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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel swimming via of pooey pants?

72 replies

JesusIsComingLookBusy · 23/05/2015 12:48

DS1 is 6 and still having lots of toilet accidents. He wets himself about 4 or 5 times a week and wears pyjama nappies at night. Last few days though we've had some pooey pants too and today is particularly bad. He's on his third pair. I've reminded him to go a few times when it's obvious he needs to but he's ignored me. We are meant to be going swimming this afternoon but I'm cancelling it primarily in case he has a tummy bug (poo looks normal though) but also as I think he needs to realise he needs to be a bit more proactive. Am I being mean?

OP posts:
Gruntfuttock · 23/05/2015 12:51

No you can't take him swimming if that's happening. I don't know what the 'via' means in the title tho', unless it's a typo.

mappemonde · 23/05/2015 12:52

Don't punish for continence issues.

Take a look at ERIC and ask for a referral to your local bladder & bowel service via your school nurse.

It sounds like there's a possibility that he's constipated. Have you had him assessed at all? Increased his fluids during the day etc?

There are lots if ways of being proactive - negative associations won't work though.

mappemonde · 23/05/2015 12:52

(Obviously I wouldn't take swimming from the infection pov but I'd make it clear it wasn't a punishment)

Chottie · 23/05/2015 12:53

Please don't take him swimming, three pairs of pooey pants in a morning is a lot. It sounds like a tummy bug to me.

Original poster
JesusIsComingLookBusy · 23/05/2015 12:58

Ok feel better about not going swimming and will emphasise to him it's not a punishment. Now to tackle all the washing - I often ask him to help clean his pooey pants as I feel he should share this grisly task with me!

OP posts:
littlejohnnydory · 23/05/2015 13:00

I absolutely wouldn't cancel swimming and I say that as someone whose ds had huge problems with bowel continence (still not perfect at almost 8 but at six he had daily accidents). The incontinence charity ERIC have a website, message board and helpline with excellent information and advice.

I would only postpone swimming if you genuinely think he has diarrhoea. It doesn't sound like he does. It sounds likely to me that he may have an issue with constipation and resulting overflow incontinence. If that is the case he will have no sensation of needing to go and that is why he ignores you - not to be deliberately naughty. Also, denial is a powerful thing psychologically and he nay not even acknowledge to himself that he has had an accident.

I would go swimming if he isn't ill then take him to GP / Child Development Clinic for advice, whilst contacting ERIC in the meantime.

littlejohnnydory · 23/05/2015 13:05

Three pairs of pooey pants doesn't necessarily signify illness in a child with continence issues. If I'd cancelled swimming for my ds on that basis he would never have gone.

KoalaDownUnder · 23/05/2015 13:07

I agree with you that he's unlikely to be doing it deliberately, littlejohnny, but still not a good idea to take him swimming if there's any chance he could do it in the pool!

sunbathe · 23/05/2015 13:07

I used to spend ages cleaning pooey pants when the kids were small.

Then I decided to throw them out instead. My life improved! Grin

BackforGood · 23/05/2015 13:07

What littlejohnnydory said

Original poster
JesusIsComingLookBusy · 23/05/2015 13:09

Thanks I didn't think about constipation - I'm giving him lots of fruit / veg /water today and we will see how things are tomorrow. We have all half term to swim so we can go another day - no biggie.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 23/05/2015 13:13

Don't go swimming. Not as a punishment, but you can't run the risk of him pooing in the pool.

3littlefrogs · 23/05/2015 13:16

You need to study the ERIC website.
Your DS needs help with his continence issues.
It is not normal to be having these problems at 6 so you need to be proactive and help him.

Supersoft · 23/05/2015 13:17

OP I'm presuming you have seen your gp / school nurse about this and have been seen / on a waiting list to see a specialist?

3littlefrogs · 23/05/2015 13:22

Wetting and soiling are typical signs of impaction with overflow.
Poor child.
I hope you are getting him the correct medical help he needs.

Original poster
JesusIsComingLookBusy · 23/05/2015 13:23

We've been to the dr a few months ago but they weren't very interested tbh. Said he'd grow out of the wetting. The pooing happens less often so isn't really a regular problem. I'll have another look at ERIC site - I've ordered special pants from them before.

OP posts:
3littlefrogs · 23/05/2015 13:25

Try a different GP and ask for a referral.
Some GPs are not very clued up about this particular issue.

umiaisha · 23/05/2015 13:30

Have I misunderstood? You ask your 6 year old to wash out his own soiled underwear?? Sorry but I think that's wrong and very humiliating for him.

Supersoft · 23/05/2015 13:32

You need to go back to your gp or contact your school nurse and ask for a referral. My Ds had similar issues, it was awful for both him and me. But with the help of medication he's now ok (and off the medication). You owe it to your ds to try and get this sorted for him.

Original poster
JesusIsComingLookBusy · 23/05/2015 13:33

Littlefrogs you are coming across as quite judgey tbh. You don't need to make me feel like a crap mum - I'm more than capable of doing that myself.Grin You don't by think we are trying strategies - star charts / praise / padded pants???

OP posts:
bittapitta · 23/05/2015 13:34

Throw away the pants and buy new ones, life's too short.

3littlefrogs · 23/05/2015 13:42

Sorry OP.
It is just that this subject comes up so often on mumsnet and it is such an awful and distressing thing for a child to go through - it happened to my DD and I can't bear the thought of another child suffering like that.
I will leave the thread now.

Supersoft · 23/05/2015 13:55

I really don't think 3littlefrogs was being judgemental or judgy op. I'm sure you have tried star charts, praise etc but the thing is its likely to a medical condition so it needs treatment from a specialist, most likely medication. It's not something that is going to go away, get better with age etc. no amount of star charts is going to fix this. please go back to your gp or your school nurse and demand a referral. The website ERIC is also very useful. I think 3littlefrogs, like myself, are just thinking how distressing this must be for your child and are encouraging you to do something proactive about it for his own benefit.

Marioswife · 23/05/2015 14:01

Sounds medical more than behavioral. Like an impacted bowel.

chickenfuckingpox · 23/05/2015 14:19

i think some of it is behavioral look at what your wrote in your OP "I've reminded him to go a few times when it's obvious he needs to but he's ignored me." that is behavioral to me he is ignoring you he should help you wash the pants (natural consequences) and he should not go swimming (just in case not as a punishment) he is old enough to understand the difference between the two

sorry your doctors suck at helping you with this Flowers