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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up because people can't accept I don't want to drink that much!

39 replies

Rennie23 · 29/05/2015 16:37

OK, tonight we're going out to some friends for a meal. Most of our friends drink plenty of wine/ alcohol. However I get the most horrible hangovers and have learnt there is no way I can function the next day unless I keep it to one glass of wine, which I'm quite happy with.
I usually drive which gives me a good excuse to say no more, but I'm getting fed up with being pressurised to drink more if we walk somewhere. It's comments like ' she can't take her drink' Haha, 'surely one more won't hurt'.
I sometimes feel it would be easier to say I'm teetotal.
It's not just with friends, it's family too. I usually have a good time when I go out and don't really need alcohol.
Anyone else feel the same /got any good replies, rather than me having to laugh the comments off every time? It just makes me feel like a child sometimes having to make excuses!

OP posts:
NinkyNonkers · 29/05/2015 16:38

I don't drink. So I just say that! Or just a good old fashioned no used to work when I did drink.

Apricota · 29/05/2015 16:39

YANBU have just as much or as little as you would like. I hate it when people want you to have more. Often just would like a water myself.

QforCucumber · 29/05/2015 16:39

just a nope works for me, but then my friends and family have never tried to pressure me into it.
or I'm driving now/early tomorrow??

mileend2bermondsey · 29/05/2015 16:40

I didn't drink for a few years. Theres always the 'go on, just have one!' person. Just ignore them. You don't need to make excuses or lie. Just say you don't want to?

PattiODoors · 29/05/2015 16:41

It's quite bizarre isn't it? I don't drink (doesn't agree with me) and people now accept that there's no point pressing alcohol on me. But yes, took ages. Got loads of Hmm faces.

No idea what to suggest you say. I could say change your friends but that's terribly extreme!

Hadalifeonce · 29/05/2015 16:42

Due to an injury I can not tolerate alcohol, occasionally 1 small glass of wine; I say no thank you politely, then if pressurised just say politely 'you know, there is no law that states I have to drink alcohol'. It's enough to shut up most people.

BackforGood · 29/05/2015 16:44

My first thought was 'change your friends' too! Grin

If it's bothering you though, then let them know - you could point out that you don't try to stop them drinking / make them drink less, so why do they constantly go on and on about trying to make you drink more? They probably don't realise how much they do it, or that it grates on you, unless you tell them.

Timeforabiscuit · 29/05/2015 16:47

YANBU, I stopped partway through dry January and now have a rare glass probably once a month when before I had a large glass of red every night.

Most people haven't batted an eye, but a couple have taken it as a personal affront on their lifestyle.

I'm quite self deprecating so saying I can't handle hangovers anymore is no skin off my nose. A bottle of red in an evening is no longer worth a Saturday lost in the fug of a hangover!

Jackie0 · 29/05/2015 16:47

" no thank you "
Don't make excuses and don't be wishy washy as though you could be persuaded.
Comments like ' she can't take her drink' sound very childish and a bit mean spirited , I'd respond to that with my patented look Hmm

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/05/2015 16:47

I don't drink. I love to have sparkling water with ice and a slice. It looks like gin/vodka.

I don't mind being with drinking friends but I would mind if they started having a pop at me for not drinking. I'm friendly and chatty in my own right and that should be enough. A lot of people that drink to the point of 'blotto' aren't nearly as amusing and entertaining as they think they are.

Each to their own; as long as you don't make a song and dance about not drinking much OP, they have no business doing that to you either.

Original poster
Rennie23 · 29/05/2015 16:51

My friends are lovely in every other aspect, they just make fun of me almost for not being able to take my drink. But it seems to be universally funny that someone can't take it, although I'm still puzzled as to why?
Glad you felt the same Patti.
Would love to see your patented look Jackie!

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/05/2015 16:53

If you want something to say to the people who pressurise you, how about this?

Start with:
"Look, I don't want one/another one. Feel free to have one yourself. "

If they're too rude and self-absorbed to accept that, then:
*"Why do you have such a problem with what I do or don't drink? I'm starting to think that it's YOU that has the problem with alcohol. Let me be or we'll have to stop socialising together because it's a big bore having to fend you off all the time when you try to make me drink alcohol. I don't want it, please stop".

