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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DM gave 4 yr old wine

56 replies

AcerA · 24/05/2015 19:56

Would you be annoyed, it wasn't a lot, about 1 or 2 cm in the end of a glass but I felt really uncomfortable and cross about it, more than anything because he'd asked earlier in eve and I'd said no, then had discussion with dm about why I didn't want him having wine.
I'd been putting ds2 to bed and came back and he was joking about drinking and being wobbly, feel dm undermined me and as a silly aside I couldn't help thinking what would be said if he goes into nursery saying this!

OP posts:
mousmous · 24/05/2015 19:57

yanbu
wrong on so many levels

WorraLiberty · 24/05/2015 19:58

I would be annoyed even if it was a banana.

You said no, she knows you said no and she knows why you said no.

Therefore she was bang out of order to give him some.

SpottyTeacakes · 24/05/2015 19:59

I would be fuming. No need for it. Illegal too iirc. Yanbu

notquitegrownup2 · 24/05/2015 19:59

Hmm - I wouldn't be happy. I'm all for kids trying a bit of wine, to demystify alcohol, but it is illegal to give an under 5 alcohol anywhere, for a reason. Surprised that dd managed two centimeters of wine - that's quite a lot.

I'd also hate to be undermined like that. I think that you are right that if dd mentioned it at nursery they would have to follow up - or at least you could tell your dm that they would have to.

eyebags63 · 24/05/2015 19:59

For a moment I thought you were complaining about her serving wine that was 4 years old.

YANBU, who gives a 4 year old wine? Unbelievable!

Queazy · 24/05/2015 19:59

This was your mum?! I'd be very cross. Why on earth does she want a 4 year old to have wine and pretend to be cute. Why would you do that?! YNBU at all x

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 24/05/2015 19:59

You said 'no', she knew you'd said no, she had no right to over-ride that decision it shows a total lack of respect for you.

TooOldForGlitter · 24/05/2015 20:00

I'd be annoyed if I was you because you'd already said no so she undermined you by letting him have it.

LadyNym · 24/05/2015 20:00

YANBU.

Aside from anything else, you said no. To go behind your back and against your wishes with anything concerning your DS is not acceptable.

Queazy · 24/05/2015 20:00
  • pretend to be drunk. Sorry, I have no doubt at all that your 4yo needs no help in being cute Smile
NotSos · 24/05/2015 20:13

Notwithstanding the undermining issue (which is bad enough), studies have shown that alcohol before the age of 16 permanently changes the shape/networking of their developing brains and is to be absolutely avoided. This one off incident won't have caused any damage but it really isn't something to joke around about IMO. And also, 1-2cm sounds ALOT for a little tot.

crustsaway · 24/05/2015 20:14

Don't think there's anything wrong in a child having a taste of alcohol myself. But I'd be angry about you saying no and him going ahead and doing it anyway.

What does DM in a male term stand for?

LokiBear · 24/05/2015 20:19

YANBU. I'd be furious!

Original poster
AcerA · 24/05/2015 20:19

Dm means my mum. She is wonderful and an unbelievable support to us, but does at times think I'm silly or over protective and will undermine me when she thinks this, tonight being a good, albeit, relatively rare example. It was from a tall narrow glass so don't think it was alot. Ds wouldn't have drunk that much but I wasn't there, neither was dh (who is livid about it!) So only going on what she and ds said quantity wise.

OP posts:
Stealthpolarbear · 24/05/2015 20:20

Yes not on at all

Justusemyname · 24/05/2015 20:21

I'd be livid.

DM = mother though not dear at the moment.

The child is a boy, he's the he.

Pico2 · 24/05/2015 20:21

YANBU - you had already said no. That should have been the end of it.

I'd only give a child a taste of wine if it was so dry that I'd be confident they wouldn't like it. And a taste isn't a few cm.

Bluetrews25 · 24/05/2015 20:22

Maybe never have alcohol open when your DM visits again, as she can't be trusted with it? And when she asks why, tell her.

violetwellies · 24/05/2015 20:22

Tell her that you're going to report her.
I'm afraid as a preemptive strike I told my inlaws it was illegal and I would report them if they gave DS alcohol.

Original poster
AcerA · 24/05/2015 20:23

dm's view is that children shouldn't be set up thinking alcohol is anything particularly special or off limits as it leads to creating an aura about it which she thinks contributes to binge drinking in young people. She has a more continental view that its ok for everyone to have a bit and it been seen as a normal part of meal times.

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 24/05/2015 20:23

I wouldn't be happy. Mainly because she knew you'd said no and she ignored you.

LittleBearPad · 24/05/2015 20:25

Well that's all very well and good with a ten year old (or so) but not so much a four year old. Will she be breaking out the fags for the same reason?

Stealthpolarbear · 24/05/2015 20:28

It's a popular view but not backed up by the evidence. People seem to want to believe it though

QuidditchTonedThighs · 24/05/2015 20:31

It's illegal to give a child under 5 wine. What a stupid thing for her to have done.

Wolfiefan · 24/05/2015 20:31

I'd be furious because you said no and she did it anyway. I'd be saying if she undermines me like that I would never leave DS alone with her.
(I'm a stroppy cow BTW!)

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