..to ask about bi-sexuality?

[ArsenalsPlayingAtHome]

I want lots of traffic, hence I'm posting it here!

A couple of weeks ago, a family member came out as bi-sexual. He's male and still a teenager.

I have huge admiration for his honesty and the courage (imho) it takes to do this.

Needless to say, my feelings towards him haven't changed. Actually, that's not strictly true, they have changed: I feel even prouder of him, and my respect for him is greater than it was.

Anyway, I have no one in RL I can talk to about this. I have talked to my DH, but he's as clueless as I am.

What I would like to know is, and forgive my ignorance, if you are bi-sexual, can you be completely sexually satisfied if you choose to be monogamous, or will you always feel that you are missing out on something, iyswim?

TIA

Jeanne makes a good overall point: the suggestion that one's sexual orientation has any sort of effect one one's relationship preferences is odd, to say the least.
But that said, I didn't find the question insulting. I agree that the conflation of bisexuality and promiscuity has a long and damaging tradition. But that is because of the stigma on non-monogamous relationships. The OP did specify "if you choose to be monogamous". Which is entirely correct, it is a choice. And it's not a choice everyone wants to make and it's not necessarily the most "grown up" or emotionally mature choice. Suggesting that bi people are incapable of monogamy is only insulting if you see monogamy as morally superior. And I'm sorry, but it just isn't.

No, it's insulting full stop.

Say I don't, personally, enjoy chocolate cake.

I'd still be annoyed if someone asked me whether, as a bisexual woman, I'm incapable of enjoying it.

The insult is because the two things aren't related, not because one or the other is 'better'.

I think a woman is far more likely to sway than a man. I know of far more women that cross over than men do and revert. I also think its become rather "fashionable" to neither twix nor twain.

Yes, Jeanne, I get that. I'm rather tired of having my sexuality dragged out to explain completely unrelated aspects of my personality too. But that's a relatively common part of heterosexism and gets thrown at all non-straight people in some form or other.
The accusation of chronic infidelity, however, is quite specifically biphobic, which is why the OP has unwittingly raised so many hackles. And if you refuse to see monogamy as the be all and end all of relationship types, it's not much of an accusation.

And now crustsaway is here to demonstrate some explicit biphobia. Thanks, crustsaway, that's very helpful.

I disagree.

Not sure how better to explain it. But, glad for you that you're not bothered by it.

Jeanne, I think the problem is that I've been conflating two points here.
The first is yours: sexual orientation has nothing to do with your prefered relationship form. To suggest that it does, simply because you are not straight, is insulting. This I agree with.
The second is: bisexuals are seen as incapable of monogamy. This is complete nonsense but as I'm not particularly interested in monogamy, I personally do not find it insulting. Is that any clearer?

Yes, it's the conflation that bugs me.

By all means explore whatever you want to. Don't get all bent out of shape when someone is straight though and feels threatened not only by one sex but both? Surely you see their point of view?

crustsaway

1. Bisexuality isn't necessarily 'exploring'. Sometimes it's just being. I didn't make a choice to be bisexual. It isn't as if I went to university and thought "I'll try black lipstick, smoking dope, and sex with women". It's who I have always been. When I was ten I read Lord of the Rings and had elaborate fantasies about Eowyn being my best friend and whisking me away on adventures and not needing the boring men. When I was fourteen I was obsessed with Shirley Manson out of Garbage and couldn't explain why. And even if I had never touched a woman's breasts, I'd still be bisexual. Because that's how my brain works. And I find your phrasing really offensive.

2. If someone is straight and threatened by their partner existing in the same world as people of the gender they are attracted to, then my sexuality is the least of their problems. But out of consideration for these delicate souls, I am sure we bisexuals can limit ourselves to relationships based on trust and communication instead of rampaging paranoia.

I haven't RTFT but - yes, of course a bisexual person can be satisfied in a monogamous relationship! Just as het and gay people can!
It's not about sexual orientation. If someone is the type of twat person to have their eye caught by other people they're that type of person, whichever gender/s are involved.
As a bi person myself I don't understand why people think this.

