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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by colleagues comments?

63 replies

rubyroux · 26/05/2015 20:45

A male colleague of mine has always had an unhealthy interest in my appearance. Since I've worked there he's asked how much do I weigh, what clothes size am I, what shoe size am I, what my height is... Etc. If I dare eat fruit he asks if I'm on a diet/ trying to lose weight Hmm.

This morning he asked if I was booked in at the hairdressers any time soon and when I said 'no why?' He said my hair looked like 'it needed doing'. I washed it last night and let it dry naturally so it's slightly more frizzy curly than usual but I was a bit annoyed that he thought my natural hair looked shit. Didn't think anymore of it though.

Then this afternoon I stretched and my top came up a bit (was wearing high waisted trousers so belly wasn't actually out) and he pointed at my belly and went 'what's that, are you pregnant?!'. I was mortified, I work with all men and looked over at one of the other guys who was sat there like Shock. I just said 'you can't say that!!'.

I'm really angry about his comment though. I'm aware of the fact I have a sticky out stomach and I'm actively trying to get rid of it. It's bloated and I don't know why, I'm trying to work out if I'm intolerant to certain foods and drinking mint tea by the pint. I thought I'd managed to hide it but his comment has made me so self conscious. Why does he think it's okay to comment on my appearance Angry

OP posts:
glenthebattleostrich · 26/05/2015 20:49

I'd speak to your manager, his comments are totally unacceptable.

Or pull him up on every single thing you dislike about him. For example, morning arse, your hairs looking a bit shit today. Hmm eating lunch again, might want to consider skipping the odd meal the size of your arse.

Outwith · 26/05/2015 20:49

How odd. Does he do it to anyone else? Is he socially awkward? Does he fancy you?

Snagsby · 26/05/2015 20:50

He sounds like an idiot. You did the right thing to tell him he is out of order! I would keep that approach with him (possibly more so!). Sometimes men who have a lot to say.... Well they are obviously looking at you a lot, maybe he has a thing for you and it's coming across all Wrong?

helenahandbag · 26/05/2015 20:51

He sounds like a fucking prick, not to put too fine a point on it. I would report him, how dare he speak to anyone like that.

Original poster
rubyroux · 26/05/2015 20:53

glen our manager is new and I don't want to appear whiney or make it awkward at work because it's only a tiny department!

Out, he's married and about 30 years older than me so don't think he fancies me. Doesn't do it to anyone else because I'm the only woman there. It's extremely odd!

OP posts:
RB68 · 26/05/2015 20:54

He sounds like a right one. I would be in his face and tell him you don't appreciate his comments particularly in front of other colleagues and in future to keep them to himself. If he doesn't stop say it again and add the extra - "or you will take it further internally as an issue". Its harassment, overly personal, and sexist if he does not do this with other members of staff given they are all male and you aren't.

Original poster
rubyroux · 26/05/2015 20:55

Thank you Snagsby and Helena, weird thing is we get on at work and have a laugh but then he comes out with these weird appearance related comments Confused. For example he mentions at least once a week the fact I wear false eyelashes to work. I don't, just happen to have long eyelashes. I find it strange how closely he's looking at my eyes!!!

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 26/05/2015 20:58

Glen, if she did that, he'd quite rightly have her up for bullying.

OP, I can't believe you haven't reported him yet. Luckily you had a witness to his last little assault. Report him every single time he says something to you.

Can you imagine how he talks to his wife/partner if he talks like that to you?

bette06 · 26/05/2015 20:59

If he does this around the other guys (and they aren't all male models) I'd be tempted to ask him what he thinks about the other guys' appearances or what tips he has for them as you don't want to hog all his fashion/health views and advice for yourself.

It goes without saying that YANBU, and he's a sexist prick.

Liara · 26/05/2015 21:00

I would just each and every time he makes a comment on my appearance say something along the lines of 'I really don't think that is relevant to my work, so would appreciate you not commenting on non relevant matters'. And carry on as if nothing had happened.

Sooner or later, he will start to feel like the prick he is being.

Original poster
rubyroux · 26/05/2015 21:02

Thank you for your comments, it's really helpful being able to sound off on people!! I'd stopped telling my boyfriend because he'd get the rage and pull this [face].

OP posts:
Original poster
rubyroux · 26/05/2015 21:03

Jesus I'm so wound up I can't even type. *this face Angry

OP posts:
viva100 · 26/05/2015 21:04

It's sexist and discriminatory. Report. Now! You won't seem whiney, you actually have witnesses too! I would have confronted and reported him a long time ago. Bear in mind, he will get very defensive if you try to say something now after all this time so I think you will be much better off if you go to your mamager directly and tell him how uncomfortable he's making you feel with his constant comments on your appearance.

iWantToBeAlone · 26/05/2015 21:09

As I read your op I was more and more shocked. I cannot believe he says all that to you. He sounds like a right weirdo, and a sexist one at that. Please do report him, don't let him get away with this.

justmyview · 26/05/2015 21:10

How about each time he makes one of those comments, you make a show of writing them down. If he asks why, you could say that you don't want to cause trouble, but are taking notes in case you decide to report it to HR in future

EcclefechanTart · 26/05/2015 21:16

Absolutely report this. It's totally unacceptable in a workplace (or indeed anywhere).

Tequilashotfor1 · 26/05/2015 21:20

Why don't you say "do you know, your comments are really starting to piss me off"

DisappointedOne · 26/05/2015 21:22

This is harassment, it's utterly unacceptable and needs dealing with formally. Put in a complaint/grievance.

MrsTedCrilly · 26/05/2015 21:22

Urgh that is just not on. He has to be looking at you closely to be making those observations.. You don't go to work to feel self conscious! Please report as someone needs to make him realise this is totally inappropriate.

Lucyccfc · 26/05/2015 21:23

You don't need to report this - seriously just tell him to piss off.

On a more professional note, just say 'that is a very personal question, please don't be so rude'.

TwinkieTwinkle · 26/05/2015 21:25

I'd report him to be honest. If it was a couple of times then I might let it slide but from what you've said it is a frequent occurrence and it makes you feel uncomfortable. Bang out of order.

pictish · 26/05/2015 21:27

Say, "I'm going to ask you to refrain from making any more comments about my personal appearance. I actually find it quite insulting."

This twat obviously equates women with ornaments. Get him told.

Bluetrews25 · 26/05/2015 21:30

Was just about to say what justmyview said....
Makes the point, assertive without being bullying yourself.

BettyCatKitten · 26/05/2015 21:37

Say 'you seem to be over invested in my appearance, what's the deal?"

pudseypie · 26/05/2015 21:43

If I was your line manager I'd want to know. I think you should bring it up - they are inappropriate and may just be innocent comments and not thought through but regardless of the intention they are causing offence and need to stop.

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