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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to answer the door in my pj's?

96 replies

Goodgonegirl · 29/05/2015 21:29

Each Friday my DP and I order pizza. It is delivered around 9pm by which time I have usually showered and changed into my pyjamas. When the pizza arrives I open the door and pay/collect in my pj's.

During a conversation yesterday my DP informed me how much he hates this. He thinks I should cover up and put my dressing gown on in case the delivery man can see my nipples! Just for context I am a middle aged woman wearing comfy baggy old pyjamas - nothing sexy or revealing and I cannot understand this attitude! He of course could answer the door himself but he refuses to do this.

Is he being controlling and overreacting or am I doing something wrong? I know this sounds silly but he is still annoyed and I do not know what to do. Stand my ground as I do not think I have done anything wrong or just cover up to make him happy? Opinions gratefully recieved. Thank you.

OP posts:
TheBeagleHasLanded · 29/05/2015 23:47

Your tits, your decision.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 29/05/2015 23:47

Answering the door in your knickers with your hands over your boobs really is a step too far.

Maybe she was trying to seduce him?

Fatmomma99 · 30/05/2015 00:01

Why aren't you paying for takeaway on card, so you only have to take the delivery off him?

This whole "suffers from anxiety" sounds very like "he's awful jealous" which, to me, is a hairs-breath away from DV ("because, you know, you were flirting.. he was looking at you"). I find jealousy an indulgence. Sorry if this isn't sympathetic and should be... but he needs to get over himself... Sounds like a first world problem to me.

Either he answers the door, or you do, and he shouldn't judge you on that. And sounds like your lovely Friday night routine is being trashed by a ridiculous issue.

ClawofBumhead · 30/05/2015 00:03

Tell him you respect his opinion, and it is a compelling reason he should get off his arsecond and answer the door himself in future.

ClawofBumhead · 30/05/2015 00:03

Haha, arsecond? Are

ClawofBumhead · 30/05/2015 00:04

*Arse! ffs

thefourgp · 30/05/2015 00:08

I asked him if he thought she was trying to seduce him but he said no. He thinks she answered in a panic and seemed just as embarrassed as he was.

HellKitty · 30/05/2015 00:08

I missed a parcel so DP had to collect it from the main office. He had no proof of our living in sin-ness and him and the postie on the desk were wondering what to do. Another postie look over and said, 'oh Ms HellKitty? Long dark hair and wears a tiger onesie?'

At least PJs don't have a tail.

Redglitter · 30/05/2015 00:16

I wear pjs unless I'm going out. At last count I had 14 pairs so they're changed regularly. Soon as I come home if I'm in for the day it's pjs on and hair up. Can't beat it. I may not get dressed till I go to work on Monday night now.

Postman, takeaway delivery man, courier etc all see me in my pjs. So far no fatalities as a result

Lovelydiscusfish · 30/05/2015 00:18

I'm sorry about your dh's anxiety issues - have a couple of people close to me at the moment who suffer with anxiety, and know how tough it can be. Is he accessing any treatment at the moment?

Re the takeaway delivery thing, my own dh probably on some level feels the same! He is far more fussy than I am about what people see him wearing. We are both in pjs by the time takeaway turns up, it's not even an option for him to go to the door, so if he does even have any hint of a problem with me going in what I'm wearing, at the very least he doesn't dare say so. If he did, he could cock off, a thousand times!

Lweji · 30/05/2015 00:27

I hate this pyjamas are ok for at home attitude: if you're up, then just wear clothes.

Surely pjs are clothes.

The other day DS left his pj top on and nobody even noticed.

Anyway, agreeing that your OH needs to go to the door, although that would still be an acknowledgement that he is right. He should trust your judgement.
If he has anxiety issues, then he should talk to his GP to get help. Not go on about pjs and nipples.

ChanandlerBongsNeighbour · 30/05/2015 00:48

Haha we call them 'apartment pants' in our house and I change into them as soon as I'm in for the night! Takeaway delivery people will certainly have seen worse! YANBU!

Nanny0gg · 30/05/2015 00:52

I would always put a dressing gown on over pyjamas.

