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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be glad I can't remember being breastfed?

410 replies

retrocutie · 28/05/2015 15:16

I just read this article in the, erm, Daily Mail. In it, a woman who is breastfeeding her 5 year-old and 2 year-old talks of her wish to still be breastfeeding when her kids are 10 years old. This makes me feel a bit uneasy. A child of 10 will remember being breastfed and I just think it is a bit yucky. Sorry. I am glad I wasn't still breastfed at that age. Some children are going through puberty at 10… I dunno, it just seems a bit, well, wrong somehow. At some point it becomes inappropriate, surely?

Not only that, but as is often the case in these families, the poor husband has been banished to the spare room so that the mother can co-sleep with the DC. Just seems a bit unfair. I feel more than a bit sorry for him.

AIBU?

OP posts:
PomeralLights · 29/05/2015 14:05

I'm saying that your ability to reach agreement with your partner is based entirely on how willing your partner is to reach agreement.

That if she really has 'checked out' of the marriage, the subject matter is irrelevant and he would likely be feeling lonely whatever parenting decisions were being made without his input, and vice versa.

That in a difficult situation where you and your partner cannot agree on a fundamental aspect of your child's upbringing, you shouldn't splash it over the papers.

I fail to see how that is unreasonable? Isn't the hardest part of parenting the fact that you are doing it with someone else and you may have differences of opinion? How people deal with those differences can make or break a marriage. The Daily Mail is not the place to air such conflict.

PomeralLights · 29/05/2015 14:12

Oh and FWIW, as far as bf is concerned, yes I did and do expect my husband to 'submit to my choice'. Being as they are my boobs and all. As others have pointed out, there is a natural end for breastfeeding and I wouldn't expect him to pressure me to stop early if I didn't want to.
Co-sleeping is a much more complex issue and what is 'right' varies hugely between families. Still doesn't mean he should act like a sulky teenager over it though.

Claybury · 29/05/2015 14:15

Can't mothers feed as long as they want to? It's really nobody's business to decide an end date !!
You don't wake up one day and look at your child and think 'ooh they are a bit older today, I'll stop '.
I fed my first for 5 months, the second for 8 months and the last youngest was 18 months. I always felt pressure to stop, in fact not many people knew I was feeding the youngest as a toddler because I couldn't bear the comments.

As for remembering well there are lots of childhood things to recall. Like having a bath with my dad ! It's just life. We grow up ! Why is it yucky ?

Itsmine · 29/05/2015 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itsmine · 29/05/2015 15:05

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IceBeing · 29/05/2015 15:08

My 4 yo remembers BFing (stopped a year ago because of medical problem not my choice or hers). She saw her cousin having milk and talked about remembering BFing.

Everything she said was positive...how it was warm and made her feel warm, how it was 'a part of her love' (which is her current way to describe the things that bring her comfort in stressful moments), how it made her sleepy at bed time and how she misses it.

It must be terrible for her to have such feelings!

stargirl1701 · 29/05/2015 15:10

It helps the development of the oral cavity which reduces the need for braces. More than just nutrition from the milk in a cup.
www.brianpalmerdds.com/bfeed_oralcavity.htm

Itsmine · 29/05/2015 15:20

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tulips79 · 29/05/2015 15:32

Thanks for all the support. I did want to remind everybody that we are talking about the Daily Fail, with their own agendas and they do so seem of live of strife -I did not, at any point, mention 10years of age. Nor did they interview my husband. Please do look at the video, which seems to put my point across a lot more reasonably and there is also an article in the DM today, although I am not sure if you can make it out.

to be glad I can't remember being breastfed?
tulips79 · 29/05/2015 15:34

Exactly! This is also how Tara speaks of bf. It is SO important to her and she absolutely adores it. Why take that away from her?

It's amazing how many people think that it is possible to bf a child/baby who does not want to feed...it is not for the mother that one continues, no way....

leedy · 29/05/2015 15:37

"Then we get all the sanctimonious ' my choice' and 'well they won't be doing it a 10 so its fine ' bollocks because of milk teeth."

I don't see what's so sanctimonious about not weaning a 3 year old (and my DS isn't 3 yet) - why does it upset you so much that a human preschooler hasn't stopped breastfeeding yet? You seem to think it's holding back their development or something, or that they won't develop properly unless they're actively weaned - that because breastmilk is essential for babies, that somehow an older child drinking from the breast is "being a baby" and "too big for that" and stopping them eating and drinking and interacting "normally", and they won't be acting in a developmentally appropriate way unless they only drink from a cup and only get comfort from something other than the breast.

