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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a little bit of a send off when I go on maternity leave?

66 replies

DancingHat · 22/05/2015 16:18

It's my second baby and after the first I was presented with a bunch of flowers, a few little things like sleep suits and bibs and a card signed by my team.

In leaving again today and got...a card. I feel a bit let down they've not made even a little bit of effort with a bunch of flowers or a little outfit or something. It feels a bit greedy to want something the second time round too but just a little something would have been nice. AIBU?

OP posts:
Icimoi · 22/05/2015 16:20

YABU. Second time round the novelty has worn off and people are entitled to assume that you don't need any more sleep suits.

ilovesooty · 22/05/2015 16:21

You got a card and presumably people did convey their best wishes. I tend to think that's enough really though in our office there'd probably be a fuddle as well.

How long is it since your last ML?

KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 22/05/2015 16:22

YABU. Not everyone has the budget to be donating money to you.

TheFillyjonk · 22/05/2015 16:23

I think you are being a little bit unreasonable and agree with the other poster who said that people will assume you have everything you need left over from your first. A card with personal messages is lovely!

HandMini · 22/05/2015 16:24

YABU. Grab your handbag and get out of there. And give praise for UK mat leave policy. I'd much rather have that than a babygro and a bunch of flowers.

Marvel101 · 22/05/2015 16:26

Everywhere I've ever worked would make an effort to get a bunch of flowers - even if it's not your first baby. Standard too if someone is leaving work. We often do cakes for birthdays as well. It's nice to be nice

But there needs to be the type of person around who will think about it and organise it.

DarylDixonsDarlin · 22/05/2015 16:27

I went on maternity leave from the same job TWICE, same staff, nothing either time. Not even a card. No one had had to make any adjustments because of my pregnancies, nor find maternity cover or anything annoying Hmm like that. I had literally done nothing to piss people off, hadn't gone round rubbing my bump or wafting scan pictures around. Some didn't even know I was pregnant until about a month before I left.

YABU to expect it, but YANBU to feel a little bit sad inside, because, well, having a baby is lovely isn't it, and it seems mean to not even celebrate it a teeny weeny bit Sad. Forget about them, focus on the lovely thing about to happen in your life!

Pootles2010 · 22/05/2015 16:27

No second time round you dont get as big a fuss - pretty standard! You have got a bit of something - the card. Entirely normal I think.

TedAndLola · 22/05/2015 16:28

YABU. It was very kind of them to put in money to get you gifts the first time round.

londonrach · 22/05/2015 16:28

Yabu. You got a card!

imwithspud · 22/05/2015 16:35

Yabu. When I went on mat leave with my first I got a card, flowers and a few bits for baby but It was a real shock and I wasn't expecting anything really and would have been chuffed with just a card signed by everyone.

I totally understand you're excited to be having another baby, I am pregnant with number 2 as well but I have noticed that outside of my family, no one is really bothered this time round. It's just one of those things.

DidoTheDodo · 22/05/2015 16:37

YABU. no-one will be anywhere near as interested in your baby as you are.
That's just how it is.

ilovesooty · 22/05/2015 16:39

When one of my teaching colleagues had his third child in three years I was a bit Hmm when they came round for a collection. I really thought a card would have been sufficient.

Etihad · 22/05/2015 16:44

Try adopting. If work had even acknowledged it, it would have been nice.

ilovesooty · 22/05/2015 16:44

Etihad that's really sad.

teacupnic · 22/05/2015 16:46

I think most people assume you've got all you need second time round so I'd be happy with a card. However I don't have a bunch of pregnancy hormones to deal with. So YANBU to feel a bit disappointed.

If I were you I'd buy yourself something nice like flowers, chocolates or clothes for the baby to celebrate finishing work.

PtolemysNeedle · 22/05/2015 16:50

YABU. Tbh, it's something you should take on board so that you're not disappointed by getting fewer cards or presents than last time round when the baby actually arrives. It's completely normal.

I agree with you that it does seem a bit greedy to want the same fuss second time round. You're about to go off and hopefully have a lovely time resting then having a baby for the second time, I'm not sure why other people should have to pay money to celebrate that when they're going to be stuck at work.

Babyroobs · 22/05/2015 16:51

My work colleauges are the opposite, they have big collections for everything, 40th birthdays, 50th birthdays. 25th weddng anniversaries, people movng to another department, and big hampers full of baby stuff or vouchers regardless of whether it's the first or tenth baby. At any one time there are numerous envelopes around with collections in. I'm sure people on subsequent babies are embarrassed by it all. The company also provide cakes galore and tea party send off's.

Babyroobs · 22/05/2015 16:55

ilovesooty - I felt the same way when we were asked for money for a wedding collection, the colleauge was getting married for the third time and it was the second wedding collection in the space of a couple of years we were asked to contribute to !

Stopandlook · 22/05/2015 16:56

YABU, in the nicest way. And if you have a third, you just a raised eyebrow Grin

yorkshapudding · 22/05/2015 17:03

I think a card is sufficient for a second child to be honest. They're not implying that a second pregnancy is any less important or exciting, just that most people tend to have everything they need from the first time around. They may also be trying to keep costs down. At my work they have a collection for every birthday and every new baby (even when it's the third) and it's a big team so it gets a bit much sometimes. This month alone I've contributed to collections for two birthdays, two people leaving and someone going on Mat leave with their second baby. It all adds up.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 22/05/2015 17:06

Yes I think you are being unreasonable.

Don't give it anymore head space.

Xmasbaby11 · 22/05/2015 17:08

Yabu. I didn't get a send off card or anything for either maternity leave - but got card and voucher when baby was born, which was generous.

I agree there isn't as much fuss generally with a second child.

JeanSeberg · 22/05/2015 17:08

What's a fuddle?

WipsGlitter · 22/05/2015 17:08

I got nothing either time. Am leaving work soon and am already dreading the night out and the leaving speech.