However, I don't like answering the door in my dressing gown either.

Redglitter · 30/05/2015 00:54

Apartment pants ~ I like that Grin

HelenF350 · 30/05/2015 02:31

I used to deliver pizza many moons ago and I can assure you that many people answer the door in their pjs and sometimes a lot less! I can't say it would bother any of us drivers. I more than once had a guy answer in nothing but a pair of boxers! Only once were the boxers not quite fastened at the front which made for a slightly uncomfortable conversation! Grin

yearofthegoat · 30/05/2015 02:47

My pjs are tracksuit bottoms and rugby tops or t shirts, so look just like normal clothes. Similarly my DDs wear shorts and t shirts as pjs. How about getting some more clothes-like pjs and then everyone would be happy?

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 30/05/2015 03:06

Maybe he's seen a dodgy porno that starts with a young innocent pizza delivery boy being greeted by a woman clad in her PJs with visible nipples....?

Jengnr · 30/05/2015 04:04

He's being a bell. Tell him to shut it. If he has a problem he can get off his arse and until then you'll do what you want.

Koalafications · 30/05/2015 04:23

Your DH is being ridiculous, OP. Wear whatever the hell you want to answer the front door.

I love wearing my PJ's at home, so much more comfortable.

BettyCatKitten · 30/05/2015 05:24

I work nights, so window cleaner, bin men, gas man, postal worker etc etc etc have all seen me in my pjs. I've even gone to the school in my pj top (with coat over) as cba to get dressed Grin
This is more about your DH, does he have a diagnosis?
Or is it can'topenthedoortopizzamanitis?

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 30/05/2015 07:31

PJs are constructed in the same way out of the same materials, nylon, cotton, polyester etc as regular clothes. A long nightie and a sundress are basically the same garment but with a different print. A pair of knit pj trousers are basically tracksuit bottoms. A flannel shirt is the same as a flannel shirt but with pink flying pigs instead of plaid. A tshirt top is a tshirt top. If it is more revealing than the clothes you would normally be worn then there is a good point. If it is the same then the print shouldn't matter a jot.

stripytees · 30/05/2015 08:10

I've suffered from anxiety that was around what other people think of how I do things or worrying I will seem weird - so I can understand your DP. But I also think it's important for him to realise that actually the pizza guy doesn't care, and even if he does, so what?

I open the door in my PJs to unexpected deliveries, window cleaner etc. If I'm expecting Ocado to arrive or order a take away I'm usually dressed (even if they are home clothes like leggings and a sweater) but that's just personal preference. Have seen neighbours outside in their PJs and dressing gowns though.

Gileswithachainsaw · 30/05/2015 08:18

Yanbu.

are people really meant to remain fully dressed til 11 o clock at night on the off chance a dp fancies a pizza? really? pyjamas are what I would expect to find people in should I call early morning or late evening or at all over the weekend

maybe delivery people shouldn't he allowed to wear shorts either, just in case all these lusty women deliberately wearing pyjamas jump them Hmm

is it really anxiety or is he just being a lazy arse hole and controlling on top.

sounds more like a convenient excuse to exhibit Controlling accusatory behaviour to me

AlternativeTentacles · 30/05/2015 08:25

I have a set of lounge wear [basically pjs] that go on as soon as I know I am not leaving the house again.

I have also worked from home for [mumble mumble] years and have answered the door in the daytime in pjs for pretty much all those years. I often come down at 6:30, and work through til Mark Radcliffe at 1 and then get dressed.

OP - you say that's another thread. Perhaps you need to rethink your actual relationship if he is trying to control you via 'I can't answer the door and you must answer the door in the manner that I dictate'. It's not just the door/pjs is it?

MerynFuckingTrant · 30/05/2015 09:18

YANBU. I change into pjs at about 7pm.
I sympathise with your DH a bit because I have suffered anxiety in the past to the extent that answering a door was difficult for me (I still did it though if I had to) but the telling you what to wear has fuck all to do with anxiety, it's just being an arsehole.
Wear what you like, if it bothers him then he can answer door.