to think these parents should have checked first if they wanted to go out and leave their child with me?

[Tinklewinkle]

Sorry, very long winded title, but I'm bloody pissed off and don't think I've done anything wrong.

DD2's best friend lives a few doors down from us. We have a bit of an open door policy whereby the girls (both 9, nearly 10) knock for each other, if it's nice they tend to play together out the front, or they'll come in (here or at DD's friend's house) and play for a while, then when we get fed up/dishing up dinner/have to go out/whatever we'll send them home.

DH and DD1 are away this weekend and DD2 and I had made plans for a couple of treats. DD's friend came and knocked for her just after lunch and DD asked if they could play for a while. Reminded DD we were going out so they only had an hour or so. All fine.

I sent DD's friend home when we were ready to go, DD and I went out. That was that, all very normal and nothing that hasn't happened pretty much every day for several years.

Anyway, DD and I return and we've been home a matter of minutes before there's a knock on the door. I assume it's DD's friend and go to explain that we were going to sort out dinner and have a movie night, so DD would see her tomorrow. But it's the friends mum.

It turns out that while DD's friend was here, they'd gone out. They'd returned to find their DD sitting on their doorstep and the parents are very upset with me.

At no point had either parent mentioned they were going out, they didn't pop down, phone, text, anything. The friend didn't say a word and I had absolutely no idea they weren't in

Now, there have been times when DD has been there and we've needed to go out. One of us will go down, if it's OK we'll leave DD there if it's not, DD will come with us. I'd never just go out without speaking to them first.

AIBU to think, if you want someone else to be responsible for your child, you should bloody well let them know first. I actually have no problem with their DD staying here when they go out if it's convenient, but they can't just expect me to be responsible for supervising their daughter while they're out if I don't know I'm supposed to be doing so

[OstentatiousBreastfeeder]

Was the girl supposed to tell you? Perhaps that's why the mother was so self righteous? It's the only thing that makes sense.

Or she's really that deluded.

[Tinklewinkle]

DD over heard the whole thing, she'd followed me to the door as she also thought it was her friend so she's quite upset that her friend can't play here anymore.

I understand she's had a fright, but standing on my doorstep shouting at me isn't on.

I'm sure the ban won't last though, the girls pretty much live in each other's houses so I'm sure she'll soon get fed up

[momtothree]

Very odd situation! Would avoid, unless she sees sense. Very cheeky,

[Tinklewinkle]

Sorry, got distracted by the phone so crossed loads of posts.

I'm not sure if the friend was supposed to tell me. She didn't say a word. Although, there's no way I'd entrust a message like that with to my DD, it would have gone in one ear and straight out the other. I'd have expected some kind of response from the other parent and if none forthcoming I'd have checked

[Icimoi]

I'd be tempted to hint to her that you are so concerned that she deliberately abandoned her child that you're thinking of reporting her to SS. But you'd have to be careful as it could lead to open warfare.

[Tinklewinkle]

Oh, and I have no idea how long she'd been sitting on the doorstep before they came home.

We were out about 3, maybe 4 hours.

[tippytappywriter]

I hope she apologises. It would be a shame for the girls to not play together but I'd not have her daughter round before the mother did.

[GobblersKnob]

I think the other Mum feels enormously guilty and you are a convenient place to hang that guilt.

Y (of course) A so NBU.

[FryOneFatManic]

OP, if you hadn't gone out, how long would the girl have been at your house? All of that 3-4 hours?

You see, I'm wondering if the parents had been out for the general amount of time you'd have normally had the girl there, so the mum was angry because she realised they'd left the girl alone for quite a while, hence all the shouting at you, to re-direct the blame.

[minkGrundy]

I am guessing, unless they were onky out for 20 minutes, they have no idea how long DD was there for as a child when asked will always say not long or aaaaages.

[Stealthpolarbear]

Well if the girl does knock at your door uou know what to do...walk her straight home, cheery knock on the door and explain you've just brought her back.
Can you imagine how cross you'd have been if you had walked her home and realised the parents weren't in!

[Tinklewinkle]

If we hadn't gone out I'd have probably sent her home/they come and collected her about 6ish when we usually have dinner

Or, more likely, DD would have asked if she could stay for dinner and have a sleep over. So, tomorrow morning

[FishWithABicycle]

Yanbu at all. I'm not surprised at the woman getting angry even though - not that she has a right to but it's a natural response (for many, not for all) to feeling shocked and guilty to try to try to find someone else to blame.

[Groovee]

OMG, she leaves her child and goes out without checking, then goes mental at you.

When the dd knocks, I would be walking her home and saying, sorry, you don't seem to remember you banned your daughter from ever being friends with my daughter!

She's the one who is in the wrong but looking to blame someone else.

[Stealthpolarbear]

In fairness both parents are equally to blame for leaving their dd.
Rhe mum is to blame for blaming you

[Stillyummy]

If she does often leave her DD in your care without telling you, then at least you know that banning her daughter from your house won't last as it will be less convenient for her brass necked self. Shocked at her nerve!

[stayathomegardener]

Shall we take bets on how long it is before your neighbour reconsiders, being half term and all

Tuesday

[dietcokeandwine]

Bloody hell OP.

YANBU times about a million and your neighbour sounds appalling.

I feel for both of your DDs but it's your neighbour's fault that this happened-not yours.

[dixiechick1975]

How odd you are in no way in the wrong. My dd is 9 and has a similar set up with 2 girls on the estate. They call for her/her them. I tell her to be home x time or the girls tell me they need to be home at 5 etc. Never walk them home unless it is dark. one mum did come to collect her dd as they were going out but I said fine for her dd to stay and she thanked me. Never would I expect them to just go out. I'd never go out either in those circs. Quite normal to play a bit then say Mildred (not real name) needs to go at 2pm we are having lunch/going shopping etc. Mildred may then go home or to park or to call for Joan - upto her I'm not minding her. Obviously when in my house I make sure ok and feed/water but not a play date where you Pick up and drop off. Girls are yr 4/5.

[FlabulousChix]

Aged ten she should have a door key and be able to look after herself for an hour or two

[Stealthpolarbear]

Really? Om another thread the consensus is you can't leave a 9yo asleep upstairs in a small private hotel while you're downstairs at the wedding

[balletgirlmum]

It's not the 9 year old that's the problem on the other thread it's the 5 year old sibling.

[crayola8]

YANBU of course! The parents have a right cheek!
I do have a mortal fear of this happening though and if not 100% sure parents are home always send a DC to walk a friend home or instruct child to come STRAIGHT BACK if no-one is at home and wait a few minutes to make sure they don't.

[dustarr73]

Just makes you think how long have they being doing this.Neck like a jockey's bollix(her not you). I will give it till Tuesday and she be back knocking on your door.I would just send her home as it's more hassle than its worth

[Tinklewinkle]

I wouldn't be keen on leaving my 9 year old. She is a very young 9/10 and struggles with anxiety. God knows how she'd react if anything like this happened with her.

She'd have a complete breakdown I think.

As for bets on now long before she reconsiders - I reckon Tuesday, maybe Wednesday.

I think she'll try to get away with it never being mentioned again and it'll be business as usual to be honest. We've never come to blows before, but I've seen how she tries to behave with other people.

I want an apology, but at the same time I doubt it will be forthcoming and it would be such a shame for DD to hold grudges