to think these parents should have checked first if they wanted to go out and leave their child with me?

[Tinklewinkle]

Sorry, very long winded title, but I'm bloody pissed off and don't think I've done anything wrong.

DD2's best friend lives a few doors down from us. We have a bit of an open door policy whereby the girls (both 9, nearly 10) knock for each other, if it's nice they tend to play together out the front, or they'll come in (here or at DD's friend's house) and play for a while, then when we get fed up/dishing up dinner/have to go out/whatever we'll send them home.

DH and DD1 are away this weekend and DD2 and I had made plans for a couple of treats. DD's friend came and knocked for her just after lunch and DD asked if they could play for a while. Reminded DD we were going out so they only had an hour or so. All fine.

I sent DD's friend home when we were ready to go, DD and I went out. That was that, all very normal and nothing that hasn't happened pretty much every day for several years.

Anyway, DD and I return and we've been home a matter of minutes before there's a knock on the door. I assume it's DD's friend and go to explain that we were going to sort out dinner and have a movie night, so DD would see her tomorrow. But it's the friends mum.

It turns out that while DD's friend was here, they'd gone out. They'd returned to find their DD sitting on their doorstep and the parents are very upset with me.

At no point had either parent mentioned they were going out, they didn't pop down, phone, text, anything. The friend didn't say a word and I had absolutely no idea they weren't in

Now, there have been times when DD has been there and we've needed to go out. One of us will go down, if it's OK we'll leave DD there if it's not, DD will come with us. I'd never just go out without speaking to them first.

AIBU to think, if you want someone else to be responsible for your child, you should bloody well let them know first. I actually have no problem with their DD staying here when they go out if it's convenient, but they can't just expect me to be responsible for supervising their daughter while they're out if I don't know I'm supposed to be doing so

[ImperialBlether]

She's as unreasonable as it's possible to get.

You need to have a word with her when she's calmer - does she have a partner who's got a bit more sense about him?

[crustsaway]

Of course they're totally in the wrong and trying to put their guilt onto you.

[FryOneFatManic]

Absolutely YANBU here. The parents should really have asked you first, and I agree they have been out before and it's only pure luck that you've not gone out when they have.

[Sparklingbrook]

That's bonkers. She should have just called round/texted to say she was going out and is it ok?

We have a very similar set up with DS2 and his mate, the mate's Mum and I keep each other informed.

[FatAli]

Outrageous behaviour on their part.

[honeysucklejasmine]

I wonder how long the "ban" will last. How ridiculous.

[TendonQueen]

That's outrageous of them. And it's cutting their noses off to spite their face since they clearly make use of their DD being at yours to nip out. I can bet on who the police would find at fault in this scenario and it isn't you.

[Tinklewinkle]

She didn't really give me much chance to get a word in edgeways

I told her that I had no idea they were going out. Neither families had ever walked the DDs home before and it was totally unreasonable to go out without informing/checking with me first. That DD and I had plans and it wasn't convenient this afternoon

She then told me I was irresponsible.

I said never to do that again, that in future if she wanted me to look after her DD while they went out they needed to speak to me first, just like we do with them. To which she said not to worry about it happening in future, her DD wasn't allowed to play here any more and that she could no longer trust me and stormed off

Given her reaction, I wonder how many times they've gone out in the past without telling us to be honest.

[expatinscotland]

'To which she said not to worry about it happening in future, her DD wasn't allowed to play here any more and that she could no longer trust me and stormed off'

Stupid cow. Don't engage with her at all. Tell your DD the truth. It's upsetting, but there's no arguing with the truth.

She's been a real bitch.

[honeysucklejasmine]

applauds perfect response, well done OP.

[alicemalice]

She's weird. Seriously.

[balletgirlmum]

That is so bonkers.

The poor child.

[ImperialBlether]

She's going to be kicking herself this summer, isn't she? Who will her child play with that has a psychic mother?

[TendonQueen]

Well they'll realise how ridiculous they've been next time they want to pop out somewhere. Serves them right.

[Trills]

It definitely sounds like they've done it A LOT.

[minkGrundy]

Prwtty sure she is going to think that over and realise she has been a twat

[OstentatiousBreastfeeder]

Cheeky cow. I'll bet my left foot she's been doing it all along and using you for free childcare.

She feels like a cunt for being irresponsible herself by not telling you first, so instead of taking it on the chin and learning her lesson, she's blaming you.

Her DD was left alone, locked out of her home and it's completely her fault.

If I were you I'd send her a text telling her ^ that.

[Koalafications]

I think she knows that she is in the wrong and feels guilty, but is taking it out on you.

YANBU, OP.

[Justusemyname]

. When someone breaks your trust it is when they have been entrusted with something knowingly first, ie car, dog, child, etc. you weren't. She's a loon. You've done NOTHING wrong. I give it less than a week before the child comes aknocking....

[The5DayChicken]

How long was the poor girl sat on the doorstep before her parents came home? They should be ashamed of themselves.

[Eigg]

Make sure you do not allow the child in to play until you've had an apology.

I predict that in a week or so the girl will start knocking on your door again and they'll expect that you'll just let it slide.

Explain what has happened to your dd. It's not the other girl's fault but her parents need to see that there are consequences to their irresponsible (and unbelievably) bad mannered behaviour.

[FryOneFatManic]

If she's been doing this a lot, then I guess at some point she'll come back and say something along the lines of she's reconsidered her decision not to allow the DD to play at yours, and for the sake of her DD she's decided to "give you another chance" so the children can play.

In other words, still trying to make out you're the one to blame, while trying to wangle free childcare.

I'd watch out for that to avoid saying anything that might imply you've accepted the blame.