Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to answer the door in my pj's?

96 replies

Goodgonegirl · 29/05/2015 21:29

Each Friday my DP and I order pizza. It is delivered around 9pm by which time I have usually showered and changed into my pyjamas. When the pizza arrives I open the door and pay/collect in my pj's.

During a conversation yesterday my DP informed me how much he hates this. He thinks I should cover up and put my dressing gown on in case the delivery man can see my nipples! Just for context I am a middle aged woman wearing comfy baggy old pyjamas - nothing sexy or revealing and I cannot understand this attitude! He of course could answer the door himself but he refuses to do this.

Is he being controlling and overreacting or am I doing something wrong? I know this sounds silly but he is still annoyed and I do not know what to do. Stand my ground as I do not think I have done anything wrong or just cover up to make him happy? Opinions gratefully recieved. Thank you.

OP posts:
ProvisionallyAnxious · 29/05/2015 22:00

AnyFucker

Dismalfuckers · 29/05/2015 22:01

I hate this pyjamas at home stuff.

It would depress me.

I put nightwear on for bed, and can understand how this is not viewed as clothing for public viewing. I would never ever wear nightwear to answer door.

I wouldn't like dh to answer door in his nightwear either.

AnyFucker · 29/05/2015 22:01

well, I wouldn't want to make any pronouncements about his mental health or lack of it

but I wouldn't consider criticising you because you wear pj's around the house and refusing to answer the door to collect his own pizza to be a symptom of anxiety

i would say that was arseholitis

Ratbagcatbag · 29/05/2015 22:01

Moment I get in from work, it's pjs on, I answer the door, put the bin out, nip to the car etc. I dropped my dss off earlier. I didn't get changed, just stuck a coat over my pjs.

Off the top of my head, people in the last month who've seen me in pjs:
Chinese delivery guy
Pizza delivery guy
Postman
Courier delivery
Window cleaner
Wheelie bin cleaner
Assorted neighbours
Best mate who popped in fir a catch up.

ZanyMobster · 29/05/2015 22:01

I am in my PJs as soon as I know I will not be leaving the house for the rest of the day which means I often answer the door dressed like that. If I have some girlfriends round for wine and takeaway they often show up in their pjs too.

DH is also usually in his 'loungers' so he doesn't care and I think it sounds quite controlling to dictate what you can or can't wear to answer the door especially as he won't answer it himself.

I once answered the door to a couple of police officers when I wearing some Christmas pjs, they looked very young and I was quite embarrassed given that it was about March Blush. DH has been known to go out for emergency chocolate supplies in his pjs too, we have no shame!

ProvisionallyAnxious · 29/05/2015 22:02

Goodgonegirl

More seriously - my DP has anxiety issues and I find that line hard as well. To some extent I want to ensure he is protected from the things that cause him anxiety but that can also become limiting sometimes. He is getting help, though. Has your DP had counselling, or looked at the NHS books on prescription for anxiety? I think when you start avoiding certain activities then it's anxiety that could do with being treated.

YsabellStoHelit · 29/05/2015 22:02

If he doesn't want to answer the door he should pipe down. I can't see how it matters? Most PJS are way less revealing than a lot of clothes Hmm

BertieBotts · 29/05/2015 22:02

God no to the second. Unless you genuinely don't mind. But no, why should you get changed to answer the door if you feel comfortable?

I can't abide wearing clothes at home. PJs all the way! If I could go out in PJs, I would. So comfy.

A relationship should enhance your life, not add to the stress in it.

Dismalfuckers · 29/05/2015 22:03

I am clearly out of touch with the world.

Would never wear pjs in public. Even in hospital. Yeughhhh.

But each to their own..,

BertieBotts · 29/05/2015 22:04

Yes, quite, each to their own Confused

Boomerwang · 29/05/2015 22:05

He's a wet lettuce. YANBU I would do the same. I couldn't give a rats arse what a pizza delivery guy thinks of my clothing.

Dismalfuckers · 29/05/2015 22:07

Does no one feel vulnerable in nightwear? Is it just me?

