Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ignorant assumptions about having 3DC!

68 replies

Happyyellowcar · 24/05/2015 20:24

"Your house must be CHAOS", "poor DS1, having to put up with first one sibling and now another ! No wonder he was playing up at Climbing today", "poor DD - she must be shattered as she is dragged around after DS1 & 2 all day - no chance of a decent nap for her!" Etc etc - all comments made to me recently and starting to really annoy me now. Usually said rather smugly by people with 0,1 or 2 children and quite often followed by "that's why WE decided to stick at n children! Tee hee!". Look - my house is actually quite calm and lovely thanks, DD (6 months) has 2 naps of the same length each day at the same time regardless of our activities and DS1 was a fidgety little thing even before we inflicted 2 siblings upon him! His life is richer for having his siblings IMHO as he has learned valuable sharing and caring type stuff he may not have done otherwise. Wish people would bloody think before opening their gobs sometimes! Just needed a vent..

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 24/05/2015 22:41

His life is richer for having his siblings IMHO as he has learned valuable sharing and caring type stuff he may not have done otherwise.

So people can't make assumptions about your family size, but you can make assumptions about things like this?

Capricorn76 · 24/05/2015 22:49

I agree MidnightScribbler. That comment was very off with regards to only children. Methinks OP may have her own family size prejudices.

FlabulousChix · 24/05/2015 22:52

I'm one of three. My brother the middle child was basically the scape goat and treated appallingly by my mother. To the point of being kicked out on the street for no reason at 16. She is a nasty horrible woman though. But it's not just myth the middle child is not treated as favourably hence I stopped at two.

oabiti · 24/05/2015 22:58

All grown up & left school now but when I had three children under two (twins & their elder sibling), the amount of 'well-meaning' comments used to really get my goat.

As they got older, whenever I took them places, people would always comment on how well behaved they were. I was baffled as to why they wouldn't be well-behaved or was it the fact that I shouldn't be coping with three young children?

Hmm
Zippidydoodah · 24/05/2015 22:59

Flabulous, it's awful what happened to your brother but that doesn't happen to every middle child! More generalisation. My middle child is thoroughly adored by all of us.

DixieNormas · 24/05/2015 23:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddlediddledumpling · 25/05/2015 00:00

I'm a middle child and have three of my own Flabulous. you can't really say it's not a myth, just cos it happened to your brother.

BlackeyedSusan · 25/05/2015 00:16

I bet that if your first two were of the same gender then you get were you trying for a (opposite gender) , or three the same then even more speculation about trying for a fourth.

do you get comments about one being left out?

and, quite frankly, one or two can cause chaos enough thankyou very much.

BettyCatKitten · 25/05/2015 00:18

I had twins, so 3 became 4!
I don't see why people need to comment on number of dc's.

ToysRLuv · 25/05/2015 00:35

I have one DC and find you what you said about having siblings frankly a bit insulting. However, I do think that two kids must be hard work, as I find one hard enough. Let alone 3, 4 or more. Those women are just a completely different species to me, so whatever I say is probably off the mark. I tend to not comment.

Original poster
Happyyellowcar · 25/05/2015 08:51

Fabulous - sorry about your poor brother but if my generalisation is bad then yours is totally ridiculous!

I knew I would get some flack about my Carey/sharey comment but I am just being honest about my situation. I certainly don't mean to upset other families with fewer children! However DS1 and 2 are literally forced to share everything from the minute they wake up til they go to sleep at night - they share all their toys apart from a few precious Lego models, their clothes and even share a room. They have to wait for each other to finish meals before they get dessert, wait for each other to be dresses etc before we can go anywhere, negotiate with each other about which program to watch before bed etc etc - it really is a constant and sometimes painful process which can degenerate into squabbling. Sometimes they squabble for a bit which I hate listening too before magically coming to some sort of consensus about what game to play and then it is blissful to hear them playing nicely. They are so loving towards DD and bring her toys and try to make her laugh too and so she has been a positive addition to the family in that sense also - more waiting for them sometimes however as I can't always leap up to help then fix a problem (usually Lego related) but then they sort it out themselves. Now I know from experience that when I have "quality" time with DS1 or 2 then they don't have to wait to get their dessert, they can play with all the tots without squabbles and I can help them immediately with Lego building. So yes if I had 1 DC they wouldn't have to share and wait and learn to be kind to a small baby literally all day long.
I am not saying that only children can't share just that they aren't forced to practically every waking moment as mine have too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyyellowcar · 25/05/2015 08:53

*toys not tots!

