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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mums of two - do you regret your decision to stick at two?

96 replies

GlitteringJasper · 23/05/2015 18:29

Wondering about this.

I'm especially interested in mums who have passed the baby stage and have got their 'life' back as such!

I've a ds and a dd, youngest is 6 months, I can see pros and cons for sticking at two and having another!

A big part of me wonders if I just want the baby stage again!

Are you happy with 2?

OP posts:
rosy71 · 23/05/2015 20:40

I always quite fancied having a 3rd. I would have had a bit of an age gap between 2 & 3, I think. However, I had ds1 at 33 & ds2 at 36, so not really enough time for an age gap! Once I hit 40, it was as if something suddenly changed & I felt I was too old for dc3, so 2 it is. They're 10 & 7 now & life is so much easier!

Summergarden · 23/05/2015 20:40

Watching with interest. Deciding between 2 and 3 is agonisingly difficult for me.

Pigeonsaregreedy · 23/05/2015 20:48

Very happy with my two. Did have a small urge for three but had such horrendous morning (all day) sickness with both pregnancies that I truly could not face doing it again. DH totally agreed and then practically ran to the docs to get a vasectomy!

MrsAmaretto · 23/05/2015 20:49

I have a newly 2 & 5 year old. We wanted 3, but 2year old has only slept through in the last couple of months & the thought of 2 more years of broken sleep honestly makes me want to cry. Eldest slept through from 10minths & I simply can't risk having another child where I'm living on 3hours sleep a night (spouse works away).

On the positive side life is so much easier now I don't have a preschooler & a baby. They have fun & play & fight together rather than ones needs always being put first. I can see how holidays, extra curricular activities etc can be easier to juggle with 2 than 3

Doilooklikeatourist · 23/05/2015 20:50

We have 2 , and I never wanted a 3rd ( being one of 3 siblings myself )

However , we have a boy and a girl , and I think if I had had 2 boys , I might have been tempted to have a 3rd and hope for a girl ( or if I'd had 2 girls , would I have hankered over a boy ?)

Too old now anyway

TheFairyCaravan · 23/05/2015 20:55

We're both the middle of 3 and decided from the get go we'd have 2 or 4. We stopped at 2 because I had such severe SPD that I still can't walk 19 years later.

We've found most things are set up for families of 4. Holidays are easy to book, we fit in most cars and an average 3 bed house.

Our boys are 18&20 now, we have been very lucky in that they have always been very good friends and they don't argue. They have shared toys and mainly had the same hobbies.

DH and I are in the position now where we can holiday on our own, we can go where we please, when we please. It's great that it's done, I've got no regrets that we stopped at 2.

NickySummerbee · 23/05/2015 20:56

Mine are 6 and 3 and I am pregnant with my third. Hope we won't regret it! I always wanted 3 so I think I would have hankered after that third, I didn't feel 'done' after dc2 whereas I don't have any twinges of sadness about this being my last pregnancy - I know this is the most I can cope with & I feel comfortable with that.

BullshitS70 · 23/05/2015 21:29

We ended up with a surprise 3rd, and I was 39, so oldish I guess. Yes holidays and cars need planning, but its not impossible. For example, we are off to Tenerife in a 3 star hotel in the school summer holidays and its cost us £1200 for the 5 of us for a fortnight including transfers and flights. So you can get bargains, you just need to be canny.

The amount of love and happiness I get off our 3rd is immense, I am so happy we had him. The baby years are lovely, but the sleeplessness is only temporary, and now DS is 4, I have forgotten it. It gets easier. The tiredness is only for a few short years and then you can enjoy it minus the sleep deprivation

fadingfast · 23/05/2015 21:34

Absolutely happy I stopped at two. I think another would have finished me off, but then I started a bit late and had two difficult pregnancies. I'm glad we are now at the point when ours (7 and 10) are getting a bit more independent. I would find reverting to sleepless nights incredibly hard now.

Hillijx · 23/05/2015 21:47

Deciding to have a third is much harder than going for number 2 as it's more heart than head. I never felt done after dd2 and we always said we wanted 3 but was very nervous about the idea. poor understanding of contraception fate stepped in and we had an accident which gave us dd3. Feel very much done now and it's hard work. However third time round I'm really enjoying the baby bit, it's so much easier now I'm much more experienced and yes I'm looking forward to getting my life back but in the grand scheme a few years will fly and the nappies will be gone so I'm not regretting it at all.

toomuchtooold · 23/05/2015 21:50

Mine are twins - 3 years old, conceived by IVF. Due to fertility and other issues I had plenty of time to agonise about the decision to have kids at all, but was very very very sure once the two of them arrived that having 2 and stopping at 2 was the right thing to do. I'm gad I had kids and I'm glad I didn't have an only (I'm an only) but another one... sometimes I entertain the idea simply to enjoy the shiver of horror that goes down my back. I think with twins you get a bit of a preview of the issues of having 3 kids (close in age, being outnumbered etc) and I know that one more kid would break me. If these two don't manage it Grin.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 23/05/2015 21:58

fairy sympathies re the spd. It truly sucks, sorry you are still suffering all these years later.

