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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to answer the door in my pj's?

96 replies

Goodgonegirl · 29/05/2015 21:29

Each Friday my DP and I order pizza. It is delivered around 9pm by which time I have usually showered and changed into my pyjamas. When the pizza arrives I open the door and pay/collect in my pj's.

During a conversation yesterday my DP informed me how much he hates this. He thinks I should cover up and put my dressing gown on in case the delivery man can see my nipples! Just for context I am a middle aged woman wearing comfy baggy old pyjamas - nothing sexy or revealing and I cannot understand this attitude! He of course could answer the door himself but he refuses to do this.

Is he being controlling and overreacting or am I doing something wrong? I know this sounds silly but he is still annoyed and I do not know what to do. Stand my ground as I do not think I have done anything wrong or just cover up to make him happy? Opinions gratefully recieved. Thank you.

OP posts:

TedAndLola · 30/05/2015 09:36

YANBU. I change into PJs the moment I get home and I certainly wouldn't get dressed just to answer the door and have a 15-second exchange. If someone sees my nipples through clothing I really couldn't give a shit.

Pagwatch · 30/05/2015 09:45

I have anxiety and I worry about really odd things - things that might seem trivial to others.
But it doesn't help me to have my anxieties catered for. I think it kind of validates them in my head and makes them worse.

Is he getting treatment for them? It sounds as if he is letting them affect his life and his relationship so I think he needs to see a GP/someone.

If it were me I would say 'I wear pyjamas. It's my choice. If you don't like me answering the door then you have to do it.mif that is too much for you then I think you/we need to get you some help'

Heifer · 30/05/2015 09:53

I love wearing PJS around the house. Got to admit that DH doesn't like it because he thinks it's wrong (my Mum would be horrified too and would call it slovenly) but it's my home, my body and my pjs so my choice. I always put my bra on quickly though if the door bell goes... not because of fear of showing nipples, but fear of anyone else seeing my very saggy boobs ;-)

VivienScott · 30/05/2015 10:21

I've known a couple of men refuse to open the door to delivery drivers and NEVER understood why, and they can't explain either. It's damned odd. I also knew a guy who wouldn't order the food on the phone. Men are really odd about takeaways in my experience.

AnyFucker · 30/05/2015 12:37

arsehole men act like that

they see menial tasks like ordering food and getting off the sofa to answer the door as menial tasks, better suited to the wimminz

Lweji · 30/05/2015 19:02

My ex had social anxiety (supposedly) and it fell on me to get to the door for the supermarket delivery (which was why sometimes I'd arrive a tiny bit later :) ), but then he showed how much of an arse he was by expecting me to carry all the bags in and put the stuff away, not that he got away with it easily.

1Morewineplease · 30/05/2015 20:03

If you're expecting someone to come to your house then dress appropriately... It's rude to embarrass people who are just doing their job... If someone asked a plumber to come around should they be in a nightie or swimming costume ( yes I've heard this!) .. PJs are private unless in an emergency. If DH doesn't like you're being in PJs then he should answer the door.

Grumpyoldbiddy · 30/05/2015 20:52

Really? Embarrassed to see someone in their pyjamas? Have we reverted to Victorian times?

Gileswithachainsaw · 30/05/2015 21:11

pyjamas cover. more than clothes. seriously what's the problem.

Dismalfuckers · 30/05/2015 21:12

I can't help it, I don't like it, nightwear is not for public consumption in my book.

And I would never wear it if not in/going to/just up from bed.

I am quite old though. And obviously a bit of a weirdo.

Feeling chastened. But can't change. So sympathise with OP's DH.

Trills · 30/05/2015 21:13

My opinion based on the OP only, to avoid being influenced, apologies if we've moved on.

You shouldn't wear anything that would make the delivery person uncomfortable, assuming that they have reasonable expectations and reasonable "uncomfortable" levels.

Beyond that, it's up to you.

If your DH answered the door in an outift that made you unhappy (maybe he's fully covered but you don't like his ratty dressing gown and think it makes you look grotty/slovenly), wouldn't you expect him to make an effort to dress a bit differently if expecting to answer the door?

It's not as if this is a surprise knock on the door - you've ordered something that you know will be delivered.

woollytights · 31/05/2015 00:21

Bloody harsh replies here about the bloke.

Sounds like your pjs may be just a lot more revealing than you think. Not unreasonable for him to feel awkward about that.

Theycallmemellowjello · 31/05/2015 00:28

I think it's a bit rude to answer the door in pajamas. Also why are you eating dinner in them

ZeddyByeBye · 31/05/2015 01:03

I wear PJs in the house- they're a lot easier to wash and dry than jeans!

brusselsproutwarning · 31/05/2015 01:22

Oh pipe down.A lot of mean replies here!
Get that your dh suffers from anxiety, but don't understand how his anxiety suffers if it you who has to open the front door and talk to this delivery man? wear your Pyjamas and I wouldn't be listening to dh on this matter .

KoalaDownUnder · 31/05/2015 02:13

Pssst, Dismal - I feel the same! Maybe we're both weirdos. PJs are for bed only, in my world - I'd throw on jeans and a t-shirt if I was expecting a delivery of anything.

I still don't think the OP's husband gets to dictate what she does, though!

Redglitter · 31/05/2015 02:13

I can't see what's rude in opening the door in your pjs. My pj's are long trousers and a long tshirt top. no different to joggy trousers and a tshirt. If I'm home relaxing then I want to be as comfy as possible so pjs it is. No delivery drivers have seem at all perturbed when I open the door to them

Lweji · 31/05/2015 06:26

I'm amazed that people would actually put on jeans just to answer the door.

Pjs must have magical bed properties.

They are just clothes. You know, fabric, that covers your body.

It's not like the OP answers the door on her lingerie. And even so, I get a bit more cover from my usual underwear than from what I wear on the beach.

FeijoaSundae · 31/05/2015 08:32

Oh Christ, it's lucky that no man with anxiety issues has crossed paths with me, because I simply do not have the patience for that kind of shiz. He is very lucky to have you put up with him.

Either he answers the door himself - and given that that is seemingly impossible - he accepts you answering the door in whatever attire you deem suitable.

I'm another one that wouldn't answer the door in my PJs, but if you do, then you shouldn't change simply because he finds it so unacceptable.

How someone with anxiety manages to find it within himself to be so anxious bossy and controlling is quite the miracle, but whatever....

mumeeee · 31/05/2015 13:09

I've answered the door in my pyjamas before but that's when I've had a delivery in the morning before I'm up. I still put my dressing gown on. I wouldn't get into my Pyjamas before 9pm if I was expecting a take away to be delivered then. I like to eat my evening meal in my day clothes.

ScorpioMermaid · 31/05/2015 13:16

He's a knob. dh and I both answer in our pjs if we order takeout we don't answer together ykwim you're not naked what's the problem?

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