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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ignorant assumptions about having 3DC!

68 replies

Happyyellowcar · 24/05/2015 20:24

"Your house must be CHAOS", "poor DS1, having to put up with first one sibling and now another ! No wonder he was playing up at Climbing today", "poor DD - she must be shattered as she is dragged around after DS1 & 2 all day - no chance of a decent nap for her!" Etc etc - all comments made to me recently and starting to really annoy me now. Usually said rather smugly by people with 0,1 or 2 children and quite often followed by "that's why WE decided to stick at n children! Tee hee!". Look - my house is actually quite calm and lovely thanks, DD (6 months) has 2 naps of the same length each day at the same time regardless of our activities and DS1 was a fidgety little thing even before we inflicted 2 siblings upon him! His life is richer for having his siblings IMHO as he has learned valuable sharing and caring type stuff he may not have done otherwise. Wish people would bloody think before opening their gobs sometimes! Just needed a vent..

OP posts:
afreshstartplease · 24/05/2015 20:25

I have to admit I haven't had any comments about having three dc since Dc3 was born two years ago and there were a few people who found it funny to recommend we get sky TV

Suppose people might say it behind my back though eh

Original poster
Happyyellowcar · 24/05/2015 20:58

Wish people would just say it behind my back so I could live in blissful ignorance. Today it was a dad at climbing making these comments to me - grrr felt so annoyed but couldn't think of a reply which wouldn't come across as really snippy.

OP posts:
Charlotte3333 · 24/05/2015 21:03

Rude swines, people only say stuff like that because they're jealous or trying to deflect attention from their own dreadfully-behaved bellend child.

Wine and Flowers and lots more Wine

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 24/05/2015 21:03

We had DC3 a year or so ago (other two DC are 7&5). Never heard any comments like this. Literally never. Bad luck I assume OP, if you're hearing it a lot. Just ignore.

WorraLiberty · 24/05/2015 21:04

I have 3 DC and all I can say is, what sort of strange people do you hang around with? Confused

madwomanbackintheattic · 24/05/2015 21:08

I have 3dc and have also never heard anything like this... Grin
I get a fair bit of sympathy running between after school clubs, and occasionally people offer to help. Maybe I'm just more obviously needy and so they are nicer to me?!
Dc3 suffered a birth injury and has brain damage though, so it's entirely possible. Grin

crustsaway · 24/05/2015 21:08

Not sure I've heard this either. If I have I've laughed it off and agreed, it does change the dynamics somewhat.

Are you finding it hard to cope with 3 OP?

Original poster
Happyyellowcar · 24/05/2015 21:11

Worra MIL is one of the worst culprits!

Tbh I was worried it was going to be chaotic etc but have been pleasantly surprised. I wouldn't say stuff like this to people with more DC than me but others seem to think it's fine to make these derogatory comments.

OP posts:
happy2bhomely · 24/05/2015 21:13

Try having 5! 'You must be mad' is what I got instead of congratulations. When I had dc3 everyone seemed puzzled why I had bothered when I already had one of each.

Justusemyname · 24/05/2015 21:15

We had that too. We had a boy and girl so why did we want another. Clearly thick. Them not me.

Namehanger · 24/05/2015 21:17

All the people I know with 4+ kids have really polite, well adjusted kids - I think I knew that as I was struggling with 2 any more would be a n...........ightmare.

AuditAngel · 24/05/2015 21:18

I have 3DC and am always very grateful when offered help. DS has just done a short run in a show locally, I was away on business and a friend really helped out. I got her a small (€10) gift from my trip. She didn't expect anything, but I don't want to take advantage, and I want people to know I appreciate their help.

Don't be afraid to ask for help.

ilovemargaretatwood8931 · 24/05/2015 21:19

Some people are strange aren't they? I just can't imagine why anyone would make these kinds of comments. I only have 1dc, and have received several weird comments over the years about that, as I gather happens a lot. I guess it's the same sort of people- very odd!

freezation · 24/05/2015 21:23

This is tightly different but I get sick and tired of strangers telling me I have my hands full etc etc and giving me pitying looks when I'm out with my 9 months olds twins and 3.5 year old. It gets really wearing!

Original poster
Happyyellowcar · 24/05/2015 21:29

But I don't need help Audit - I'm fine! That's the point! I took DS1 to his climbing lesson by myself and just made a little comment to another watching parent about how DS1 isn't great at waiting for his turn (he's 5) and he launched into a monologue about "poor" DS1 having so many siblings etc and how things must be chaos at home! His DS is in the same class as DS1 which is how he knows we have 3 DC. So rude!

OP posts:
Arseface · 24/05/2015 21:35

Our DC3 turned out to be twins and, when bumping into acquaintances during that pregnancy the comment I most frequently got was 'Oh no!'.
There's a reason they're just acquaintances!
You've got your hands full is hugely irritating. My stock response is, 'Yes, but with lovely things.'

MsVestibule · 24/05/2015 21:41

Why is 'you've got your hands full' an annoying comment? The comments the OP has had are annoying, but the 'hands full' comment is just an observation. I had two DCs in 20 months and got that a lot - they were right!!!

diddlediddledumpling · 24/05/2015 21:48

it sounds like your mil is arsey, and you met another arse at climbing today. Bad luck.

ive got 3 boys, never ever had comments like this. I've had the hands full comment, but usually said with a smile. Most strangers i pass in parks, shops, etc eye up the boys and then smile at me. (Definitely not because theyre good as gold, they are almost constantly messing around.)

Fluffcake · 24/05/2015 21:49

Some people are so rude. And so oblivious that they are being rude!

Original poster
Happyyellowcar · 24/05/2015 21:49

I also get the "hands full" comments, usually accompanied with pitying looks. I find the sympathetic looks really annoying too as actually were quite a happy little lot!

OP posts:
TheEggityOddity · 24/05/2015 21:55

People are just trying to empathise with you. They assume it is hard for you, because they would find it hard. I find one child hard, so I would assume it would not be easy too. Most people are well meaning, maybe this guy and MIL come from a different position, but the majority with the 'hands full' comment will be trying to connect with you, not piss you off.

windchime · 24/05/2015 22:00

My neighbour has 3 boys and her house is a tip! The garden looks like it has been excavated and the dog left home months ago. Maybe you are just coping well, OP.

freezation · 24/05/2015 22:01

It's maybe not what they say (hands full) but the way they say it. It does grate a bit though when I hear it every time I get out.

Zippidydoodah · 24/05/2015 22:28

Snort at "the dog left home months ago"!! Can just imagine him with a hanky tied to a stick with his possessions inside, like Dick Whittington! Grin

I was so angry at an older woman when I was in town on my own for the first time with my 3 (same ages as yours, op) and she looked at two in the double buggy and one in the sling, gasped and said "oh my god!"

To be fair it depends what kind of mood I'm in as to how I take these kind of comments! It's either smile, nod and agree, or stare evilly!

Anniegetyourgun · 24/05/2015 22:38

How times change. My grandmother had 12. The only unusual thing in those days was that they all survived.

Conversely, my mother was 1 of 1, and everyone was very sorry for her. (She wasn't sorry for herself at all.)