My kids are only 4 and 20 months but I'm done. I just can't cope with the lack of me time anymore.

Strictlyison · 23/05/2015 22:00

I was 36 and 38 years old when I had my boys, had I started a family earlier I would have had 3. DH is 7 years older than me and he was adamant he wouldn't have children past the age of 50. So my two DSs are now 8 and 9 and I do not regret one bit to have stuck to two. But everyone has their reasons - I have been through broody phases, and still do occasionally, but I am a childminder and have plenty of opportunities to look after babies and really enjoy it. but I do give them back at 6 and never have to do the night shift!

Haffdonga · 23/05/2015 22:09

2 teenagers - just a little past the baby stage here. Now I'm very close to staring into the abyss an empty nest I'm wishing we had a 3rd younger one to mess up the house and make a bit of noise. I love a crowd round the table. How can 3 not be 1 better than 2?

But actually I've never regretted stopping at 2. I know it was right for us. I think I'd probably not have got any better as a mum if I was spreading my time, money and emotions between 3.

butterflyballs · 23/05/2015 22:10

My girls are 16 and 9 and I've never wanted a third. I am 46 now and too old but I have my life back.

The other thing is having enough time for each child. I know families where there are four or five kids and attention seems to be given to the oldest and youngest with the middle kids losing out in terms of activities, one to one time with parents, support with homework or even just having friends over. In one family there is a child who you can pretty much predict is going to go off the rails at some point, he's screaming out for attention that he never gets.

I am glad I have the time to give my kids and also that the little money I do have is used to provide my kids with the things they need and to do things rather than being neglected because all family finances are being diverted to one child.

neversleepagain · 23/05/2015 22:16

I have twins, they will be 3 soon. No more for us. I went through a very broody stage then I wasn't do sure but I am now dead sure, no more!

If we had a third and it was a girl she may feel left out with older twin sisters or worse, another set of twins! I just don't want to rock the boat, life is good now.

neversleepagain · 23/05/2015 22:16

Plus I have gone right off babies!

macnab · 23/05/2015 23:08

We've two, DS is 7 and DD is almost 5 and we are DONE Smile I am 40 and although I love holding newborns I really have no desire to have another. I love that we can go places without having to bring half the house with us. That I can leave the kids unattended for a few mins while I cook/shower/tidy up. That they go to bed at a reasonable time and sleep all night!

I'm minding my niece overnight, an 18 month old tornado Shock I love the bones of here but she is full on and I am exhausted! If I was in any way broody today has definitely knocked it on the head!

I'm not though (broody) and neither is DH. We are both so happy and blessed to have two brilliant kids, we have more than a lot of people's wildest dreams.

MadameJulienBaptiste · 23/05/2015 23:21

After ds1 I was desperate for another. Ds2 followed 16m later and the minute he was put in my arms I knew my family was complete.
In the 9 years since I have not been broody even for a second.
It was very hard the first few years but worth it as with such a small age gap and 1 school year apart they have similar interests and for example were off on their bikes all day today at the park from 10 till 6 only nipping home for food and drinks.

Charlotte3333 · 23/05/2015 23:26

Mine are 9 and 4. DS2 is about to start school in September, I'm back at work in a place I love, we don't have any baby paraphernalia to lug about any more, they get on well, we take lovely little mini breaks (just DH and I), and, best of all, they both sleep unless they're ill. I'd have loved to have more children but two is the right number for us. Large families look wonderful; I know a woman locally with 6 children who are the happiest family I know. They're wonderful, genuinely wonderful. But it's not for us, so no regrets here.

TheoreticalOrder · 23/05/2015 23:30

Mine are 8 & 11, I'd have stopped at one but DH wanted more.

So happy with two, had my second at 39 so could've technically squeezed another in, but really didn't want any more, and very happy with that decision.

wiltingfast · 23/05/2015 23:42

Definite hankering here, took me too long to talk dh round. Can def see the benefits of sticking at 2 tho. Much simpler really,

Still, I miss my dc3.

Missanneshirley · 23/05/2015 23:44

what I realise I'd love is another CHILD, just don't know if I could do what is necessary to get one Grin
mine are 7 and 4, and if I woke up tmrw and discovered I had a 1yr old I'd be delighted. but if I woke up tmrw and discovered I was pregnant I think I'd be horrified and racked with fear !

CheesyDibbles · 23/05/2015 23:56

Very, very happy with two. I have one of each aged 9 and 11 now. I'm coming up to forty, so conceivably (geddit?!) I could do it again, but I really don't want to. I have been a SAHM for years and now I want to go back to the world of work. It's going to be tough, but I am so ready for it.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 24/05/2015 00:01

I have 2 children aged 9 and almost 6.

I do not want any more children, I have 4 sisters and 2 brothers and at my family home it was always noisy.

My mum tried her best to give us equal time and trying to keep up with housework and cooking ect, but she was always busy.