BertieBotts · 29/05/2015 22:08

Vulnerable how?

SewingAndCakes · 29/05/2015 22:09

I get into my pyjamas as soon as I can. I've taken the bins out, moved my car off the drive, and answered the door in them. If DH doesn't like it, tough. I can't stand the feeling of my bra digging in and I have to feel comfortable.

AliMonkey · 29/05/2015 22:10

Anyfucker - I have a son with anxiety that manifests itself in what sometimes seem like ridiculous ways so I would say that it's impossible to judge that.

If the OP being in her PJs is actually making him anxious then maybe she shouldn't - or if it's anything like DS she needs to gradually work towards it, eg fully dressed then fully dressed with dressing gown over it, then PJs with dressing gown done up, then undone then just PJs.

My experience with DS is that you have to treat almost everything irrational as being due to the anxiety (otherwise it gets worse) but it gets very tiring dealing with it.

Dismalfuckers · 29/05/2015 22:10

Dunno, just without my usual sturdy underwear/outfit/face to the world presentation.. Am probably just fucked up weirdo though.

AnyFucker · 29/05/2015 22:11

I don't feel vulnerable in nightwear but I see how some could. It's a matter of personal choice, I think.

I wouldn't tolerate anyone telling me not to do it, especially if their own behaviour is rather suspect

Grumpyoldbiddy · 29/05/2015 22:13

Vulnerable? Not at all - I feel homely, relaxed and like this is my time now - work can knickers!

Seriouslyffs · 29/05/2015 22:18

Treat yourself to some Boden type pull ons and sweat shirts- primark do great + decent comfy lounge wear.
The rest Sad I don't know your husband but the relationship sound at the very least hard work.

BertieBotts · 29/05/2015 22:19

Oh I see. No but I don't do that stuff when I dress up in normal clothes either. I often think that I probably look like some drug addict but unless I'm trying to make a good impression on someone e.g. work then I don't really care.

(I think I am the weirdo in that situation :))

fastdaytears · 29/05/2015 22:20

PJs as soon as I get in from work, all day if working from home (with showering!), sometime tesco metro under a coat but NEVER to a full size supermarket (I have standards). Take away guys have seen all sorts from me over the years I'm sure. Pjs are the king of clothes. But then mine are proper, not the sexy lacy kind.

butterfly133 · 29/05/2015 22:22

YANBU

In fact, pyjamas can be more of a cover up than if you were wearing a summer dress. If you are comfortable and happy, what does it matter?

DP once said to me that my pyjamas don't even look like PJs, he thinks they look like a lounge suit type thing. (He said this because I was ill last year and fretted about seeing visitors in my PJs). I'm just the sort of person that doesn't like to be seen in an informal way but I wouldn't dream of inflicting it on anyone else!

wanderings · 29/05/2015 22:33

Either he answers the door himself, or he shuts up. If I were in your place I would stick with the PJs just to make a point, anxiety or no anxiety.

go along with what he wants so as not to upset him?

Does he ever go along with what you want so as not to upset you?

If he was willing to listen to what I would like on other things, I might be prepared to compromise on this. But if I was making changes to my habits to keep the peace yet he never changed his... slippery slope in my book.

iwishiwasasarah · 29/05/2015 23:14

OP - what is your DP doing to get treatment for his anxiety?

If he is actively working on sorting this problem and acknowledging that it has an impact on you then you should perhaps work round him.

If he is not getting treatment, not looking for treatment and not acknowledging that it has an impact on you then fuck what he wants, basically.

thefourgp · 29/05/2015 23:31

My brother in law is a delivery driver and has no problems with people answering the door in their pyjamas. It does make him uncomfortable when people answer wearing just their underwear. This has happened to him quite a few times over the years. There was one woman who answered only wearing her knickers, struggling to cover her boobs with one arm whilst taking the package off him and signing for it at the same time with her other hand. Ha ha. Pyjamas show no more flesh than normal clothes and as others have said, your pizza delivery guy will have seen it all many times before. Don't let your husband's issues make you self conscious. X Wink

Swipe left for the next trending thread