Sort out your 'rounds' so that everybody knows where they are though, OP. You don't want that as the next thing to pounce on.

Sandancer · 29/05/2015 16:56

Yanbu. I have a friend who would constantly nag me to drink faster. Every time we had a night out she was constantly in my face saying "come on, drink up" etc. I hated going out with her until one night I really lost my patience and shouted "I'll decide when to drink my own drink, thanks!" It shocked her as I am usually a quiet person and put up with it for years. Not anymore.

Fudgeface123 · 29/05/2015 17:00

I don't drink at all as I've just gone off the taste and it makes me ill. I'm constantly told I'm boring and it does grate but I try to ignore. I've seen a whole other side to my friends when they are shitfaced and I'm not Grin

Tokelau · 29/05/2015 17:01

YANBU. I drink very little, I've had two drinks this year. I'm not really interested in drinking, it doesn't bother me if others drink or not, so why should they care if I choose not to?

I don't know the answer really OP. Just do what you want to do, and stuff the rest of them.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 29/05/2015 17:14

I hate people who badger non drinkers! I love a drink, always have but need to stop after a couple. I have been made to feel bad by friends for switching to soft drinks and it really annoys me.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 29/05/2015 17:18

Ooh feck it, wasn't going to share this but one time, I got so fed up with some twat calling be 'square' for having a cola, when he asked why I said 'because I don't want to wet the bed anymore ok?!' He was like this Shock It worked though!

Original poster
Rennie23 · 29/05/2015 17:26

Brilliant!

OP posts:
RB68 · 29/05/2015 17:29

I have pretty much always been a low or no drinker, I just don't like being so out of control, but I have had my fair share of mitherers, and I just say its my choice - I don't like how it makes me feel, its too expensive and I don't enjoy it - and I don't need it. It stems from being a complete stupid head when I was 16 and getting alcohol poisoning and it scared the pants of me so never drank much again.

contractor6 · 29/05/2015 17:30

Laugh back at them and say seeing other people drunk when I'm sober has put me off drinking.....and stare pointedly.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 29/05/2015 17:32

Take up running. Always an excuse when you can say 'nope, sorry got a 10 mile run to do in the morning'

It must be an age thing; DH and I and our friends are 40-55. Absolutelt no pressure to drink. No one cares if you drink nothing, 2 glasses of wine or 2 bottles of wine. it's an absolute non issue.

JoanHickson · 29/05/2015 17:39

I only drank in my late teens. I didn't react well to alcohol, felt ill and vomited.

I am happy to have half a glass of wine , a g&t. I have had the boring comments too.

I have changed my outlook and those in my life.

Interestingly later in life I got a diagnosis and in the lifestyle advice it said alcohol makes the condition worse. I was wise to listen to my body.

badg3r · 29/05/2015 17:43

I'm the same, and I completely understand how's annoying it can be! When people start pressurising me I have said in the past, with a big smile "I prefer not to drink much, the only annoying bit about it is having to put up with all the digs about not having another! ". The worst though, and this has happened to me on a couple of occasions on work nights, is when buying rounds, people coming back with a vodka coke when I asked for just a coke. The weird think is that if you say you're pregnant or on medication it's fine not typo drink, like there is an unwritten list of acceptable excuses not to drink!

RackofPeas · 29/05/2015 17:47

I can't drink very much nowadays, not that I was ever a heavy drinker! One glass of wine or one pint of beer is all I can cope with. When watching eurovision I drank two bottles of Crabbies - hardly strong stuff - and I had a hangover for the whole following day!
IMHO the people who try and pressure you into a drink you don't want - tthey're trying to deflect from their own drinking. They're the ones with the 'problem'. Anyway, there's nothing more dull than a drunk person when you're sober.

f1fan2001 · 29/05/2015 17:49

I rarely drink and one 'friend' did not believe me when I said it was because I don't like the taste of alcohol. I mainly drank coke and she was convinced that if I had a vodka and coke I would not taste it. I politely declined and was very unamused that my coke at the next round she bought came with vodka in it that made it undrinkable.

Drinkers seem to feel it is a criticism of their lifestyle when really it is just your choice!

Just keep saying 'no thanks' and hopefully they will get bored of the childish comments