would you think mil was wrong to say she only wants my dd to sleepover n is favouring dd

[catswag]

Dd is 7 and our youngest is 19months

Mil recently had them overnight as there was a special event on

Anyway mil has now siad to dh when i was in the loo
Next time can she just have dd
As she feels dd is missing out and that mil can't do baking n things with her

Now i get that a 19 month old is a different kettle of fish
Of course more hard work
But if you just want to make cupcakes
Stick tot in the highchair with a bowl n a a spoon and maybe a but of mix

To be fair dh was an only child so it could be connected
i guess it could be not as confident with two at once

But she seems to favor dd
And im not sure about sending dd alone

Also i wasnt sure about her saying this to dh when i was in loo
And i felt a bit sensitive over the comment she felt dd was missing out

What do you think?
What would you do or say?

YAVVVU

She is offering some 1:1 time with her 7 yr old grandchild. That is a very different kettle of fish from having them both.
Quite probably, when the 19month old is older, she will suggest he comes round for some 1:1 too.

Even if he were older, it's still very different. My dc don't have grandparents that do this, but they have each in turn loved going to stay ON THEIR OWN for a few days with my Aunt a couple of hours away. The beuaty of it is the fact it is just them, getting spoilt, by an older relative who makes time for them.

Of course it's not favouring one over the other, it's accepting that a 7 yr old is very much easier to look after than a 19month old.

sounds a great idea for the older child to get quality time with gran. i wouldn't expect her to have the toddler over for years, personally, but i guess if she had your older child over as a toddler?

I have a 6 and a 3 year old. The 6 year old frequently goes to grandparents over night- they rarely can manage the Youngest aswell

I suspect granny thought it would be kinder and more convincing to say that she wants to do stuff with DD because she is missing out on what granny and DD would do if it were just the two of them than saying that she finds your youngest too much work if she is trying to bake with DD. Your youngest probably is a lot of hard work for her (or anyone not currently child raising) when there are two together.

If she had said that it was just too hard work having DS around as well as DD you could have easily been offended on behalf of your toddler.

I think if mil had just said tbh its too much work for me with them both
I would have been totally fine with that

It must be more the comment of dd missing out
but like you say perhaps she thought it sounded better /kinder to say that

YABU

But op, can You not see that your dd probably is missing out?

If Your mil and dd used to spend time together before your 18 month came along then she is missing out on that time.

I have four dc. Yes, they get much less 1:1 time but I wouldn't call it missing out as they gain so much more from having siblings and their relationships with each other.

Yes they do miss out.
If every situation is a compromise to work around the needs of their sibling, then they miss out. It's obvious.
There are other compensations but to ignore that just defies logic.

It's important to let children be their own person every now and again.let them have time that is just about them.

I suppose I don't see it as missing out.
as what you lose in one area, you gain in others
so overall no missing out
but that's just how I see it

I have a friend with triplets.
One of the most valuable offers of help she got was when her dc were little, and their Gran used to take them for 1/2 a day, once a week on a rota basis, and just spend time doing really ordinary things with them - going on a bus, or cooking, or doing a bit of gardening or just reading a book together or feeding the ducks or going to the library.
It was something that - without the Gran - they would have missed out on, as, every story they had to share with 2 siblings. Every trip to the park meant waiting their turn to be pushed on the swing, etc., etc.,

Yes, they have a lovely special bond with each other, and have a lot that others don't, but, without that Gran, they just would never have had the chance to do those little 'ordinary' things when you can just chat and have special 1:1 time.
They are grown now, and also they all have a special bond with their Gran.
Let your dd have the same, and then, when he's 7 and the 7 yr old is a teenager and doesn't come out of her room let your ds have his time with his Gran then.

Yes, absolutely Backforgood

I was one of eight. Parents can sometimes miss how soul destroying it is to have nothing that is just about you.
I would occasionally go to work with my dad, just driving with him while he worked. I bloody loved those days because it was just me and him.

I loved my siblings. It did not, in any way, compensate for how little 1 to 1 time I got. Not at all.

I never had any 1 to 1 time as a child, perhaps that's why a need for it doesn't occur to me

I really wouldn't underestimate how nice it is for a child.
It's available. Why not let your child experience it?
What could possibly be the downside?

It also allows you to spend 1 to 1 time with your other child, which is lovely.

My neighbour very kindly used to watch my DS 2 for half an hour every now and again so I could walk my DS1 home from school.
We would come via the park and he would talk about his friends and games and things. It was lovely for both of us.

Lack of one to one time as a child really sucks. Activities are usually limited, you get dragged along to places with siblings and everything has to be shared.

Siblings don't always get along and some don't ever bother with each other in later life. People place far too much importance on giving a child a sibling or multiple siblings and it can have many many downsides.

My Mum would have DS (12)at any opportunity, they have a lovely time. DD (4) is a bit of a beast, so my mum has her less. She still loves her to death. I'm sure DD will mellow as she gets older and DS will obviously grow out of wanting to go and stay. DD will get her time (meaning I get a bloody break!)

If she won't have your other child when he is approaching seven and she is still fit and well enough, then I'd say she was being unreasonable.
I think it's totally not unreasonable to not want a toddler staying over.