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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mums of two - do you regret your decision to stick at two?

96 replies

GlitteringJasper · 23/05/2015 18:29

Wondering about this.

I'm especially interested in mums who have passed the baby stage and have got their 'life' back as such!

I've a ds and a dd, youngest is 6 months, I can see pros and cons for sticking at two and having another!

A big part of me wonders if I just want the baby stage again!

Are you happy with 2?

OP posts:

imwithspud · 24/05/2015 00:02

We are more than likely stopping at two, currently overdue with DC2 so it's early days but I think if we ever do have another it won't be for a good few years. We are still in our 20's so could easily have a 10 year age gap if we wanted to, very unlikely though I feel although you can't always predict the future. It's good to read that most of you who have older children and stopped at two don't regret it, I'm about 95% sure that we won't either!

FindoGask · 24/05/2015 00:04

I do sometimes wonder rather wistfully about having a third, plus I sometimes have dreams where I'm pregnant, and then I wake up and am sad when I remember I'm not. But I know in my heart that my family is grand as it is. My children are 4 and 8; I'm back at work now and finding I have more time and headspace to get into my old interests. It does a bit feel like I've come up for air.

FFTransform · 24/05/2015 06:55

Happy at 2 but always felt that there was space for 1 more after 1, but never after dc2 so different perspective

Just getting to the end of a double buggy and the end of nappies within sight, beggining to only get up once or twice a night - bliss

Occasional pangs holding other people's tiny babies but that goes very quickly - as soon as I think ooh nice to have a cup of tea now, give the baby back and can actually drink a hot cup of tea!

Stillwishihadabs · 24/05/2015 07:15

We have 2. I would have liked 3 (or 4), but my dcs were born in 2004 and 2006, dh works in the construction industry so was badly hit by the recession in 2008, so wasn't really an option. Now we are all just too old (40,39,8.5 and 11) and settled to go back to nappies.

Florabeebaby · 24/05/2015 07:37

I have two kids, 3 and 5. I will not have anymore due to the fact that both my children were premature and I just will not risk it again. I can't put myself, my family or another baby through the hell that is premature birth.
I am happy with the decision.

BrianButterfield · 24/05/2015 08:02

I have 2, Ds 3.5 and DD 17mo. The thrill of sheer joy I felt when I dismantled the high chair and put DD into a booster seat was enough to convince me I am done with babies! I haven't felt broody and I can't imagine going back to newborns - they both sleep well and I'm still permanently knackered.

DH and I are agreed a little surprise wouldn't be the end of the world, but all things considered we are very happy with things the way they are. Unless we win the lottery in which case I'm jacking in work, getting a night nanny and having a few more!

CoffeeBeanMonster · 24/05/2015 08:45

I'm happy with just 1 child.

awombwithaview · 24/05/2015 09:31

I waver on this a lot. My two are heading for 2 and 3 years old, very small gap, and first year was hell. When people asked if I wanted another I would look at them in horror. Wasn't life hard enough?! I would feel nothing but sympathy for people with new / young babies. I was sure I was done. But then I had two babies so my life was chaotic. Now as they've got older I'm not sure. I have no idea if we'll have a third, all I do know is that if we haven't by the time our youngest is starting school, we probably won't and will take measures to ensure against as I hate the idea of a 'surprise' just as we hit a sweet spot with older kids and can do holidays etc. I know of someone who is having a surprise baby....her youngest is 16. I would HATE that and I think she was pretty aghast herself at starting all over again in later life when her other kids are late teens.

awombwithaview · 24/05/2015 09:34

Oh and every time we reach a milestone - like the highchair going, the feeding chair going, moving into a bed, starting preschool, starting potty training, I am practically doing a jig. So yeh....not keen on a third in many ways but sort of want a third in some ways. So bloody confusing!

FryOneFatManic · 24/05/2015 09:36

I have two, aged 15 and 11. I have never had regrets at sticking with 2, although it was DP that got broody for the baby years for a while.

skinnyabc · 24/05/2015 09:39

V older mum of 2 and feel shattered just thinking about a third, but youngest starts school September. Hurrahs

GeorginaWorsley · 24/05/2015 09:45

I am one if 2 and always knew I wanted more.
Have had 4 admittedly with big gaps so have had a long time of school runs!
I do love having four though.
If I had my time again I would have had the fourth sooner in fact as we are the only ones if our friends still with a primary aged child.
luckily financially we could afford 4 and I do think this is important.

