ever so grateful

I will reply to everyone who asked /suggested / offered since my last post, after I've made the DC some lunch (back to school tomorrow)

Breadstickandhommus I just want to reply to you quickly. Your post tipped me over (extra emotional because of both the stress & all the unexpected, lovely support) and I just spent the last 30minutes blubbing.
Yes, the feeling is so awful, and I understand what you mean about the pride. My face burns for every MNetter I have said yes please too. The food offers, the nappies, the clothes for DD. My I feel myself getting all hot, and my DH is also very ashamed, I know. Its such an overwhelming feeling, both relief and total embarrassment...

..Like you described, we will be like this for the foreseeable future, and I feel like I'm drowning in it, and have no escape. We may need to also do something drastic, and your comment on what you did has made me realise maybe we also need to look into something like that. for you, and I'm so pleased you managed to come out of it & are ok now.

bread your post was very moving, I am so pleased you survived. there's nothing like a post from someone who has lived it

marg I was moved to tears by your post too, not only because of your ongoing situation but because of the level of support you have received from the mumsnet family. its quite mindblowing really.

As for being embarrassed for accepting help, I like what someone else said upthread - people help because they want to and some will have been there themselves. anyhow, it's a two way thing, the giver gets an enormous amount from giving to someone in need. plus its genuine as hell because nobody here is shouting about giving publicly.

I love mumsnet

MargI cant pm on phone, please feel free to msg me, would be very happy to send a voucher, for whatever is your nearest supermarket, many years ago was in a similar situation, had to use t-towels as nappies & sat waiting a whole day in the 'social office' for money for milk, it was an awful time & you & your family have my smypathy, it will get better & I urge you to explore every avenue of support/benefits that you may be entitled too, much love.

Margaritte- I know it's easy to say, but please, please don't feel ashamed or embarrassed.

This may be your situation now, but it won't be for ever, and one day you 'll be able to 'pay it forward'.

Shit happens to all of us, at some point or another.

Agree with the many people who say accept the help without shame and then pay it forward when you can.

I've been on the bones of my arse - I remember holding back tears when I realised DS's shoe had worn through. I wouldn't have got through those days without accepting help. Now I'll always put something in the food bank box or send a donation to a local charity but if I knew someone near me was struggling, I'd gladly help them too.

Just get through the now however you can and think about paying forward when you're in a better position.

Have pm you

What a moving thread, some truly wonderful people on here xxx

Ive also PMd you again OP re click and collect

I think this is the thing isn't it? We are all so conditioned to say "no, I'm fine thanks" when actually, people WANT to help. I learned from being totally cut off by my husband on whom I was completely dependent as I was at home with a toddler that I had to swallow my pride and accept the offers of help that were given to me. I had a friend who regularly left home cooked pies and treats for the kids on the doorstep, one who left flowers and wine a couple of times a week. My best friend put money in my bank account when I had absolutely none because he decided to cut off maintenance. Another friend's husband bought me a year's worth of car tax and replaced the tyres on my car because my husband wouldn't and I couldn't afford it. The kindness shown to me was absolutely astonishing and I will forever be grateful. I have in one way or another been able to pay forward and frankly, the world would be a much better place if everybody was like this. I am so glad you are receiving so much help and as another poster said upthread, Mumsnet is bloody wonderful! Hugs and flowers to all who have pulled together here .

Glad you're sorted for the moment OP. What lovely mumsnetters there are! It's a horrible feeling I know only too well, racking your brain to find ways to survive. There were times when dd1 was little that I would drive around the supermarkets and take any nappies in her size from the changing room, just to see us though the next day or two. And I used to eat 2 slices of cheap white bread a day because I didn't have enough money to feed both me and dd.

Hope you find a long term solution to your problems

My offer is still there OP. Happy to stock your cupboards with cans/basics/toiletries/cleaning necessities.