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyyellowcar · 25/05/2015 08:56

Oh and no I'm not prejudiced about family size - DD was an unplanned addition and I loved having just DS1 by himself and also loved having 2 DC as well! It's all good :-)

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 25/05/2015 09:00

I have 3 ds's and iirc no one ever commented negatively . (not to my face).

Ds2 was and is as loved as our other two, never had any sniff of 'middle child' nonsense.

This is going yo be one of 'those' threads innit?

howabout · 25/05/2015 09:04

When I had DC3 after 8 year gap the most common comment I got was shock that DH and I were still capable of producing a DC lol. I had 2 19 months apart and that was full on for the first 6 months but then much easier than dealing with my DC3 who is on her own while they are at school, since they always played together. Do not agree on middle child syndrome either. My DD2 is the most like me so I am sure I overcompensate and spoil her. My lot must be really deprived as all 3 share a room.
I have been known to comment on others family size but only in the sense that I can empathise or may be offering help.
Probably you are being a bit oversensitive and thus unreasonable.

TheFairyCaravan · 25/05/2015 09:14

DH and I are both middle children of 3. That is the reason we have 2 children.

Original poster
Happyyellowcar · 25/05/2015 09:14

Just wanted to quickly pop back and say I hope this isn't going to turn into a nasty thread about which family size is the best ! There's no best, just different and all great as far as I am concerned - pros and cons etc etc!
Yes I am probably a bit over sensitive - just really annoyed at this dad's comment yesterday, as well as several other recent unprovoked comments. I could understand it if I was wrestling with all 3 at the climbing and it was obvious that I was struggling but I was having 1to1 time with DS1 and giving him lots of support and encouragement at the time so you wouldn't even know I had 3 DC unless you knew us as a family. Anyway will try to grin and bear it from now on..

OP posts:
SideOrderofChips · 25/05/2015 09:15

im pregnant with Ds1 after 2 DD's and all i get is

'Oh DD1 wont like you having another' or

'DD2 is really going to struggle with you having a baby and sharing your affection'

As it happens DD1 is a typical 8 year old about the baby and just wants to know what she can and cant do with him. DD2 is over the moon and excited.

Ubik1 · 25/05/2015 09:17

I found 3DC hard.

I don't remember the first year of DD3's life.

Recently DP showed me some photos from that time and I have no recollection of the events.

The first summer alone with a newborn, two year old and five year old was really tough.

It's great now but when people commiserate I usually agree!

umiaisha · 25/05/2015 09:19

We have 3 and I am surprised at how many women with 2 say to me they are envious and wish they had had 3! Maybe they are just being polite though! Grin

3CheekyLittleMonkeys · 25/05/2015 09:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 25/05/2015 09:29

I think people are just trying to find something to say - anything!
Maybe if you get in there first you can steer the conversation in more interesting and less annoying directions?

It's like when people say annoying stuff to those with a bump about are you hoping for a boy/girl, or the stuff people say to mothers of twins.
Just standard cliche conversation. People don't mean anything by it IMHO
They just like to fill any gaps in conversation with the first thing that comes into their head - or possibly by-passes their brain and just spills out of their mouths Grin

umiaisha · 25/05/2015 09:29

Oh have had the "why are you bothering having any more when you have one of each" comments when pregnant with dc3 too!

Buttermilly · 25/05/2015 10:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 25/05/2015 10:06

But it's not just myth the middle child is not treated as favourably hence I stopped at two

What utter rubbish. I'm a middle one and loved just as much as the other two, thanks. I also don't think my middle DC is not 'treated as favourably' Hmm

Of course it's a bloody myth, quite foolish to say otherwise. Some parents are just shit, that's all. As in your experience. It would be wise to learn to separate that from thoughtless judgements on other people's very happy families.