As I said above, I'm pretty sure I'm not "babying" DS, he is perfectly capable of going without breastfeeds for five days at a stretch when I'm away, he's extremely independent, and can talk the hind leg off a donkey. Also he's quite good at drinking from a cup, has been doing so since he was 5 months old, and eats proper food. Lots of it. I don't think I'm superior to people who don't feed older nurslings (hence being bemused at the "sanctimonious") but I'm damned if I'm going to have people having a go at something completely harmless that's part of my relationship with my toddler.

Oh, and DS1 weaned himself (though you'll be glad to know it was at a you-approved 2.5 when I was pregnant). I'm not sure why the idea of self-weaning seems so bizarre to you or "bollocks". They all lose interest eventually.

Aermingers · 29/05/2015 15:38

Um, the main thrust of the article seems to be the mother's choices. She is the one posing for pictures. She appears to be the one driving this. So are you saying that the mother should be allowed to give an interview but unless he is prepared to wholeheartedly support her he should just shut up?

And again. Saying 'reaching agreement with your partner depends on how willing your partner is to reach agreement' is simply another way of saying 'reaching agreement with your partner depends on how easy it is for you to bully them in to doing what you want to do'.

And it does make a difference. Because you (and this woman) seem to be of the opinion that no matter how emotionally unsatisfying this relationship is this man either has to agree to what his wife wants or leave.

I notice you don't appear to object to her splashing a parenting decision he doesn't agree with across the press.

leedy · 29/05/2015 15:42

"I did not, at any point, mention 10years of age. Nor did they interview my husband."

Aha!

Just out of interest, why did you agree to do the story? Surely you suspected that they might skew things? Did you know it was going to be in the Fail? I know at least one other person who's had a supposed "let's share your story and help other people with your medical issue" interview turn into "look at the freak!" in the published version.

Fromparistoberlin73 · 29/05/2015 15:45

throws hand grenade

runs!

bad bad OP

Itsmine · 29/05/2015 15:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BringBackCabinPressure · 29/05/2015 15:53

I still breastfeed dd1 who is just 4. And dd2 who is 18 months.
I still feed dd1 because she likes it. I have cut her down to one to two feeds a day though because I get a bit bored of always feeding! She finds it comforting, doesn't feel left out when dd2 feeds, and she likes it. Sometimes she's happy to have a cup of cow milk, or a cuddle instead.
What's the problem really? No I don't neeeeed to feed her. She gets adequate nutrition elsewhere and plenty if physical affection. But if she likes it and I don't mind, then why not?

BringBackCabinPressure · 29/05/2015 15:55

Oh and I never fed my 2 purées. Or gave them bottles. Your choice of "baby stage" markers are not mine.

Itsmine · 29/05/2015 15:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

leedy · 29/05/2015 16:00

"If DS goes 5 days without why even carry on?"

Because he likes it, I don't mind doing it, it's cuddly, it's another tool in my parenting arsenal, handy when he's sick, etc. etc. When I got back he beamed and hugged me and then asked politely for "milk time", it was a lovely reconnection. I don't think of it as part of his babyhood or a "baby stage" that I need to make him outgrow or "move on", it's just part of what he does now.

And heh, also never gave pureed food either.

BringBackCabinPressure · 29/05/2015 16:00

But I'm saying I don't consider breastfeeding to be a "baby" thing. Just a young child and baby thing. Baby things also include nappies but some are still in nappies at 3.
My "baby stage" markers would be not walking, not talking, Moses baskets maybe.

BringBackCabinPressure · 29/05/2015 16:02

Baby grows. Yes they're a baby thing!

Oh wait - onesies anyone? Grin

BringBackCabinPressure · 29/05/2015 16:04

But actually continuing to only give purées does cause harm. Continuing with bottles or dummies does cause harm. Continuing with breastfeeding does not..... (As long as both mother and child still want to obviously)

PterodactylTeaParty · 29/05/2015 16:05

But why does breastfeeding belong to the 'baby stage' alone, and not to the baby/toddler/young child stage? I can think of plenty of things we start as babies but don't stop with until they're older - nursery rhymes, teddy bears, bedtime stories.

BringBackCabinPressure · 29/05/2015 16:06

Exactly.

leedy · 29/05/2015 16:06

I'm just equally puzzled as to why you think breastfeeding is so firmly part of being a "little baby". You seem to think it's developmentally inappropriate for an older nursling and we need to make them "move on" and "grow up". I think it's perfectly developmentally appropriate and he'll stop it eventually.

(also I get twitchy at the phrase "move on" but that's possibly because I associate it with those really annoying SHE'LL BE A BALLERINA formula ads)