Hygellig · 24/05/2015 09:48

We've stopped at two and I am happy with that. They are only two and four at the moment but it is a relief not to have nappies or night feeds any more. We did (well, more DH), contemplate having three, and I might have given it more thought if I had been ten years younger) but financially and logistically it was much preferable to stop at two. We both find our two very hard work and get very tired.

MissFenella · 24/05/2015 09:51

We adopted so perhaps were made to think about this more than normal but two is perfect. The world is based around even numbers in families: holidays, train tickets, cinema etc - always easier to manage with an even 4.

With 3 one would always feel left out (I am from a family of 3 as is DH).

So if not 2 then 4 - and that would be too much and the cost sheesh!

We were given the chance to have another child recently so went through all the reasons again but the main reason for a no was that we have just got the balance right between us as people and us as parents and one more is one too many.

FeijoaSundae · 24/05/2015 09:56

Yes, I/we are happy with two.

I liked the idea of (one day having) a bigger family of adult children ... but I find the baby and toddler years too much of a compromise to get that. DC are 6 and nearly 5 now, and life is so much easier.

And then we had a pregnancy scare last month, and the thought of staring down the barrel of sleepless nights, breastfeeding, nappies, crying, whining, naps dominating the day, monotony, drudgery and total dependency ... and I know we've definitely made the right decision.

In fact, DH is now booked in for the op at the end of next month. I am 41 now, and just too old to go through it all again.

givemefuckingstrength · 24/05/2015 10:09

I have 3. It is mental but I love it. I'm in "mum zone" now as they are all so young. I'd have one or two more if I could :-)

insancerre · 24/05/2015 10:10

We planned to have 2 and never regretted sticking to the plan
They are 25 and 18 now and are both making plans to move out and I can't wait
I was never into the baby stage and couldn't wait for it to pass

SeraOfeliaFalfurrias · 24/05/2015 10:21

I'm not sure how relevant it is how other people feel about having two children. Personally, before we had children we decided we would have two (replacing ourselves with no further population growth, one child for each arm/parent, don't let the little critters outnumber you etc). So we had two and remain very happy with that choice.

But every family is different and wants different things. If you'd asked about 1-, 3- or 4-child families you'd have got the same answers; people who were happy to stop where they did, people who might have liked more but accepted what they have and people desperate for more but unable for one reason or another.

How many children to have, provided you are physically able, is a very personal decision you and your partner need to reach, and has nothing to do with the wishes or experiences of others.

Sparklingbrook · 24/05/2015 11:50

I think the experiences of others is really useful when trying to make decisions. MN is really good for that. Things come up you may not have thought of.

YesThisIsMe · 24/05/2015 11:55

I have two and whilst I was a little bit broody after DH had his vasectomy I've never seriously regretted our decision to stop at two.

Childcare for the 'tween age group is difficult enough with two children of different ages, genders, interests and needs. With more it would be far worse.

Tinklewinkle · 24/05/2015 12:21

We have 2, now 13 and nearly 10. Have never regretted sticking at 2

DH floated the idea of another a couple of years ago and my ovaries recoiled in horror. No way Jose. Although that's more to do with having left the baby days far behind than not wanting another child. If I could have been presented with a ready potty trained/sleeping through the night 8 year old I may have considered it

I feel that a 3rd would have just tipped us over the edge. We can afford 2, we can afford to help them out with uni, driving lessons, buying them their first car, etc. 3 would have meant moving house, a bigger car, and things like days out, even stupid stuff, like buying a box of pies in supermarkets as they tend to come in packs of 4. None of that is insurmountable of course, but it just didn't want to, I just didn't want a 3rd.

We are foster carers, mainly for older children/teens and have recently decided to only do short term respite placements for a few years as it was getting tough to balance the needs of 3 very different children, now mine are getting older. My eldest has found it especially tough since hitting her teens herself, I've found she's needed me more since hitting 13 than she ever did as a younger child.

Cutting myself into 3 was becoming impossible and it gave me an insight as to what having 3 would have been like and I'm so glad we stuck at 2

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