I think I'm being a huge bitch.

[HelpMeNotSnap]

A family member passed away last night. Their partner text us to let us know. Within minutes the fb statuses are up, but from family who didn't even know they'd been back in and out of hospital for months, hadn't rang to see how they or their partner were coping, hadn't came to visit.

I'm sure we're all mourning the person who has passed away. And everyone mourns differently.

I'm having trouble with their gushing posts and the gracious acceptance of sympathy from all quarters. I'm angry that if I'd opened my laptop a minute earlier I'd had found out the news not from a text from their partner, but from a fucking facebook status.

This has been a while coming, so isn't a shock, at least it shouldn't be. But it was, like a ton of bricks is a shock. I think I'm passing my anger at losing such a brilliant person onto family. I've not called them on it, not my place to say how others should behave, but I want to delete them all and scream how dare they.

I'm gutted, they were a brilliant person. My friend and a great source of support and advice during a difficult few years. They had a wicked sense of humour and our phone bills were often whinged about by both our partners. I feel so guilty. I've cried for them long before today, I mourned them before today, but today is still so fucking raw. I feel guilty that these family members are getting any of my emotion today, they don't deserve a jot of it.

[ElkTheory]

And you are not being a bitch at all!

[1Morewineplease]

Really sorry to hear of your loss HelpMe and you and I applaud you for finding time in your sorrow to highlight a very nasty aspect of FB. I'm sorry too to other posters on here with similar tales.
It is so upsetting for you and no doubt many other folk in similar circumstances but sadly I can't see how FB posts of this nature can be curtailed.
Damned FB .

[HelpMeNotSnap]

'I applaud you for finding time in your sorrow to highlight a very nasty aspect of FB. '

It was rant here or end up on 'Women who Snap'. MN to the rescue again.

This way I've blown off my steam, no ones the wiser and we can all get on with dealing with things in our own way.

[Pagwatch]

Rant away HelpMe. I never found bereavement made me short of time.

Sadly the only answer is some people are selfish cocks. Try to ignore them.

It's easier said than done but we can only try.

[ahbollocks]

Yanbu helpme
I lost a very good friend last week and within 4 days her ipad and iphone etc had been redistributed.
Her facebook was still linked to it so the person taking stupid fucking aelfies with it was accidentally uploading to her facebook and filling my timeline with myfriends name and stupid pouting photos of a near stranger (who by the way did not visit her in her last few weeks fighting cancer).
I was fucking livid.

Yanbu yan a bitch. Some people have no sense of tact or decorum

[Flambola]

It's tawdry.

[emwithme]

So sorry for your loss

I found out my cousin died from the LOCAL PAPER (article on FB - I'm 120-ish miles away). I was just ringing my Aunty (not her mum, another Aunty) to see whether the name who died was our name (on the landline) when my cousin (other-Aunty's daughter) rang me on my mobile.

Within minutes of it being "out" there were posts all over facebook. Admittedly, I had posted something too but it was a RANT at the local paper for not giving the family time to get the news out - cousin died at c 3.30 (in tragic circumstances) and was named online at 5.15 ish.

It brought back all the nasty feelings about certain cousins that had arisen at my Gran's funeral - they were there all sobbing and wailing and wearing black (the last thing my Gran wanted at her funeral was black, she had been very clear about this for my ENTIRE life) - but hadn't visited her for years.

[missymayhemsmum]

YANBU at all. When my DF died his band posted a tribute to him on their fb page and it was a great comfort to my DM that hundreds of people we didn't know remembered him and posted with sympathy and memories, and that even people he hadn't seen for years bothered to post condolences. But that was in the weeks after, not when the grief was raw and shocking. And it was people sending sympathy to our family, not people posting their own 'bereaved' status for attention.