Ah. This is why I should have RTFT. What everyone else said, OP, explaining why you are being insulting.
I am bi, I am also demisexual as the pomo hipster kids would describe it, or in everyday language, the opposite of promiscuous and a cheater.
I just don't get it - what is the connection between 'can be attracted to both sexes' and 'won't be satisfied by one partner'? I think a pp explained this better - being bi means you don't care which gender someone is, you are attracted to the person.
Oh and yy to the tedious idiots who think you must be either gay and in denial or straight and just experimenting

Someone said "everyone is bi on some level". I don't actually believe this either. Have never met a woman i wanted to have sex with. Yes people are bi..but not everyone.

everyone is bi on some level

No, it's more that sexuality is a spectrum. There's a fair few sitting on either end, rather than in the middle.

Op: I understand where you're coming from. If you're bi-sexual there's literally temptation everywhere - but I'd say it's a personality thing, just like it is with gay/hets - if you're the type that cheats then it doesn't matter what your sexuality is.

Blimey! OP, ranting isn't going to help anyone understand better. You implied, although I don't think you meant, that someone who was bisexual would struggle with monogamy. This is offensive and implies that any hint of homosexuality or bisexuality goes hand in hand with promiscuity. I imagine this must get tiresome.

I think the OP was asking in the vein of 'could a gay woman married to a man be sexually fulfilled?' Or equally 'could a straight woman married to another woman be sexually fulfilled?' I don't think she understands that it's an either/or scenario and that a bisexual person would find 'both' sexes equally sexually satisfying.
I think she was confusing enjoys both with needs both. And was therefore wondering if staying monogamous ie in a relationship with one sex meant their was always an unfulfilled part.
I'm not bisexual myself but a good friend who is explained that to me about 20yrs ago.
As for the idea that it's just a trendy phase...

Something else that just occurred to me about crustsaway's comment (and I know this is a bit off topic) - how can sexuality 'be fashionable'? Does Crustsaway genuinely think there are women out there, happily heterosexual, and then one day they read an article on Michelle Rodriguez and suddenly think "my god! I'm so behind the times. I better get down on my knees and lick me some p*y"?

Or was she actually saying "these days there is slightly less homophobic pressure to live an entirely straight life, regardless of your feelings, thus enabling more people to be honest about their identity and their feelings. Goddamnit, society! Why do you do this? Won't someone think of the insecure straight people?"

And to answer the OP (sorry! Overcome briefly with bisexual rage) I know very monogamous bisexual people, in both same sex and opposite sex relationships and very straight and very gay people in polyamorous relationships. It's whatever suits you.

"my god! I'm so behind the times. I better get down on my knees and lick me some p*y"?

Of course sexuality can be fashionable. Why not? I'm certain there's people out there ( mainly women I'd say ) who swing both ways in the name of fashion. It gives them a certain edge doesn't it ( or they think it does ) why is that not possible?

Surely the idea of having sex with the "wrong" gender for one's self is grim, regardless of whimsical celebrities?

Unless you're actually bi-sexual.

I'm not sure I agree with the fashion thing at all. Even as a heterosexual woman I'd probably rather sleep with an attractive woman that a grossly unattractive smelly man but it still doesn't mean I could opt for it as a lifestyle choice.

Suggesting that bi people are incapable of monogamy is only insulting if you see monogamy as morally superior

I don't really agree with this, as in I don't feel that the moral superiority of monogamy is where the insult is rooted. I find it insulting that I should be deemed incapable of enjoying sex due to my sexuality unless it's multi-partner. You may as well say bisexuals, or their partners must be a bit shit in bed and are simply going through the motions. The idea that bisexual people are staying in relationships that aren't sexually satisfying because they are inherently incapable of being satisfied is, well, it's insulting whatever your views are on monogamy.

Arsenal I have a feeling you maybe bi your self and masking it behind your post ... Come out and be proud lol

People do a lot worse in the name of fashion. Take drugs, have ridiculous cosmetic surgery - having sex with a woman is tame in comparison, plus it's all over within 10 minutes.